e-Bay

Obnoxious NYU student on phone: Hey, remember that cute boy in my chemistry class I was telling you about? Well, I totally just saw him in a gay porno!

–Study Room, NYU Dorm

Overheard by: NYU Ears

Patient woman: She's making friends with an old porn star, leave her alone!

–2nd Ave b/w 50th & 51st

Overheard by: sab

Cranky suit to nodding friend: Except for porn and eBay, no one knows how to make money anymore!

–Madison Ave & 47th St

Overheard by: kricka

Girl to friend: This would be a great place to shoot a porno.

–Downstairs Bar, Morimoto Restaurant

iPhone screamer: Yeah, just take the exec-u-table file and put it in the folder. Right the exec-u-table file! I know, the music is funny, like a porno, right?

–33rd St b/w 5th & 6th

Chick: You *know* we're all going to be googling "eggbeater porn" before the night is over.

–Party, 171st & Broadway

Overheard by: Ladle

Asian girl on cell: Yeah… or I could just knock her teeth out and sell them on eBay or something.

–Chelsea Market

Overheard by: Alyssa

Girl on cell: And out of nowhere dude a goddamn peacock feather hit me in the teeth!

–Starbucks, 8th & 39th

Old man: I can smell my own tooth decay!

–Times Square

Overheard by: One Liners Are The Best

Lady on cell: I don't know what to do. I'm like nervous… I know… I haven't bought toothpaste in years…

–Duane Reade

Guy on phone: The difference between you and me is you drink tea and eat tofu. I drink whiskey and make people eat their teeth.

–48th & 5th Ave

Overheard by: Rebecca

Queer #1: I should have known you had that one.
Queer #2: Yeah, I mean, I have every Barbra Streisand recording ever.
Queer #1: I shouldn’t have gotten that for you; it was such a stupid gift.
Queer #2: No, I’ll just sell the old one on eBay.

–1 train

Overheard by: Fatty McFingers

Girl: Dude, good think Thom Yorke is a great musician, because that guy looks like my dog's ass.
Guy: If your dog's ass looks like Thom Yorke, I suggest you put that dog up for sale.
Girl: I would never sell my dog!
Guy: I would sell my dog on eBay in a heartbeat.
Girl: You can't sell animals on eBay.
Guy: I would sell my dog's leash and throw in the dog for free.

–Fordham Ram Van

Overheard by: sromeo

Man: I don’t really use Facebook anymore… Except to booty-call poke.

–Starbucks, 6th Ave

Chick: If I die, I don’t want a Facebook group in my memory. It’s tacky.

–Broadway & Waverly

Overheard by: Sarah

Web guy: I’d say my mouse hand is ‘strong’ to ‘very strong.’

–46th & 6th

German man to another: [Rambles in German, then] EBay is sin! A sin, I tell you!

–H&M, 34th St

Overheard by: Melissa Coppola

Math teacher who looks like Ali G: So, I took a ‘How ghetto are you?’ quiz on Facebook. Turns out I’m only 61 percent ghetto.

–Bronx Science

Thug to thugette: Fall back — you never know when people gonna be postin’ what you said on the Internet.

–Astor Pl

Overheard by: katattack

Mother: Honey, save the cookies for later.
Little girl: You’re so mean! I’m gonna sell you on eBay!

–6 train, 59th St

Overheard by: effie

Woman: I’m going to become such an eBay addict.
Friend: Yeah?
Woman: Well, maybe I should wait until I know if I got the job.

–43rd St & Lex

Overheard by: Beeeej

Guy #1: Hey, is your guitar nice?
Guy #2: Yeah, it’s pretty nice.
Guy #1: I’ll take your word for it. I’m gonna get $300 for it in about an hour.

–F train

Guy #1: Yo, them pants is hot, where’d you get ’em?
Guy #2: Muthafuckin’ eBay, nigga!

–7th & Bleecker

Overheard by: Eve’s droppings