Boy: When I was little I used to think that if the planet got heavy enough, it would start to fall.
Friend: You must have been pretty smart to even think that when you were a little kid.
Boy: But what if I still think that?
Friends: Then you're a dumb ass.
–C Train
Overheard by: Rafael DaSilva
Guy: Man, you think Lee Harvey Oswald had good aim? You should meet my wife.
–B train
Overheard by: Jess Issacharoff
Woman: Her bridal shower was her sweet sixteen.
–F train
Queer on cell: Hi, Sweetie!…What? You got married? But honey, you’re gay!
–63rd & 3rd
Chick on cell: So did I tell you about the e-mail I got? This guy I met on-line, on Nerve–we went out on like three dates, like a year and a half ago. Yeah, so I got an e-mail from his wife and she was like, “Yo bitch, stay away from my husband.” So I wrote back, “Don’t e-mail me, e-mail your husband who’s been cheating on you for two fucking years.”
–33rd & Park
Teen girl: Yeah, he’s really lonely since his wife died 3 years ago. Now his best friend is his right hand and some skin lotion.
–Park Slope
Guy: Hey, how’s my wife and your kids?
–55th & Madison
Overheard by: Matt
Man on cell: I ain’t trying to see you nothin’. I want to marry you. I’m tellin you the truth. T-R-U-F-F. The Truth!
–Atlantic Avenue gas station
Overheard by: Megan
Gate agent: You need to listen to me. Don’t listen to your wife. Your wife doesn’t work here.
–Newark airport
Overheard by: jk
Italian father: Hey, son, look at this knee cap.
Son: Cool. What is that stuff?
Italian father: You see the part that looks like calamari? Well, that will give you trouble one day.
–Bodies Exhibition
Overheard by: hrln
Woman #1: You’ve got two more years left, and then do you know what you’re going to be? Fifty years old.
Woman #2: And I get better-looking every year.
Daughter: No, you don’t!
–R train
Overheard by: Jon A.
Young society reject to same: You’re the psycho-freak out! You touch people’s ears at random!
–AMC Theatre at Lincoln Center
Overheard by: G-Lime
A woman to friend: My friend just became a manicurist. She had her first client today and she only has one hand.
–Forham University
Woman almost forgetting her sunglasses: I would lose my ass if it wasn’t attached to my neck!
–A Train
Overheard by: Don
Student: I think the guy selling cell phones on the street made off with my uterus.
–Touro College of Osteopathis, Harlem
Coworker to another: You have thighs now. When you came here, you had no thighs.
–1250 Broadway
Suit #1 to suit #2: He has the feet of a nine-year-old girl!
–44th & Lexington
Little girl: Can I have a job here?
Clerk: How old are you?
Little girl: Nine.
Clerk: Well, you have to be at least 14 to work at the library.
Little girl: Oh, yeah? Well, you have a big head!
–Queens Library
Chick: You know, even though I'm 22, every time I go out, when I'm home my mom still waits up for me.
Random guy: No, she doesn't.
–6 Train
NYU girl #1: What about Harrison Ford? You know, Indiana Jones?
NYU girl #2: Ew! He's like, 80.
NYU girl #1: He's 67, thank you, and I'd wrangle his whip anytime!
–Washington Square
Queer: She’s very uncomfortable with her face. Well, she is 60. She said to me, “Why can’t I just grow old? Why can’t I just grow old like everyone else?” And I wanted to say, because you’re Farrah Fawcett, that’s why.
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: Valerie Goodman
Santa: Merry Christmas, young lady.
60-something woman: I’m old…
Santa: Well, I’m older… Look at my beard!
–Rockefeller Center
Overheard by: IS and JC
