Penis

How Was Your Halloween, New York?

Guy: It was a good night! We saw the parade…we got drunk…I made out with a pregnant nun…

–Ben’s Pizza, Spring Street

Overheard by: A. Yanishevsky

Drunk girl: Hey, Red #2, where’s the rest of the pack?
Red crayon guy: Ooh, you’re a regular Dean Martin, aren’t you?

–Puck Fair, Lafayette Street

Guy on cell: Trick or treat, fucking witch!

–20th & Park

Overheard by: Pedro Lebron

Guy #1: I know it’s Halloween and this is the West Village, but do you faggots have to block the entire sidewalk?
Guy #2: Oh go sit on a cock.
Guy #1: Yeah, you’d like that.

–Christopher & Bedford

Overheard by: Adam Nathan

Chick on cell: Wait, wait, he put what where?…Uh huh…Well it was
Halloween last night…And then he did what? He ate it? That must have tasted like shit, literally!

–F train

Hipster girl: You know that guy Adam? That I….screwed? Well, he got arrested on Halloween for having a gun that looked like a gun.

–Mercer & Waverly

Which Apparently Comes Maple Syrup

Girl: Oh my god, what is that smell?
Boy: Yeah, what is that?
Hobo fort: It’s my big fat cock!

–57th & 6th

His Medusa Cock Will Turn You to Stone

A bunch of people walk by a guy peeing.

Guy: Don’t fucking look at my penis!

–St. Marks

She’s Got Wednesday One-liners Down There

Drunk guy: For the last time, a chick with a dick is a hermaphrodite!

–47th & Broadway

Overheard by: Jerad Lewis

It’s All Brave New World Up in Here

Girl: Is your package big?
Guy: …I don’t know…depends on what my mom ordered.

–116th & Broadway

Overheard by: Bowserhsu

Gehenna: Afterlife or Family Reunion?

Mom: Stop giving your sister the evil eye! What did I tell you about giving people the evil eye?
Little boy: That they would be sent to Hell forever to live with the devil.

–Bx22 bus

Bookchick #1: I had to go and see a circumcision yesterday. Any mother who does that to their son is evil and should burn in Hell.
Bookchick #2: Yeah, but it’s much more hygienic.
Bookchick #1: So? Your labia gets dirty too.

–Barnes & Noble, 22nd & 6th

Overheard by: Vic Payback

Look What They’ve Done to the Hokey Pokey

Queer #1: He told me he had an 8 inch penis.
Queer #2: Oh really?
Queer #1: It was only 8 inches if he put it in twice.

–L train

Overheard by: Marcus and Nate

She Was Talking About the Walrus, You Freaks!

Woman: His penis was out, and it was as big as a baseball bat, and it reached his mouth. And all the kids were saying, “What’s that?”.

–New York Aquarium

Where is King Syphilitic Dementia’s “Fireplace”?

Hobo: I am the king, bow down before me…The president of the United States is a retarded fuck. American people don’t care about life. Why fight for America? Fuck sending a bunch of people over there to kill and be killed. It’s ridiculous. Bush thinks it’s okay. He’s the dictator, he’s the bad man. If I ever get my hands on him, I’m gonna torture his ass. I’ll cut his dick off. I’ll take a pipe from the fireplace and stick it up his ass. I’m the king. I’ll always be the king. I say this…Don’t ever believe America. America is godless. The people are full of shit. Anyone who goes to war for America has got to be out their motherfuckin’ mind.

–Central Park

Overheard by: psd

He Even Put It On His Resume

Guy #1: Tell me something exciting. I need to live vicariously. All I do is work.
Guy #2: In Paris, a criminal on rollerblades sucked my dick.

–Houston between 1st & 2nd

Overheard by: kevin redman

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