Sexuality

Wednesday One‐Liners, As God Made Them

Guy on cell: What does you caring about me have to do with me at some club with “hypothetical” naked chicks?

–42nd & Lexington

Guy yelling across street to girl on phone: Tell her I waited naked on the bed all night but she never came!

–Washington Square

Suit to another: It’s so weird because there are so many people at the office who you’d never think to picture naked… Like Marcy: you’d never picture her naked. Alex: you’d never picture him naked. Derek: I’ve never pictured him naked.

–F Train

Overheard by: EmLo

Guy, to two women: I was like, “You’re lying on top of me. We’re naked. When does this get fun?”

–Philosophy Building, Columbia University

Overheard by: Ladle

(girl is wearing small, tight, mini‐skirt and talking to a group of boys)
Girl: If it was up to me, I wouldn’t be wearing any clothes, if it weren’t for gravity.

–Sybil’s, Liberty Ave, Queens

Overheard by: Terrence

20‐something girl to friend: So I chased after him, but I was naked…so how far could I go?

–Brooklyn Promanade

One Liners from the Legitimate Wednesday

Student, about her play: I want the audience to enter through the vagina before they sit down.

–NYU

Guy to younger girl, at intermission of Spring Awakening, right after sex scene: So you had to choose this? We couldn’t have gone to see The Little Mermaid?

–Eugene O’Neill Theatre

College student: …exactly how you’d expect a college rendition of The Vagina Monologues to go.

–NYU

Black guy on cell: It doesn’t mean I’m gay because I’m going to see a play. (pause) It’s for a class… There’s nothing wrong with wanting to see a play.

–Union Square

Overheard by: erkala

20‐something guy to friend: Picture it; Fishsticks: the musicical!

–63rd St & Broadway

A Feminist Critique Of Wednesday One‐Liners

Chick: Was she a gymnast, or a feminist?

–Café, 113th & Amsterdam

Overheard by: Ladle

Anthropology professor: Everyone’s a misogynist. Women attend seminars, “seminar” comes from the word “semen,” which comes from the Latin for “a unit of knowledge.” And this, my friends, is how women get smart.

–Classroom, NYU

Overheard by: thats how I got into NYU

Rambling man: Nobody’s gonna be in charge anymore! (pause) Except the ladies.

–Rivington & Forsyth

Just Not Prettier Than Us

Hipster girl #1: He’s, like, gayer than gay. But that’s cool.
Hipster girl #2: Yeah.
Hipster girl #1: I mean, we want him to be gay.
Hipster girl #2: Yeah.

–F train

Overheard by: Jenny

So, Wanna Fuck?

Good looking suit to lunch date: How about this – let’s say that you and I are equally attractive. Now let’s say that on any given day we each see 1,000 people of the opposite sex (a lot more, obviously, but that’s a good number). You, as a woman, could sleep with approximately 850 of them – that 1,000 is discounted by the 100 who are gay (10%, as they say), and the 50 who are faithful to their wives/girlfriends. Now for me – I see 1,000 women, but 850 is way too high a number for me – maybe, if I’m lucky, I could find a few skanks in the group willing to bang a guy they don’t know. Aside from that, I’m looking at 2 – 3 dates, dinners, phone calls, all that shit. That’s why it’s easier for girls.
Date: Wow.
Good looking suit: It’s simple math.
Date: You would only allow 50 faithfuls? Sheesh.
Good looking suit: Men are scum.

–Bryant Park

Overheard by: wedding rings are for sissies

Tonight’s Movie: The Last Homorai

Black bag lady: Oh, look, I like this samurai boy here…
Attractive Asian man, passing: Ah, thank you for getting the cultural reference right!
Black bag lady: You married?
Attractive Asian man, walking away: No, I’m gay!

–Long Island City

Keeps Failing the Entrance Exam

Woman: She worked in a lesbian bar… She is not a lesbian.
Man: Well, she should be a lesbian.
Woman: Yes, exactly.

–87th & Lex

Nobody Really Knows Anybody

Woman: Karen’s gone. She resigned. She’s going to California to be with some boy.
Man: Wow, that’s scary.
Woman: Yeah. Especially since when I first met her she was a lesbian.

–Wagner College, Staten Island

And I’m Certainly Going to Stop Fingering Her

Girl #1: Man, I ain’t know that that girl was gay.
Girl #2: Say what? All those times when we were laying together in the bed with no clothes on?! Man, that’s not happenin’ no more, lesbo!

–N train

Threeway One‐Liners

Sulky waitress at family restaurant, complaining about management: I could be home right now having a threesome, but Chris won’t let me leave.

–Astoria, Queens

Overheard by: Inkling

35‐year‐old camp Asian man on cell: Yo, girl! (pause) Hell no, I have no idea what shit went down last night. (pause) Oh‐em‐gee! All I know is I woke up with five guys.

–R Train

Overheard by: Abby and Holly

20‐something college boy: I mean, there’s no “I” in “threesome.”

–Union Square

Guy to his friends: Yeah, I haven’t decided what guy I would tag‐team a girl with yet.

–Hairy Monk, 25th & 3rd

African American guy to hipster girl: It was the worst orgy I’ve ever been to. Nothing but kids and clothes everywhere you looked.

–48th St & Broadway

Overheard by: RevLina, The Pain‐Proof Girl

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