Beauty

Wednesday One-liners Are Smokin’

Guy on cell: Dude, I’m looking in a mirror right now, and I’m really hot. Seriously though, do you think I’m really hot or just average?…But you haven’t seen me since I got rid of my hair…

–North Six, Williamsburg

Drunk guy: Yeah, she’s a model. Anybody that pretty has a 6 pound dog, she’s a model.

–Chelsea Piers

Overheard by: Diane

Chick on cell: I don’t know if it’s his complete lack of direction in life or his total depression, but I find him like soooo freaking hot.

–110th & Broadway

Overheard by: djlindee

Wednesday One-liners are for the Dogs

Guy: Golden retrievers are beautiful animals. If I were a golden retriever, I would be so vain!

–Shade, Sullivan Street

Guy on cell: Oh, you want a doggy treat? When I get home I’ll give you a big fat bone.

–34th & 8th

Woman: Peter! Dog poop is not a toy!

–CPW & 65th Street

Overheard by: Johnathan

Special Sale on Whipped Cream

Customer: Christ, there are beautiful women every time I come in here.
Cashier: Yeah! All day long! It hurts!

–St. Mark’s Gourmet Market, St. Mark’s Place

Someone’s Not Getting Laid Tonight

Girlfriend: It’s just because she’s so…unconventional.
Boyfriend: By “unconventional”, do you mean “pretty”?

–86th & Park

Overheard by: CStix

A Bird in Hand is Worth Two in the Bush

Paparazzo: So you two are really pretty, have you ever done any modeling?
Dutch girl #1: Ha ha ha, not me, maybe her.
Dutch girl #2: No, I am studying history at home.
Paparazzo: You really should consider it, there is great money in it and I would love to help you get started.
Dutch girl #2: Sounds interesting…what type of modeling?
Paparazzo: Well, nude sells the best. We can go over to my place and discuss it.
Dutch girl #1: Great!
Dutch girl #2: Maybe you can take some of us together.

–Times Square

Overheard by: Stephanie Nally

Let Me Guess: “Great Personality”

Girl #1: She always has this miserable look about her.
Girl #2: Dude, that’s just her face.
Girl #1: Ew.

–Lincoln Center

I Myself Just Went From Pretty Good to Pretty Bitchy

Girl #1: She was so pretty.
Girl #2: Good pretty or bitchy pretty?

Girl #1: Can you, like, recognize a nosejob when you see one?
Girl #2: Why? Are you thinking of getting one? You don’t need it.
Girl #1: No, I just wanted to go hang out someplace where people have had a lot of plastic surgery.

–B61 bus

Better: “I hope the rain comes all weekend.”

Girl: Your hair looks so hot when it’s raining.
Boy: Really?
Girl: Yes, you get that Swedish porn star look.
Boy: In that case I hope it rains all weekend.

–Penn Station

Flaming Wednesday One-liners

Guy on cell: It’s not like I sucked some guy’s dick last…oh wait, I did!

–Houston & Lafayette

Overheard by: a.alvarez & c.palmatier

Guy: I’m sorry, I left my foundation at home today.

–The Flame, Clinton

Overheard by: Sandy

Wednesday One-liners, Again

Truck driver: Hey you!…Honey…yeah, you…you’re number one…you’re the best of the day, you win!

–Long Island City

Woman: I don’t usually spend $40 on chapstick, but I really wanted it.

–1st & 52nd

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