Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport

Treats and Tricks (Happy Halloween)

Queer: Can you hold this shirt for me ’til tomorrow?
Shop trannie: No, we can’t put costumes on hold.
Queer: Well, I want to be, like, this Louis XIV go-go boy, and I already got the short shorts and everything, and this shirt would go perfect but I just can’t afford it ’til tomorrow.

–Halloween Adventure, 4th Avenue

Overheard by: sharyn jackson

Girl: Do you have any more slut-nurses?
Counter guy: No, we’re all out of slut-nurses, but we have some slut-devils and some slut-flight attendents.

–Ricky’s, 8th Avenue

Overheard by: Josh Caldwell

Guy: What’s she going as for Halloween?
Girl: A newsie.
Guy: Oh.
Girl: I knew she’d steal my idea, stupid ho-bag.

–Elevator, Water Street Residence

Overheard by: Dan & Travis

Guy: I’ve always loved this mask, it’s so cool.
Girl: Yeah, I guess.
Guy: I mean, I guess I should, considering…
Girl: Right.
Guy: I mean, I was in the movie.
Girl: That was like a decade ago.
Guy: So?
Girl: Yeah, but you were a fucking extra. And you didn’t even have a single line.

–Ricky’s, 22nd & 3rd

Guy: What is this, All Harlots’ Eve?

–3rd Avenue & 8th Street

Overheard by: Adam Nathan

That Amazing 21st Century Technology

Clerk lady #1: There’s no price on this, no bar code. I can’t sell it.
Clerk lady #2: Hold on, just call accessories.
Clerk lady #1: How do I do that?
Clerk lady #2: Accessories!

–Century 21, Cortlandt Street

Get to Atoning, New York

Smoker guy #1: …I won’t be in on Thursday cause of Yom Kippur.
Smoker guy #2: You can’t come to work?
Smoker guy #1: Can’t work, can’t eat, can’t drink.
Smoker guy #2: Can’t eat or drink anything?
Smoker guy #1: Nothing from sundown to sundown.
Smoker guy #2: Jesus!
Smoker guy #1: Wrong.

–49th & 8th

Part of a building under construction fell off into another house, summoning 10 fire trucks.

Lady: See? Maybe this will teach those Jews from building them so high.

–Williamsburg

Boss lady: She needs to get her ass back to work and finish this shit up. I hate these 2 days Jews; tomorrow she’ll be eating a bacon cheeseburger.

–Office, Wall Street

The Present of an Illusion

Girl: They’re making a musical of Siegfried and Roy’s life.
Guy: Didn’t they do that on Friends already?
Girl: They did?
Guy: Yeah, remember Joey was the singing psychiatrist?

–Wall & Exchange

Girl #1: I wish we coulda seen those magicians with the tigers, but they don’t perform anymore…
Girl #2: You mean Sigmund Freud and Roy?

–Circulo Theater, E. 4th Street

Overheard by: scott cendali

She’s Always Hiding the Head Inside Her

Girl: Mom, how long do you think the turtle will live?
Mother: What do I look like, a fucking turtle connoisseur?

–Canal & West Broadway

Overheard by: David Kopach

$20 Says He Ends Up at Syracuse

Asian man: Excuse me, do you know where is the Staten Island Ferry?
Suit: Yeah, just keep walking in this direction along the water. It’s the big orange motherfucker, you can’t miss it.

–Battery Park

The Wednesday One-liners Bizarre Guide to NY

Dad: See there? When people tell you to go jump off the Brooklyn Bridge, that’s where you have to go.

–South Street Seaport

Overheard by: Jackie Randazzo

Someone, Put Her in a Maze Against Flipper

Guy: So you’re saying tuna is really dolphin?
Lady: That’s why it says “Dolphin Safe”. It’s safe to eat even though it’s dolphin.

–Broadway & Worth

No, Arm & Hammer

Yuppie guy #1: Armagnac?
Yuppie guy #2: Yeah, armagnac. It’s pretty much like cognac.
Yuppie guy #1: And it’s made by Armani?

–Varick & Franklin

Overheard by: Timothy Wilson

Introducing the New Comeback to Anything

Girl #1: …so I like tried it last night, and it wasn’t that bad and all…not like great, but not too gross or whatever. But then he like, wanted to jackoff on my Pop-Tart today, and I was like, “Yuck, get out!”
Girl #2: Do you think these sneakers are geeky?

–Battery Park

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