Foreigners

Wednesday One-liners for the Kiddies

Guy: So, I went on this audition, and they asked me, “Can you juggle and ride a unicycle?”. I mean, I can juggle, and I can ride a unicycle, but I can’t do both at once, I’m not a skills clown. Basically, my skill is falling. I can fall really well.

–A train

Overheard by: Berit J.

Girl: Mommy, what’s the opposite of hair?

–86th & Broadway

Overheard by: Stuart Weisberg

Mom: Don’t you know this is the liberry, not the cry-berry?

–The Fordham Library Center

Tween girl: …and the one Winnie the Pooh had a nice body…

–Bryant Park

Overheard by: Jason B. Schmidt

Guy: …if my wife and I spit at the kids, nothing happens…but if a llama does they burst into tears.

–53rd & 6th

Overheard by: J-Mo

British guy: Can’t be more worse than having a baby every six months.

–116th & Lexington

Boy: Mommy, how many hours are in a mile?

–44th & 8th

Overheard by: BBW

Love Would Have Warranted a Trip to Guantanamo

Middle-aged woman: Whatever happened to that guy you were in love with?
Young woman: We weren’t in love, just seriously in like.
Middle-aged woman: So, what happened to him?
Young woman: I had him deported.

–64th & Broadway

Billion to One Odds Says God Doesn’t Agree

Old lady: Your dog is beautiful!
Young lady: Than–
Old lady: It’s terrible what they do to those dogs in China. I won’t even say but it’s awful…Chinese people don’t even deserve to live.

–Sunnyside post office

Man Oh Man, I Hope This Doesn’t Jinx Ours…

Russian woman: She’s doing very well. Her book is doing well. She’s already sold a lot of books.
American woman: That’s great! That must be so exciting!
Russian woman: Yes, she has already sold ten or twenty, I think.

–Union Square

Overheard by: Diana

Chinese Food Doesn’t Think It’s Better Than All Other Foods

Tourist guy: So what’s the difference between Korean and Chinese?
New York guy: You mean the food, or the people?
Tourist guy: Either one. But I only care about the food.

–Bayard & Mulberry

Overheard by: iiams

In Their Defense, They Did Kill the EU

Girl: Sorry, I’m trying to be as French as possible.
French guy: Oh, I’m from Bawsten.

–N train

Overheard by: c. dubs

The train pulls out of the underground. Three Hispanic teens look outside.

Hispanic teen #1: You can’t see the Eiffel Tower from here?

They continue looking for a good twenty seconds.

Hispanic teen #2: That shit’s in Paris, yo!

–F train

Overheard by: Daniel Radosh

“Put it in the fridge. That’ll make it warm.”

American businesschick: How is your food?
Russian businesschick: It’s OK, but my salad is cold.

–Cosi, 45th & 3rd

That’s More Like a Rodin

Tour guide: Now what does it look like to you? Does it look very European, very Greek?
Woman: It looks like a poo.

–Aztec exhibit, Guggenheim Museum

Eat, Drink, Wednesday One-liners

British chick: I just solved my lunch problem, because I hate raw cheese.

–27th Street office

Guy: Bitch, you better give me back my donuts or I’ll pull out your weave.

–Washington Heights

Overheard by: Vinson Guthreau

Guy: Nothing like going to Chuck E. Cheese to make you start drinking again.

–82nd & Amsterdam

Overheard by: JY

Lady: This is a yuppie McDonald’s. It’s all middle class people here.

–McDonald’s, 47th Street

Overheard by: Christa Bramberger

As a Brooklyn Brewery delivery truck passed a toddler on the sidewalk yelled: I love beer!

–Williamsburg

Overheard by: tee sul

Bartender: If the Burp Castle ever closes it means the death of classical music in New York.

–Burp Castle bar, E. 7th Street

Guy on cell: Is this like that time where Laura told me that cat food was Lucky Charms?

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Cynthia

Terror Alert Level: Indifferent

Guy: I think Ground Zero is kind of interesting. There’s nothing there, but it’s kind of cool. Also, if you walk along 5th Avenue there’s a lot of cool stores.

–V train

Fat lady: Well, this was worth the cab ride, I guess.

–Ground Zero

Overheard by: Eileen Donnelly

Foreign tourist: Excuse me, where is the World Trade Center?
Woman: Um, they’re gone.

–Church & Warren

Overheard by: Clay Caviness

© 2026 OverheardinNewYork.com
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist