Washington Heights and Inwood

Conductor: Dyckman Street’s next.
Teen boy who kicked down the door of the back car and got on the intercom: Yeah, motherfucker! Dyckman Street’s next, nigga!

–1 train near 191st

Overheard by: vegannramember

Janet Reno Day One‐Liners

Short thug, holding baby, yelling at indie girl outside deli: My baby don’t like you! Don’t you ever come near my baby again! She thinks you got a ugly face!

–176th & Broadway

Overheard by: emily d.

Older woman to young couple proudly pushing baby stroller: That’s the ugliest baby I’ve ever seen!

–2nd Ave & 10th St

Tourist to another: I thought New York was supposed to be filled with good‐looking people. My god, everyone here is so ugly!

–Midtown Bar

Husband to wife: Why do we always get ugly German nannies? Always! Why?

–Broadway & 13th St

Girl #1: I’m sorry! They’re closed!
Girl #2, crying: I don’t care! There’s no way I’m going in that room without some Kool‐Aid!

–Outside Gristedes, 170th & Broadway

Overheard by: Cheezy Kreezy

Little boy #1: I’m telling you, Elvis lives, man.
Little boy #2: Where’s my mom?

–187th & Ft. Washington

Overheard by: yum

Kid to friend: Is your dad in town? I need Ambien CR.

–Saatchi & Saatchi, Hudson St

Overheard by: dlr

Guy on cell: No, they never came. [Pause.] I just never got them! [Pause.] I told you you can’t just send random pills through the mail!

–Strawberry Fields, Central Park

Strung out middle‐aged lesbian: How long does that detox stuff take to work? I need to be clean of the Xanax by my doctor’s appointment next week. He knows I’m on meth, but he can’t find out I’m on Xanax.

–E Train

Worried suit: …But I can’t be on Zoloft, so I don’t know what to do.

–E 14th St

Patient to friend: He asked for an Ensure. He got an Ambien instead.

–NYS Psychiatric Institute

Overheard by: nonrandomerror

Suit: Her meds worked better this audition season ‑you could tell.

–Oriental Garden

Swarthy clerk to pretty girl: Why do you wear that scarf like that?
Pretty girl: Because it’s pretty.
Swarthy clerk, smiling: Won’t be so pretty when someone strangles you with it.

–167th St

Guy: Yo, did you hear what Bush wants to do? He wants to get rid of financial aid for college.
Girl: Really?
Guy: Yeah…soon we all gon’ have to be drug dealers. Seeing crackheads will be normal. 

–Washington Heights

Overheard by: clari 

Student: I feel like I’m drunk. Like when I was six.

–Middle School Dance, Spanish Harlem

Six‐year‐old girl: I drank beer once and I went crazy!

–Central Park

Dad, about his young son who has just run face‐first into a chair: Don’t worry about him, he’s just drunk.

–Indian Road Cafe, Inwood

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Five‐year‐old boy: Next stop, wine store!

–University & 9th St

Hermit‐looking man at bakery counter: Euhh… Yes, I want cake. One will say “Kenny’s dead.” No! Wait! One will say “I killed Kenny, and I’m not sorry!” And the other will say… it will say, “Obama is my homeboy!“
20‐something hipster girl, staring at man: Are you… for real?
Hermit‐looking man: Yes, sweetie.
20‐something hipster girl: You… you win at life, sir.

–167th & Broadway

Man #1: What happened?
Man #2: I was straddling her, and then everyone got turned on. 

–Washington Heights