Girl: You staring at me?
Guy: Yeah, but only ’cause you look so fine.
Girl: True. But you can stop checking me out now. These aren’t public titties, they’re private titties. For select audiences only, and you’re not a member.
–A train
Girl: You staring at me?
Guy: Yeah, but only ’cause you look so fine.
Girl: True. But you can stop checking me out now. These aren’t public titties, they’re private titties. For select audiences only, and you’re not a member.
–A train
Queer: That girl shows her tits for pizza. She’s like an heiress or something, but she’s also a hooker on Craigslist.
–Marie’s Crisis, Grove Street
Guy: You’re much prettier than some random girl I saw at the airport
yesterday.
–12 Chairs, Macdougal Street
Hipster guy: I have a sexual thing for zombies.
–4th & D
Man on cell: What do you mean, “you are deeply fucked”?
–St. Mark’s & 2nd
Overheard by: ljdes
Woman on cell: She looks like the kind of person who would giggle during sex.
–Christopher Street
Doorman: I feel sexy today!
–81st & CPW
Overheard by: Brad King
Black chick: Damn, girl! You know you be fly when the boys in the yarmulkes be checkin’ yo’ ass out!
–Broadway & 110th
Overheard by: Max Ravyn
Girl on cell: Mom, I don’t know what he’s supposed to have in his fridge, I usually don’t see anything but his sheets…
–75th & 3rd
Old lady: You were sexually active when you were 9?
–76th & 3rd
Overheard by: Pinsy
Guy: I’m doing a house in the Hamptons, but I only know one person, this one girl. So I get an e-mail to meet everyone for drinks on Thursday, and I look at the names and it’s girl girl girl, girl girl, Santos, girl girl girl…and I’m like, “OK, am I the only guy in this house?”. And she said there’s a couple other guys coming out for 1 or 2 weekends. So I’m like, “OK, all girls, that’s cool. Are they cute?” and she says, “Yeah, they’re all cute.” So I said, “Well, I’m not matching the first couple weeks, they’ll think I’m gay!” She said, “Yeah don’t match, they’ll think you’re gay.” So I’m not matching. Plus they’re going to see “Santos” and think I’m freakin’…card-carrying…freakin’…off the boat, just swam the…freakin’ Florida canal…from Cuba or something.
–V train
Overheard by: kt
Russian chick: I don’t know why he’s so pathetic that he resorts to lap dancing. I mean, come on, lap dancing! Is he really so desperate? He’s a good-looking guy, I just don’t understand how he could stoop so low!
Preppy guy: No no no, you misunderstand! He’s not desperate, he’s just into that sort of thing… you know, he’s actually dating a porn star right now.
–84th between 2nd & 3rd
Overheard by: Mr. Sausage
Girl: …and I was crying! Because he told me I was so ugly. But then he said he was just being honest…
–9th Street & 2nd Avenue
Overheard by: Domi
Guy: Hey Dave, remember the last time we were here, that security guard came up to you and asked if you needed medical attention because he assumed you got hit in the mouth with a baseball?
–Yankee Stadium
Overheard by: Michael Bull
Cop: You couldn’t suck hard enough to give her a hickey. All the stubble broke the suction.
–30th & 7th
Teenage boy: Honestly! Why would anyone put spermicide on their face?
–Bank Street
Overheard by: Jon Gordon
Mother: I can’t believe you like how Robin’s face looks. It doesn’t look like she’s wearing any makeup! She needs to wear makeup.
–Sephora, 5th Avenue
Asian guy: She’s crazy. She’s obsessed with death!
Pudgy White guy: But she’s hot.
Black guy: So what?
Pudgy White guy: Yeah, she’s crazy…but she’s hot. They kind of balance each other out, you know?
–F train
Overheard by: emdashes
Boyfriend: What about kitty?
Girlfriend: Oh, I could eat kitty. No really, I could make a great stir-fry with the cat.
Boyfriend: You would eat my cat?
Girlfriend: Ah, that would be a great way to get at you: eat your cat.
–St. Mark’s Place
Queer #1: So is your physical therapist cute?
Queer #2: “Cute” as in “do I want to do him cute”? Yeah.
Queer #1: Well, that can be a great incentive to do well.
–NYSC locker room, 16th & 8th
Guy on cell: Dude, I’m looking in a mirror right now, and I’m really hot. Seriously though, do you think I’m really hot or just average?…But you haven’t seen me since I got rid of my hair…
–North Six, Williamsburg
Drunk guy: Yeah, she’s a model. Anybody that pretty has a 6 pound dog, she’s a model.
–Chelsea Piers
Overheard by: Diane
Chick on cell: I don’t know if it’s his complete lack of direction in life or his total depression, but I find him like soooo freaking hot.
–110th & Broadway
Overheard by: djlindee
Guy: Golden retrievers are beautiful animals. If I were a golden retriever, I would be so vain!
–Shade, Sullivan Street
Guy on cell: Oh, you want a doggy treat? When I get home I’ll give you a big fat bone.
–34th & 8th
Woman: Peter! Dog poop is not a toy!
–CPW & 65th Street
Overheard by: Johnathan
Customer: Christ, there are beautiful women every time I come in here.
Cashier: Yeah! All day long! It hurts!
–St. Mark’s Gourmet Market, St. Mark’s Place
