Drunk lady: I don’t know how you get all those fuckin’ girls. You’re
motherfuckin’ 70 years old!
Old man: My dick. My big fuckin’ dick.
–Carroll Gardens
Drunk lady: I don’t know how you get all those fuckin’ girls. You’re
motherfuckin’ 70 years old!
Old man: My dick. My big fuckin’ dick.
–Carroll Gardens
Old man #1: …so she processes it and hands me back the form and it hits me like a ton of bricks: Senior! I’m a senior now! Do I look like a senior?
Old man #2: …How long do I have to answer that?
–Elevator, Worth & Church
Overheard by: Cap’n Mid-nite
Old man: Yeah, so the doctor told me to put mayonnaise on my head and cucumbers on my eyes. There’s just so much you have to do. I was like, “What is this, a fruit salad?”
Woman: That’s not a fruit salad, that’s a Caesar salad.
Old man: Right, a Caesar salad. Anyway, about that truck.
–2nd & 2nd
Overheard by: Tibbie X
Old Latina: Nice flowers.
Hispanic guy: Thanks. Unfortunately, they’re for a dead person.
–1 train
Overheard by: Chris McDade
Old lady: Julian! Get in the elevator, we are holding it for you.
Old man: I am in the elevator, it’s just my ass that was dragging behind.
–Apartment building, 66th & West End
Overheard by: Lubes
Old lady: I’m not moving until the light says go.
Old man: Yeah, you don’t want to get that rundown feeling.
–Crown Heights
Overheard by: Jamie Lloyd
Chick: Okay guys, I’m going to subway surf in heels. I haven’t done it in so long, I hope I don’t fail.
Old man: You will fail.
Chick: Oh…
Old man: 75% of your weight is on your toes, only 25% is on your heel. You will fall. That’s from 25 years of martial arts experience.
–R train
Overheard by: Alyson Leigh
Old lady: Lots of people take pills and don’t get addicted. It’s a personality issue. When I had my shoulder done, I had no pain. But I woke up and the nurse said, “Do you want a morphine shot?” And I said, “Sure, I’ll try it! Why the hell not?”
–Broadway & 69th
Old guy: Yeah, here today, gone tomorrow. I want to come back as a Polynesian prince.
–Astoria
Overheard by: sara
Old man #1: Whatever happened to her?
Old man #2: Oh…her? She died.
Old man #1: She died?
Old man #2: Yeah. She died.
Old man #1: Did you kill her?
–Fort Greene
Old lady #1: What are you eating? It smells good.
Old lady #2: Nicorette.
–DR2 theater, E. 15th Street
