Drunk guy: For the last time, a chick with a dick is a hermaphrodite!
–47th & Broadway
Overheard by: Jerad Lewis
Drunk guy: For the last time, a chick with a dick is a hermaphrodite!
–47th & Broadway
Overheard by: Jerad Lewis
Drunk guy: I lost my voice last night; I haven’t lost my voice since high school.
Sober guy: Only little bitches lose their voice.
Drunk guy: True.
–1st Avenue between 3rd & 4th
Girl: Are those tighty whities?
Guy: Yeah, it’s laundry day.
Girl: Then why drop your drawers in a bar?
–Danny Boys, Staten Island
Overheard by: bawookie
Hippie guy on cell: Nathan, I don’t care how drunk you were, if you’re giving a blowjob, you know you’re giving a blowjob.
–Park Slope
Overheard by: Mr. Donutsu
Chick #1: Hoboken just sounds dirty to me.
Chick #2: Why? Because like, “hobos”?
Chick #1: Yeah.
Chick #2: Well, it’s uplifting. Like, “hobos can!” get their lives together. It’s not called “hobo can’t.”
–9th Street PATH station
Drunk girl: I can’t believe I have to take this train to Hoboken! This is horrible! Thank God it’s just for tonight, I can’t imagine doing this every day! This is the worst!
Guy: Where in the city do you live?
Drunk girl: I live in Rutherford.
–PATH train
Overheard by: kt
Sober girl: Did you know your mother has a penis?
Drunk girl: My mom’s wild!
Sober girl: So did you know?
Drunk girl: It’s great, man, it’s great.
–1 train
Drunk dude: I’ve always wanted a pet bee. You know? That would be so cool. To have a pet bee. I’d take it for a walk every day and show it to the neighbors. And they’d be so amazed that I had a pet bee!
Guy #1: How would you take a bee for a walk?
Drunk dude: I’d tie a little string around its neck. Like a leash, you know?
Guy #2: I didn’t know that bees had a neck.
–LIRR
Overheard by: Eric Roitman
Drunk Asian girl: We should totally go salsa dancing.
Drunk white girl: Yeah, that would be so fun.
Drunk Asian girl: We’d be the only white people there, though.
–J train
Overheard by: Jim VB
NYU girl: So do they like hate everyone?
NYU boy: No, not everyone; just white people.
–Union Square
Drunk girl #1: He’s totally cute, but I find his moles distracting.
Drunk girl #2: Yeah and he kinda reminds me of a Klingon…I’d still make out with him though.
–Thompson & Bleecker
Old drunk Southern guy: Woo!
Young drunk Southern guy: Ha, ha, ha! Woo woo!
Old drunk Southern guy: Come on, it’s one “woo”! Woo!
Young drunk Southern guy: Ha, ha, ha! Woo woo!
Old drunk Southern guy: Just one woo! Woo!
–6 train
Overheard by: C & J
