Guy: So you started drinking young?
Girl: I started drinking at 11.
Guy: Wow, really?
Girl: I was smoking at 9.
–F train
Overheard by: Vito Delsante
Guy: So you started drinking young?
Girl: I started drinking at 11.
Guy: Wow, really?
Girl: I was smoking at 9.
–F train
Overheard by: Vito Delsante
A woman with a cart full of baby products is prompted by an old man for her receipt.
Old man: I see you are buying diapers. Any chance you would date an older man and change his diapers? Are you a school teacher?
The woman grabbed her receipt and quickly walked away.
–BJ’s, Gateway Center
Overheard by: Cathleen
Guy on cell: Holy shit, she’s too fucking old to get AIDS. The virus would be like “Ew, fuck that, she’s old.”
–F train
Overheard by: Glynnis
A blocked sewer grate causes a nasty-looking puddle. A Black guy steps over it and says: This shit’s disgusting. This is how we all get AIDS.
–23rd & Park
Overheard by: Erica
Daughter: What’s on your leg?
Mother: It’s cellulite, all women have it. And if you think the women you see in magazines don’t, they do. They just get it covered up in their pictures by a special pen called an airbrush.
Daughter: Will I get cellulite?
Mother: Yes, soon.
–Century 21, Cortlandt Street
Old lady #1: Here she comes now.
Old lady #2: I’ll be dead by the time she gets here.
Old lady #3: She’s not moving too fast.
Their friend arrives.
Old lady #1: Aren’t you dead yet?
–5th Ave. & 9th St.
Two brothers, ages 8 and 10, sit on the 6 train. Across from them sit their mother and their aunt. The older boy stands, letting his brother continue to sit, next to a pole. A largish older lady wedges herself in next to the young boy, pushing him into the pole.
Mother: Lady, you can’t sit there, you’re crushing him!
Lady: I’m old enough to sit, he’s young enough to stand.
Mother: You’re crushing him!
Lady: He has plenty of room.
Younger brother: Get the hell off!
Lady: I’m old enough to be your grandmother.
Younger brother: You’re not my grandmother.
Mother: Thank God.
Aunt: Thank God.
Younger brother: Get off me, you big fat lady!
Mother: Stop that, be quiet. Get over here.
He moves to her lap.
Younger brother: You’re not my grandmother.
Older brother: Would everybody shut up? Don’t fight on the train!
Lady’s husband: Stop it. Stop talking to them.
Lady: I’m telling you to close your mouth.
Older brother: Everybody stop!
Mother: We’re getting off here.
Aunt: Thank God.
Lady: Thank God.
The family hustles out of the train. The rest of the passengers laugh as quietly as possible.
–6 train
Guy on cell: You’ve got the best job: being a mom.
–42nd between 6th & Madison
Woman: …maybe because I got my period in the 4th grade and looked like everybody’s mother by the 6th grade. I was huge.
–27th street office
Mom: Now, this is not the Louvre, so don’t be jaded or anything.
–Brooklyn Museum
Overheard by: Cat Pop
Drunk: If a woman hadda right to choose where I come from, I wouldn’t be here today!
–Odessa Cafe, Avenue A
Overheard by: Ted Lattis
Chick: I saw my mother on stage in underwear and a bra with motorized tassels…
–13th & 5th
Overheard by: Caroline Norris
Teen #1: Damn, kid! Your face mad hairy!
Teen #2: I’m a grown-ass man, dog.
–A train
Woman #1: I told my family that if I get old and can’t take care of myself to hire me a…
Woman #2: A male nurse.
Woman #1: … a young, good-looking boy.
Woman #2: A male nurse.
Woman #1: Specifically for the purpose of giving me a sponge bath.
Woman #2: I have a funny story about that.
–Park Plaza Diner, Brooklyn Heights
Overheard by: TG
Woman: Excuse me. I have to put something in my dryer.
Girl folding clothes: Oh, okay.
Woman: Excuse me! I have to put something else in my dryer.
Girl: O-kay…
Woman: Now I have to take something out of my dryer…unbelievable.
Girl: Wow, you’re a case!
Woman: I’m a what?!
Girl: A case. I’ve never seen anybody so worked up over laundry.
Woman: Well, you haven’t lived very long, have you?
Girl: Not as long as you!…Have a nice day!
Woman: Fuck you!
–York Launderette, York Avenue and E. 82nd
