Foreigners

Eat, Drink, Wednesday One-liners

British chick: I just solved my lunch problem, because I hate raw cheese.

–27th Street office

Guy: Bitch, you better give me back my donuts or I’ll pull out your weave.

–Washington Heights

Overheard by: Vinson Guthreau

Guy: Nothing like going to Chuck E. Cheese to make you start drinking again.

–82nd & Amsterdam

Overheard by: JY

Lady: This is a yuppie McDonald’s. It’s all middle class people here.

–McDonald’s, 47th Street

Overheard by: Christa Bramberger

As a Brooklyn Brewery delivery truck passed a toddler on the sidewalk yelled: I love beer!

–Williamsburg

Overheard by: tee sul

Bartender: If the Burp Castle ever closes it means the death of classical music in New York.

–Burp Castle bar, E. 7th Street

Guy on cell: Is this like that time where Laura told me that cat food was Lucky Charms?

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Cynthia

Terror Alert Level: Indifferent

Guy: I think Ground Zero is kind of interesting. There’s nothing there, but it’s kind of cool. Also, if you walk along 5th Avenue there’s a lot of cool stores.

–V train

Fat lady: Well, this was worth the cab ride, I guess.

–Ground Zero

Overheard by: Eileen Donnelly

Foreign tourist: Excuse me, where is the World Trade Center?
Woman: Um, they’re gone.

–Church & Warren

Overheard by: Clay Caviness

Fighting Communism was Funnier than Fighting Terrorism

A Russian lady mutters to herself: I want to be at the front of the line so I can pick my seat, I’m not sitting by some fat, smelly person.

She tries to cut to the front of the line, unsuccessfully.

Russian lady: I was here the whole time! I was standing right next to this lady!
This lady: No, she wasn’t.
Conductor: You better get to the back of the line, ma’am.
Russian lady: But I was here the whole time! Where’s your manager? I want to talk to the manager!
Conductor: Please step to the back of the line, you’ve gotta wait in line like everyone else.
Russian lady: I know what your problem is! I bet you don’t like white people!

Everyone else in line burst out laughing, and she was escorted away by security.

–Port Authority

Woman: Well, at least the Mexicans are friendly and they’re always working. Unlike those goddamn Russians! You know what I mean!

–Bensonhurst

Overheard by: Deborah Olin

A Bird in Hand is Worth Two in the Bush

Paparazzo: So you two are really pretty, have you ever done any modeling?
Dutch girl #1: Ha ha ha, not me, maybe her.
Dutch girl #2: No, I am studying history at home.
Paparazzo: You really should consider it, there is great money in it and I would love to help you get started.
Dutch girl #2: Sounds interesting…what type of modeling?
Paparazzo: Well, nude sells the best. We can go over to my place and discuss it.
Dutch girl #1: Great!
Dutch girl #2: Maybe you can take some of us together.

–Times Square

Overheard by: Stephanie Nally

The Very Limited Minutes Plan

An old Russian man has put his bag on the seat next to him. An old lady asks him to move it. He refuses as there are other seats albeit not in the front. Things get escalated until the old lady says: You’re a son of a bitch. I’d like to see you hit me with that. I’ll call the cops right now. I’ve got my cell phone!

–B1 bus

(After this exchange our editor handed her his card and told her that she would be on this site. She was confused on so many levels that they kind of cancelled out and she nodded & smiled.)

He Would Make Sure of This How?

British parks guy: Yeh, fishin’ shit outta pools like this is me specialty.
Dude: Yeah, that’s great, but our frisbee is stuck in a tree.
British parks guy: Throwin’ yer frisbee at the birds, eh? You better make sure they don’t come after ye in yer dreams and peck yer fuckin’ eyes out.

–Central Park

Overheard by: NG

I Don’t Speak American Brands

British chick: This hot chocolate is amazing.
New Zealand chick: I love those Swiss Maid things.

–27th Street office

Clearly Not From Stuyvesant

HS boy #1: So you are like Chinese, right?
HS boy #2: No dude, I’m Peruvian.
HS boy #1: Where in China is that?

–4 train

Overheard by: Richard Bird

Better: “I hope the rain comes all weekend.”

Girl: Your hair looks so hot when it’s raining.
Boy: Really?
Girl: Yes, you get that Swedish porn star look.
Boy: In that case I hope it rains all weekend.

–Penn Station

Readers: Give the Hippie a Clever Retort

Hippie: They gave Israel a nuclear submarine.
Companion: So they can fish?

–5th Ave. & 21st St.

Overheard by: MK and AT

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