Duane Reade

Wednesday One‐Liners Tartare

Waspy girl to gaggle of friends: You know, medium‐rare is, like, totally the new medium. You know what I mean? (friends stare blankly) No, I guess you wouldn’t.

–6 Train

Overheard by: I Like Mine Bleeding

B&T CSR: Pork killed my father.

–80 Pine St

Overheard by: It’s me

Stroller‐pushing mom to friend: I gotta do something about her leg! It looks like freeze‐dried meat.

–DeKalb & Washington, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Morning Glory

NYU girl to friend: My hair smells like meat.

–NYU Kimmel Center

Overheard by: evanescent

Girl to friend: This is my pi system: it’s like a sausage.

–NYU Classroom

Man to can of corned beef: God, you understand me so well.

–Duane Reade

Overheard by: Murphy

They’re Both Looking to Trade Up

Girlfriend: Wait, so they’re engaged?
Boyfriend: They’re engaged… in the Murray Hill sense.

–Duane Reade, 33rd & 3rd

Overheard by: mb

Also, You Just Directed Me Towards the Saran Wrap

Dude: There’s a new kind of condom out that makes you feel like you’re not wearing it.
Pharmacist: I don’t know, sorry.
Dude: But you’re a pharmacist.
Pharmacist: The product is over there. (points at all condoms)
Dude: Okay, thanks for knowing nothing.

–Duane Reade

Overheard by: Dave G

This Is a Drawing of a Teapot, Ma’am

Pharmacist, coming out from behind counter: So how can I help you?
British tourish: Well, I have a headache and a bit of a sore throat and [pulls out piece of paper, shows to pharmacist] I am not sure, but I think this is illegal in the United States.

–Duane Reade, 47th & Lexington

Overheard by: EthanK

It Says to Use Your Mouth, But Isn’t That Against God?

Cashier #1, holding black deflated balloon‐thing: Dis thing don’t work, I been blowin’ it, but it don’t blow.
Cashier #2: It ain’t blow? You try to poke it? Wha’ happen when you pokin it ?
Cashier #1: I just been tryin’ to stick it in, and it ain’t work.

–Duane Ready

Overheard by: I Love Duane Reed

If My Heart Made Blood I Wouldn’t Need to Buy Puppies

Store guy: You know, I used to smoke 2 – 3 packs a day. It’s really not good for you.
Dude: Are you gonna give me a discount on Nicorette, then?
Store guy: We don’t have it…but you don’t need that stuff anyway. It doesn’t work. All you really need is your–

He taps his hand on his chest.

Dude: If my heart made nicotine I wouldn’t need to buy cigarettes. 

–Duane Reade, 49th & 9th

Overheard by: Katie

It’s Like My Parents’ Custody Battle All Over Again

Hipster, walking to registers with an armload of toothpaste: Who wants me?
Cashiers: (stare blankly, not moving)
Hipster: What, no one wants me? Ah, damn. That’s sad.

–Duane Reade

“What do you mean, you’re an Average Joe?”

Woman #1: She had been dating him for, like, two years and then she saw him on a reality dating show last night. Now she’s going break up with him.
Woman #2: Well, maybe the show was filmed before they were dating. You know, sometimes those things take a while to get on the air.
Woman #1: They were going out for 2 years! Don’t you think he should have at least mentioned to her, “By the way, I was on a dating show”?

–Duane Reade, 52nd between Madison & Park

Overheard by: Captain Obvious 

Wait– Do We Know How to Sew?

Pretty girl to friends: Oh, wait! They have a section for sewing supplies!
Friend: They have an actual sewing supply section here?
Pretty girl: Yeah, it’s as big as my dick, but they have one.

–Duane Reade

What Happens to Hugh Hefner’s Exes, 20 Years Later

Girl #1: Wow, the Easter Bunny stuffed animals are on sale.
Girl #2: Let’s buy some for your sister.
Crazy lady: You can buy one bunny. You can buy lots of bunnies! And then they’ll take you away!

–Duene Reade

Overheard by: Bunny Attack?

© 2023 OverheardinNewYork.com
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist