Wednesday One-Liners. (Allegedly)

Snooty female 30-something to friend: Pap-smears are, to me, the new fake eyelashes.

–Upper East Side

Overheard by: ianbobian

Aggressive New Yorker: So he pulls out his fucking fake-ass parking pass, and I pull out my gun. And I'm like "you still wanna park here, asshole? Go ahead!"

–60th St & Broadway

Screaming drunk girl to slightly sober guy: If you're going to be fake to me, at least be fake to my face!

–LIRR

Overheard by: Really!?!?

Girl on cell: Okay, call me when you're done entertaining the fake Jews.

–Cafe, Church & Walker

Loud woman: No, it was a fake. I'd have to like, sleep with him to get the real one, you know?

–Hester & Mott

Overheard by: Jensel

Posted on July 21, 2022
Ahhh! Real New Yorkers, All Wednesday One-Liners, Body Parts, Cars and Driving, Chinatown, Compare/Contrast, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Fakes, Friends, Girls, Guys, Insults, Judaism, Lies, Medicine, On Cell, One-liners, Restaurants & Cafes, Sex, Stupidity, Threats, Trains Not Subway, Upper East Side, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Weapons, Weirdness, Women

The Island of Dr. Wednesday One-Liners

Man on cell: Was there a lot of bleeding? [unintelligible reply] Well, was it four sheep or five? [reply] We have to find a way to separate the cows from the sheep.

–Elevator, 56th & 8th

Drunk girl, yelling: All I want is a llama! Another cocktail and a llama!

–Terminal 5

Dude: So you’re enjoying acting, LA, monogamy, horses?

–Cafe Esperanto

Chick to friend: I don’t care how well you clean it, I am not doing shots out of that alligator!

–TriBeCa

Overheard by: lalala

Swanky pin-stripe suit on cellphone: The little shit will definitely get approved. He’s as healthy as a French gay ox.

–51st & 3rd

Overheard by: IG

Young black dude: You know the movie The Lion King? Yeah The Lion King! …You know, the one with all the tigers.

–4 Train

Overheard by: BQM lady

Man: Manatees are the most peaceful creatures in the world… They get hit by motor boats!

–Astor Place

Posted on July 5, 2022
Accidents, All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Black People, Blood & bleeding, Cleanliness, Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Disney, Drinks, Drunks, Elevators, Foreigners, Friends, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Guys, JFK Airport, Jobs & Careers, Men, Movies, Names, Offers and requests, On Cell, On the Subway, Questions, Relationships, Restaurants & Cafes, Rich people, Stupidity, Suits, The Village, U.S. Geography, Upper East Side, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Weirdness

Saviors: Gotta Catch 'em All!

Teen boy #1: You should be a Pokemon for Halloween.
Teen boy #2: Like Jesus?

–Chambers St.

Posted on July 1, 2022
Advice, Holidays, Jesus, Teens, TV, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport

Wednesday XXX-Liners

Overly flamboyant gay guy on phone: There is no way he can put himself through law school doing hardcore gay porn!

–Soho

Overheard by: Anastassia

Gay boy to another: Pornstars make good money.

–L Train

Girl: He wants to make money, but all his plans involve me being in porn. You know how long it takes to make a $1000 in porn? Three months!

–Destination Bar, 13th & Ave A

Overheard by: erkala

Heavyset dude to chick watching the Olympics: So I was watching curling porn the other day…

–Lucky Jack's bar, Orchard St.

Overheard by: Ladle

Guy to friend: I saw that girl in a porn video last night. She has a cock.

–William & Cedar

Overheard by: Laura

Posted on June 25, 2022
All Wednesday One-Liners, Alphabet City, Bars & Clubs, Friends, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Guys, Jobs & Careers, Lower East Side, Money & Class, Movies, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Penis, Porn, Queer guys, School and studying, Soho, Street, Time, Trannies, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Confirmed: Biological Terrorism Hits New York

My guy friend and I stopped on the sidewalk to finish up a conversation and say goodbye. A man walks by and gave a hard shoulder nudge to my friend and kept walking.

Guy friend: Yeah, excuse me!
Man: You stopped in the middle of the sidewalk. You can’t stop in the middle of the sidewalk; people need to get by.

An argument ensues, then the man walks away. He changes his mind, walks back and gets within inches of my friend’s face.

Man: I have a cold and I’m going to talk right in your face!

–Broadway & Fulton

Overheard by: Jessie

Posted on June 17, 2022
Anger Management, Assholes, Fighting and ass kicking, Friends, Illness, Only in New York, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport

That, and Blasting That Music at All Hours

Suit #1: I had to dig a four foot trench last weekend.
Suit #2: Why?
Suit #1: Well, we’re putting a waterfall into my swimming pool.
Suit #1: That’s why they invented Mexicans.

–Trinity Place

Overheard by: B-tron

Posted on May 27, 2022
Multiculturalism, Overheard Style, Suits, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport

It Means He’s Up for Re-election

Suit #1: So now the mayor wants this new festival.
Suit #2: Oh, yeah? Which one?
Suit #1: The Asian Heritage festival, whatever the hell that means.

–Chambers & Broadway

Overheard by: Chandini Davis

Posted on April 29, 2022
Asians, Chinatown, Multiculturalism, Overheard Style, Parades & Festitivites, Politics, Suits, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport

How Sodomy is Regulated in West Virginia

Slutty girl: I think someone should have a tattoo over their asshole that says ‘Do Not Enter.’
Friend: I nominate you.

–Fulton & Water St

Overheard by: Anon

Posted on April 7, 2022
Asshole, Bimbettes, Hootchies, Tattoos, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Words

Wednesday One-Liners Get Some Pussy

Hipster chick with "valley girl" accent: Ya, like, ohmigod, ewwwwww… So I was reading Cosmo, and like, there was this story, about like, guys' confessions, you know? And like, this random guy actually said, like, "Sometimes, I rub my dick on my cat's fur, and it feels good."

–Washington Square Park

10-year-old girl to another: I bet his idea of a hot girl is the crazy cat lady across the street.

–34th St, Astoria

Overheard by: Samantha

Woman to another: I have a friend in Belgium now–we both have cats!

–One World Financial Center

Overheard by: macgeekgrl

Brunette on phone: Do you want to play with your cat or do you want to play with me?

–60th St b/w Park & Madison

Overheard by: Adam B.

20-something on cell: And when I woke up, I had no idea where I was. Then I realized I was spooning his cat.

–Houston & Broadway

Overheard by: J Cox

Posted on January 17, 2022
Astoria, Beastiality, Bimbettes, Friendship, Gay Man's Best Friend, Girls, Hipsters, Kids, On Cell, One-liners, Parks, Penis, Physical appearance, Pop Culture, Questions, Sensory Experiences, Sex, Street, Stupidity, The Village, Upper East Side, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Washington Square Park, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

Is Anything More Fun Than Shocking the Prudish?

Drunk girl #1: Have you let him cross the border?
Sober girl: W-what?
Drunk girl #2: You have, haven’t you?!
Sober girl: I don’t even know what ‘cross the border’ means…
Drunk girl #2: It means in the butt!
Drunk girl #1: C’mon, girl, let him cross it! Give that man citizenship!

–Lafayette & White

Overheard by: meanstreet

Posted on January 3, 2022
Backdoor, Drunks, Girls, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport

Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport