Little boy #1: I’m telling you, Elvis lives, man.
Little boy #2: Where’s my mom?
–187th & Ft. Washington
Overheard by: yum
Little boy #1: I’m telling you, Elvis lives, man.
Little boy #2: Where’s my mom?
–187th & Ft. Washington
Overheard by: yum
Kid to friend: Is your dad in town? I need Ambien CR.
–Saatchi & Saatchi, Hudson St
Overheard by: dlr
Guy on cell: No, they never came. [Pause.] I just never got them! [Pause.] I told you you can’t just send random pills through the mail!
–Strawberry Fields, Central Park
Strung out middle-aged lesbian: How long does that detox stuff take to work? I need to be clean of the Xanax by my doctor’s appointment next week. He knows I’m on meth, but he can’t find out I’m on Xanax.
–E Train
Worried suit: …But I can’t be on Zoloft, so I don’t know what to do.
–E 14th St
Patient to friend: He asked for an Ensure. He got an Ambien instead.
–NYS Psychiatric Institute
Overheard by: nonrandomerror
Suit: Her meds worked better this audition season -you could tell.
–Oriental Garden
Swarthy clerk to pretty girl: Why do you wear that scarf like that?
Pretty girl: Because it's pretty.
Swarthy clerk, smiling: Won't be so pretty when someone strangles you with it.
–167th St
Guy: Yo, did you hear what Bush wants to do? He wants to get rid of financial aid for college.
Girl: Really?
Guy: Yeah…soon we all gon’ have to be drug dealers. Seeing crackheads will be normal.
–Washington Heights
Overheard by: clari
Student: I feel like I'm drunk. Like when I was six.
–Middle School Dance, Spanish Harlem
Six-year-old girl: I drank beer once and I went crazy!
–Central Park
Dad, about his young son who has just run face-first into a chair: Don't worry about him, he's just drunk.
–Indian Road Cafe, Inwood
Overheard by: Rose Fox
Five-year-old boy: Next stop, wine store!
–University & 9th St
Hermit-looking man at bakery counter: Euhh… Yes, I want cake. One will say “Kenny's dead.” No! Wait! One will say “I killed Kenny, and I'm not sorry!” And the other will say… it will say, “Obama is my homeboy!”
20-something hipster girl, staring at man: Are you… for real?
Hermit-looking man: Yes, sweetie.
20-something hipster girl: You… you win at life, sir.
–167th & Broadway
Man #1: What happened?
Man #2: I was straddling her, and then everyone got turned on.
–Washington Heights
Doctor lady: Did you hear that Dr. Khan just had a baby?
Doctor guy: Oh, was she pregnant?
–Burger King, Jamaica
Overheard by: Ed Selter
Woman: She didn’t even know she was pregnant until she was giving birth…
–Columbia University Medical Center
Cab driver, getting cut off: Yeah, drive like you want that cheeseburger!
–Columbus Circle
Cabbie: I got in some trouble and my wife threw all my clothes out of the house. I never realized how many clothes I have! I know New York streets better than my own closet! (laughs)
–Cab, Broadway & Houston
Cab driver to colleague who just honked after he stopped for a pedestrian: What, you want me to kill him?
–Battery Park
Middle Eastern cab driver: I used to have a video store in Washington Heights. But the black bastard put me out of business! Can you believe it? After ten years the black bastard put me out of business! Do you now the black bastard on Dyckman? C'mon! Everybody knows the back bastard! Black bastard! Black bastard video!
–Cab, Washington Heights
Overheard by: Gene Gray
Cab driver: When you drive for ten hours a day, you learn that over 50% of drivers are, how do you say it…stupid.
–Queens
Overheard by: Fiasco
Guy: Where do you keep your pussy enhancer?
Girl: On the shelf, under my Pee-wee Herman doll.
–160th St & Malcolm X
Overheard by: Hanz Shnrub
