Guy: Hey, they have some with a vibrating cock ring!
Girl: Our sex life is complicated enough already.
Guy: But you know how I love little electronic gadgets.
Girl: I’ll buy you an iPod.
–Duane Reade, 7th Street & 6th Avenue
Overheard by: Calliope
Annoyed sexy girl: This is stupid! I don't see how you can just think one city is older than another!
Embarrassed boyfriend: Think about it. Can't you see how Rome would be much older than, say, Provo, Utah?
Annoyed sexy girl: Well, I've never been to either of those, so how would I know?
–Duane Reade, Columbus Ave
Overheard by: Veronica
Asian girl on cell: Yeah… or I could just knock her teeth out and sell them on eBay or something.
–Chelsea Market
Overheard by: Alyssa
Girl on cell: And out of nowhere dude a goddamn peacock feather hit me in the teeth!
–Starbucks, 8th & 39th
Old man: I can smell my own tooth decay!
–Times Square
Overheard by: One Liners Are The Best
Lady on cell: I don't know what to do. I'm like nervous… I know… I haven't bought toothpaste in years…
–Duane Reade
Guy on phone: The difference between you and me is you drink tea and eat tofu. I drink whiskey and make people eat their teeth.
–48th & 5th Ave
Overheard by: Rebecca
NYU JAP on phone to mother (enraged): Ugh, mom! No! Wearing seasonally inappropriate outerwear will not make me sweat and lose weight!
–NYU Silver Center
Overheard by: Maeve
Woman in line with friend at Duane Reade, reading can of energy drink: Wait. There's carbs in here? Like bread carbs? Carbs are bread, right? Cause when people go on, like, a low carb diet, they don't eat any bread, right? But I still don't understand why there's bread in here. Whatever. It doesn't even taste like bread.
–Duane Reade
10-year-old kid to friend: So you're a year older than me, but you're 20 pounds lighter? That's fucked up.
–Christopher St & Waverly Place
Overheard by: sharknife
Girl: You know how some people are social drinkers? I'm a social eater.
–NYU
Overheard by: ninja z
Asian fashionista: Yeah, I think I'm like a size 12 in boys.
–Conde Nast Building
Overheard by: jackattack
Loud guy on cell: Actually, I can't be bulimic anymore because I have no gag reflex. I've been sucking too much cock.
–34th & 7th Ave
Overheard by: Alis
Old lady: You spelled “candle” wrong.
Employee: What?
Old lady: You spelled “candle” wrong on one of your signs. Give me a piece of paper and I’ll fix it for you.
Employee: It’s okay.
Old lady (getting extremely angry): No, it is not okay. This is inappropriate and you need to fix it.
–Duane Reade
Overheard by: just buying some shampoo
Girlfriend: The last thing on the list is pantyhose.
Boyfriend: Pantyhose? I didn't know you wore pantyhose.
Girlfriend: I don't in the summer, because summer is the time to be free and relaxed, but now it's cold and I need to keep warm.
Boyfriend: If you are so free and relaxed in the summer, why are we having sex more now?
Girlfriend: Because now it's cold and I need to keep warm.
–Duane Reade
[Twenty something chick stops in the middle of the store and looks around.]Twenty something dude, who is obviously brother of twenty something chick: What? What are you looking for?
Twenty something chick: The condoms.
–Duane Reade, Penn Station
Overheard by: Rich Mintz
Cashier chick #1: Sundays, now.
Cashier chick #2: You like working Sundays?
Cashier chick #1: I love working Sundays. So quiet. You could sleep, like, three hours. Will Smith came in yesterday! He was shooting a movie.
–Duane Reade, 56th & 6th
Manager: Gary, you serious, you need to go to the bathroom?
Cashier: I need to take, like, a number 4 right now.
Manager: Ew!
Cashier: I don't even know what that means.
–Duane Reade
Chick: When I get mad, my Koreanness comes out.
–Duane Reade, 34th & 8th
Overheard by: Lani A.
