Man #1: What happened?
Man #2: I was straddling her, and then everyone got turned on.
–Washington Heights
Man #1: What happened?
Man #2: I was straddling her, and then everyone got turned on.
–Washington Heights
Doctor lady: Did you hear that Dr. Khan just had a baby?
Doctor guy: Oh, was she pregnant?
–Burger King, Jamaica
Overheard by: Ed Selter
Woman: She didn’t even know she was pregnant until she was giving birth…
–Columbia University Medical Center
Cab driver, getting cut off: Yeah, drive like you want that cheeseburger!
–Columbus Circle
Cabbie: I got in some trouble and my wife threw all my clothes out of the house. I never realized how many clothes I have! I know New York streets better than my own closet! (laughs)
–Cab, Broadway & Houston
Cab driver to colleague who just honked after he stopped for a pedestrian: What, you want me to kill him?
–Battery Park
Middle Eastern cab driver: I used to have a video store in Washington Heights. But the black bastard put me out of business! Can you believe it? After ten years the black bastard put me out of business! Do you now the black bastard on Dyckman? C'mon! Everybody knows the back bastard! Black bastard! Black bastard video!
–Cab, Washington Heights
Overheard by: Gene Gray
Cab driver: When you drive for ten hours a day, you learn that over 50% of drivers are, how do you say it…stupid.
–Queens
Overheard by: Fiasco
Guy: Where do you keep your pussy enhancer?
Girl: On the shelf, under my Pee-wee Herman doll.
–160th St & Malcolm X
Overheard by: Hanz Shnrub
Teen boy #1: Did you ever do that in Grand Theft Auto?
Teen boy #2: Yes. It’s fucking nuts. Nuts as in testicles.
–207th & Broadway
Young woman on elevator to friend: I have a date this Thursday with a guy I met on match.com, and I was so excited, but then I remembered Thursday is Grey's Anatomy! I mean, I'm DVRing it, but that's so not the same.
–Wall St.
Overheard by: krazyhippie
Large 40-something woman: But I'm not gonna be on Maury sayin', "I'm 100% sure!" Because I'm not!
–10th St & FDR
20-something woman on cell: It's white, sleeveless…well, you don't watch Gossip Girl but it's totally Blair-worthy.
–W 19th & 5th Ave
Appalled girl to friend: So, I guess he just couldn't hold it in and needed to share with everyone around him, so he just shouted out "Fuck! I miss Gossip Girl!"
–Mercer & W 3rd
Saucy Latina: Telemundo makes BET look like The History Channel.
–171st St & Broadway
Overheard by: The Low Hat
Guy to friend: My girlfriend is cool if you and your boys are…she loves the BBC when she's high.
–PATH Station
Overheard by: smjcnj
30-something woman on cell: Remember season one of The Hills? What a simpler time.
–Columbia University
Overheard by: The Evil Triangle
Black woman in trashy outfit: And he said "But the party just started, bitch, I'll take you in a few hours!" and I was like, "Nigga please! My water just broke!"
–Lower East Side
Asian bimbo on cell: I just spoke to Percy and allegedly they threw a party after we were fired, to celebrate us getting fired…but we're people too.
–181 & St Nicholas
Overheard by: must not have liked you
Hipster girl: My all-time dream is to be shot by the cobra snake at a party, with a cig in my hand and Paul* between my thighs.
–NYU Dorm
Overheard by: Dayn
Tattooed guy on iPhone: Yeah, I'm bringing a 250-foot Slip 'N Slide!
–7th & 13th St
Overheard by: can I come to that party?
Loud man on cell: Yo, son! Why didn't you invite to your party? Damn…c'mon! Remember that time the chick in a wheelchair was working us in the cab? Yeah, she was in a wheelchair! Remember we got a cab for her and put her in the cab? That's right–that was me! She was giving us both head.
–BBQ Restroom, 8th Ave, Chelsea
20-something woman: Wait…when is it a rule to give the host a handjob?
–Museum of Natural History
Overheard by: Jazz
Student #1: It’s crazy to think the pope was part of the Hitler youth.
Student #2: Not really — the Hitler youth was like the YMCA of Germany.
–Van crossing GW Bridge
Teen boy #1: I want to get a soda but my dollar bill is ripped.
Teen boy #2: Nah chief, it’s okay; you didn’t rip the bar code.
–New Balance Track & Field Center, Washington Heights
Overheard by: bill kearns
Guy: It's like August: Osage County, but with zombies.
–Manhattan Theatre Source
Overheard by: Emily B.
Girl: You know what they say: two in the bush, one in the wizard.
–Dorm, Pratt Institute
College student: Ghosts? They're like VT!
–186th St & Amsterdam
Black female suit on cell: Yeah, well you betta hope Tinkabell comes along… Or whoever the fuck it is who grants you ya damn wishes!
–Penn Station
Overheard by: emily d.
Annoyed man on cell walking down stairs: No, mom, I don't know what werewolves eat! No, mom, I don't! Mom, I can't talk right now, I'm going into the subway!
–Union Square Subway Entrance
Overheard by: Masked Avenger
