Sober girl: Did you know your mother has a penis?
Drunk girl: My mom’s wild!
Sober girl: So did you know?
Drunk girl: It’s great, man, it’s great.
–1 train
Sober girl: Did you know your mother has a penis?
Drunk girl: My mom’s wild!
Sober girl: So did you know?
Drunk girl: It’s great, man, it’s great.
–1 train
Chick: He was not really completely gay.
Guy: What was he, then?
Chick: He was more just completely fabulous.
–10th & Broadway
Overheard by: jennifer
Girl: I’m pathetic enough but not fabulous enough to be a fag hag.
–The Ansonia, 73rd & Broadway
Overheard by: Betty Noir
Girl #1: You shouldn’t feel sorry for yourself. We are single and fabulous, explanation point.
Girl #2: …Don’t you mean “exclamation point”?
–Garden Cafe, Inwood
Guy #1: …I walked in and the warehouse was just full of tiny little boots.
Guy #2: That sounds fabulous.
–Central Park
Guy on cell: Why am I walking around the West Village? Because I was around straight people all day, that’s why.
–Jane Street & 8th Avenue
Girl on cell inside bathroom stall: I’m not Asian…and I never will be!
–Failte, 2nd Avenue between 29th & 30th
Overheard by: GSK
Latina on cell: Man, I’m Spanish and even I don’t understand Spanish reggae.
–Park Slope
Black kid: He don’t know if he’s a fag, man. He’s at that time, you know, your body’s changing.
–Chambers Street station
Twink: Why does every gay bar smell the same?
–Urge, 2nd Avenue
Overheard by: Scott Anderson
Lesbian: Then I had an epiphany: I realized I had a mullet. And I started to cry.
–17th & 6th
Dramasexual: Do you want to come up to my place and “ease on down the road”?
–1/9 train
Queer: Oh my gawd that dawg looks just like my Janet (I named her after Janet Jackson, god bless her). My dawg’s name was Janet, my cat’s name was Janet, Janet Janet Janet! And the cat was a boy, too.
–Union Square dog run
Overheard by: Lisa G.
Guy #1: Hit him in the fucking head.
Guy #2: Fuck him in the head.
Guy #1: Yo, that’s mad homoerotic, son.
–St. Mark’s Ale House, St. Mark’s Place
Overheard by: Eric
Black kid #1: …you mean the gay nigger?
Black kid #2: No, the black-brown nigger.
–outside Boerum Hill Food Company, Smith Street
Drunken friend #1: That guy at the bar was hot. You totally should’ve taken him home.
Drunken friend #2: Why me? Let her (points to drunken friend #3) take him home.
Drunken friend #3 (trying to be discreet): Ummmm excuse me? I don’t need a man. I have d-i-c-k at home.
Drunken friend #2: Uhh, the rest of the train can figure out what you just spelled.
–Crowded 6 Train
Overheard by: ear hustler
Loud chick, on coming out of the closet: I have a lot of gay guy friends, and they all went through the same thing. Well, almost the same — ‘I’m different,’ then, ‘I’m bisexual,’ then, ‘I only like Asian women,’ then, finally, ‘I’m gay!’
Asian classmate: So, we’re the last pit stop before gay, now?
–Maimonides Hospital, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Ace Montana
College girl #1: So you’re saying that if you didn’t meet her at such a vulnerable time in your life, you wouldn’t be a lesbian?
College girl #2: Right.
–LIRR
Overheard by: kdavs
Guy on cell: What does you caring about me have to do with me at some club with "hypothetical" naked chicks?
–42nd & Lexington
Guy yelling across street to girl on phone: Tell her I waited naked on the bed all night but she never came!
–Washington Square
Suit to another: It's so weird because there are so many people at the office who you'd never think to picture naked… Like Marcy: you'd never picture her naked. Alex: you'd never picture him naked. Derek: I've never pictured him naked.
–F Train
Overheard by: EmLo
Guy, to two women: I was like, "You're lying on top of me. We're naked. When does this get fun?"
–Philosophy Building, Columbia University
Overheard by: Ladle
(girl is wearing small, tight, mini-skirt and talking to a group of boys)
Girl: If it was up to me, I wouldn't be wearing any clothes, if it weren't for gravity.
–Sybil's, Liberty Ave, Queens
Overheard by: Terrence
20-something girl to friend: So I chased after him, but I was naked…so how far could I go?
–Brooklyn Promanade
