Guy #1: I’m not worried about having children. If I’m 50 and I don’t have kids, I will still be happy.
Guy #2: At 50 you could still have kids. You’d just have to knock up a younger woman.
Guy #1: I couldn’t handle being with a women 20 years younger than me. Too much different slang to deal with.
Guy #2: What?
Guy #1: Yeah, that’s the biggest reason I don’t sleep with 70 year olds.
–A train
Girl #1: …was supposed to be there. You know, from The Golden Girls.
Girl #2: Oh yeah, what happened?
Girl #1: Didn’t show, I hear she’s a real bitch.
Girl #2: Isn’t she like really old now?
Girl #1: She was really old like 25 years ago.
–11th Street & 2nd Avenue
Overheard by: Eric
Girl: It doesn’t matter if you’re skinny or fat–being anorexic is when you don’t eat because you only think that you’re fat!
Guy: No, people don’t eat because they’re not hungry.
–N train
Overheard by: Steph Lo
Sunbathing chick #1: Oh, girl, you so skinny. They should name you “Miss Congene-u-ality”.
Sunbather #2: Oh no no no, I don’t puke.
–Central Park Great Lawn
Overheard by: Jordan the Intern
Man: So let me get this straight: you still buy him stuffed animals–
Woman: Yeah.
Man: –but he just broke up with his girlfriend because she got too fat.
Woman: Yup.
Man: How old is he?
Woman: Nine.
–Starbucks, 114th & Broadway
Overheard by: Jack Vanston
Woman #1: Well, how old is she?
Woman #2: She’s about 77 and almost blind, but she’s still a raging liberal.
Woman #1: Really.
Woman #2: Yeah, she’s not too old to still call George Bush an asshole.
–83rd & Park
Man: You two walk how old people fuck!
–14th & 9th
Overheard by: Emily
Guy on cell: Yeah, general admission was cool when I was 18, but not when I’m fucking 32.
–78th & 1st
Guy: You know how, like, with alcohol they require ID for proof of age? They should really do that with bikinis also.
–Great Lawn, Central Park
Guy: Oh, excuse me!…Want to make out?
–Centre & Chambers
Overheard by: Chris
Older man: …so they served these smaller things, like appetizers, in between the three main courses. You know how many they gave us? Four! There were four intercourses…
–West 53 Street office
Girl on cell: He shoots dope and smokes crack! I can’t think of a worse person for you to sleep with!…well, yeah, I guess…
–81st & Madison
Girl: I’d blow him every day if he’d let me drive his beamer more.
–Sheep’s Meadow
Tween girl: Shit, if I were 21, and he was like, “Yo, do you want some
beer?”, I’d be like, “Shit, only if you got a hotel room.” ’cause then
we could, like, go in it.
–Starbucks, 34th & 7th
Overheard by: marissa
Daily News guy: …and I said, “Just take me now, bitch!”
–Bar 288, Elizabeth Street
DMV guy: Who’s here for oral? Did anyone in this line sign up for oral?
–DMV, Atlantic Avenue Center
Overheard by: RMC
Stocker guy #1: Hey, listen to this.
Stocker guy #2: Yeah?
Stocker guy #1: So I’m driving home last night, and my cell phone rings. And it’s a number that I don’t recognize. I pick it up, and say, “Hello?” And there’s this woman’s voice, and she’s like, “Is this Michael?” and I say, “Yeah.” So I’m thinkin’ it’s that girl I met the other day, that I gave my number to. And she’s like, “Did you meet a girl at 88th and 2nd?” And I’m like, “Yeah.” “How old are you?” she asks. And I like, I say, “I’m 34”, but I’m really 44. And then she’s like, “Well, she’s 15. This is her mother.”
–Food Emporium, 87th & Madison
Guy: So you started drinking young?
Girl: I started drinking at 11.
Guy: Wow, really?
Girl: I was smoking at 9.
–F train
Overheard by: Vito Delsante
A woman with a cart full of baby products is prompted by an old man for her receipt.
Old man: I see you are buying diapers. Any chance you would date an older man and change his diapers? Are you a school teacher?
The woman grabbed her receipt and quickly walked away.
–BJ’s, Gateway Center
Overheard by: Cathleen
Guy on cell: Holy shit, she’s too fucking old to get AIDS. The virus would be like “Ew, fuck that, she’s old.”
–F train
Overheard by: Glynnis
A blocked sewer grate causes a nasty-looking puddle. A Black guy steps over it and says: This shit’s disgusting. This is how we all get AIDS.
–23rd & Park
Overheard by: Erica
