Older brother: Ha ha, you look like a mice.
Younger brother: You don’t even know how to speak. You’re supposed to say I look like a mouse.
Older brother: No, a mice is a mouse when it’s still little.
–Gristedes, Henry Street
Older brother: Ha ha, you look like a mice.
Younger brother: You don’t even know how to speak. You’re supposed to say I look like a mouse.
Older brother: No, a mice is a mouse when it’s still little.
–Gristedes, Henry Street
20-something female shopkeeper to coworker, as Michael Jackson's "Rock with You" plays on the radio: Did you hear he's sick? Apparently, he's in the hospital. I know, it's crazy. Can you imagine if he dies? If he dies, that'll be, like, the most awful thing to happen to America in years!
–Pet Food Store
Overheard by: Nathalie
Suit on cell: What if Michael Jackson sucking your dick was the cure for cancer?
–8th & Broadway
Man, lighting cigarette: So what'd he die from? A sunburn?
–Chambers St. & West Broadway
Middle aged black lady on cell: If you can get Michael Jackson on a condom box it would definitely sell.
–MacDougal & 8th St
Nine-year-old boy, pointing to a newspaper article, to younger sister: Oh yeah, that guy? He was fifty. He used to be a black guy but made himself become white.
–Canal & Orchard, Chinatown
Overheard by: Lauren T.
Large tattooed man, discussing Michael Jackson: One of those kids is his; the other two can't be, they're white. They were all unofficially inseminated, though.
–Delancey & Essex
Guy: Oh, man! It is not a good day to be my underwear!
–Wine Store, 75th & Amsterdam
Overheard by: Raven
10-year-old to little brother: Hey! C'mere! You wanna play Captain Underpants?
–Brooklyn
Overheard by: dogboy
Guy on cell: I'm not paying her to smell your underwear!
–57th St & Broadway
Overheard by: Lagsalot
Loud older gentleman watching people at subway entrance: They don't wear brassieres anymore!
–23rd St & 6th Ave
Overheard by: Zombie Boyfriend
Older lady in funeral procession behind bag piper wearing kilt: I looked. He's wearing underpants.
–120th & Broadway
Toddler tourist boy, during rainstorm: Mommy, my shoe has a puddle in it.
Slightly older sister: So does everyone's. Deal with it.
–59th St & Broadway
Overheard by: she passes as a local
Eight-year-old girl to little brother on bike: Hey, asshole!
Little brother: What? Are you talking to me?
Eight-year-old girl: Yeah, you're annoying me. You're pissin' me off!
–Central Park
Headline by: KateNonymous
Runners-Up:
· “And on That Day, Young Travis Bickle’s Life Took a Turn” – jlp
· “From the Rarely Seen First Episode Of the Donnie and Marie Show.” – Chris L
· “New Yorkers-in-Training” – Oren K
· “Sesame Street Has REALLY Changed” – Bob
· “When Cindy Mistook Her Dad’s Protein Shake for a Milkshake…” – fox
20-something guy on cell: I'm sure she wants to castrate me. (pause) Remember her Asian friend, well… (pause) Yeah, I hit that. (pause, then uncontrollable laugh) I gots the yellow fever!
–59th St & 11th
Chinese brother to sister: All Asians get off at this stop. (looking out window) See? They're all Asian. (pause) Oh, wait, there's one English guy.
–Grand Street Stop, D Train
Overheard by: Justin W
Asian girl on cell: You know how people say all Asians look the same? Well, I realized something today. All white people look the same to me–I honestly can't tell them apart!
–Port Authority
20-something Asian girl on cell, in perfect American English: So, I just got welcomed to America for the second time today. Are my clothes that… (with disgust) Asian?
–Metro-North
Overheard by: RedShikari
Older brother: I just took the biggest shit in the bathroom I have seen in months. It started overflowing and I ran out.
Younger brother: Wow, I bet that thing put up a fight coming outta you, huh?
–Madison Square Garden
Overheard by: Cody Smith
Five-year-old boy, crowded around his mothers’ blackberry with younger sisters: 5… 4… 3… 2… 1! Mommy… time’s up!
Mother, who had been rushing around the sale room with just one item: [Ddisappointed] Okay, okay. I guess I’ll just take this one sweater…
–Anthropologie
Overheard by: amused shopper
Seven-year-old boy to father: Did you know that when you get into middle school, all the girls care about is whether you're rich and have a cute ass? In elementary school, they only care about if you can run fast. If you run the fastest, you get all the girls.
–Flushing, Queens
Overheard by: Tara
Small boy to teacher in increasingly panicky voice: Is this Narnia? We're not Narnians yet, right?!
–NYU Kimmel Center
Overheard by: Narnia @ NYU?
Five-year-old to three-year-old brother: Listen, we're going to have food all winter. It's hibernation. You know what hibernation is, don't you? Hibernation is when animals eat a lot of food and sleep all winter. We're gonna hibernate!
–M104 Bus
Overheard by: Samantha
Little kid: Grandma, smell this! It's Obsession for Men!
–Bergdorf Goodman
Sobbing five-year-old girl to mom in CD section: I wanna download, I don't wanna waste my money.
–Borders, Columbus Circle
Overheard by: Can records labels sue toddlers?
Eight-year-old girl to older brother: I don't like booooooys!
10-year-old brother: I don't like boys, either!
Kids' ghetto mom to son: Boy, you betta like boys or I'mma pull your dick off.
–Uptown 2 Train
Overheard by: E.C.
