(in front of the steps of The Metropolitan Museum of Art)
Tourist: Excuse me, do you know where The Met is?
Pissed off local woman: Walk seven blocks that way, take a left and walk four blocks.
(tourist walks away)
Pissed off local woman to friend: The next time someone asks me that, I’m giving them directions to the Bronx.
–82nd & 5th
Overheard by: olivia
Guy: What would you do if you had plans and then your sister had a baby?
Friend: Ummm… I’d go be with my sister.
Guy: Well, I wouldn’t.
–N train
Overheard by: Katie
Old junkie guy #1: …So the bitch is fucking bitching about wearin’ a condom. She won’t let me bust my nut in her ’til I slap one on. So I do! And the bitch gives me crabs!
Old junkie guy #2: What a ho.
–Bx15 bus
Head waiter: I’m sorry sir, but you can’t smoke in here.
Cigarette guy: I can’t smoke in here? Next thing you’ll tell me I can’t fuck in the bathroom.
–Cipriani’s, 42nd Street
Overheard by: trey constant
Man #1: How hot is this weekend nanny?
Man #2: I get wood whenever I pass within 10 feet of her.
Man #1: And Lucy doesn’t get why you’re spending more time on the weekends there now?
Man #2: She’s clueless. Now my goal is for her to hire someone equally as hot for the weekdays.
–Grand Central
Guy #1: Tomorrow is my 10th wedding anniversary.
Guy #2: Oh yeah, what are you going to do?
Guy #1: I’m going to buy a new belt and beat my wife with it.
–Office, 28th & Park
NYU kid yelling to band from dorm window: Hey! You suck!
Singer at nice event: Uh, this is for charity.
–W 4th & MacDougal
My guy friend and I stopped on the sidewalk to finish up a conversation and say goodbye. A man walks by and gave a hard shoulder nudge to my friend and kept walking.
Guy friend: Yeah, excuse me!
Man: You stopped in the middle of the sidewalk. You can’t stop in the middle of the sidewalk; people need to get by.
An argument ensues, then the man walks away. He changes his mind, walks back and gets within inches of my friend’s face.
Man: I have a cold and I’m going to talk right in your face!
–Broadway & Fulton
Overheard by: Jessie
Stylish 20‐something woman to overweight pug breathing heavily: Well, Winifred, you’re out of breath because you’re out of shape. (pause) No, you’re not fat. You’re voluminous. (pause) Yes, I am aware it’s not all your fault. Mummy likes to watch you eat powder doughnuts. (pause) Pugs that look like they have a coke habit are very funny for mummy, yes they are.
–Central Park
Young hipster to Labrador, as people approach: Come on! Come on! Say hello! (dog remains seated, doing nothing) God! I’ve been training him for months to talk to couples and it just isn’t working!
–Williamsburg
Woman to her dog: Don’t be an insult to your species! Act like a dog!
–10th St & Broadway
Lady to little barking dog: Shut up. This is not your sidewalk.
–Brooklyn
