Sexuality

Black kid: He don’t know if he’s a fag, man. He’s at that time, you know, your body’s changing.

–Chambers Street station

Twink: Why does every gay bar smell the same?
–Urge, 2nd Avenue

Overheard by: Scott Anderson

Lesbian: Then I had an epiphany: I realized I had a mullet. And I started to cry.

–17th & 6th

Dramasexual: Do you want to come up to my place and “ease on down the road”?

–1/9 train

Queer: Oh my gawd that dawg looks just like my Janet (I named her after Janet Jackson, god bless her). My dawg’s name was Janet, my cat’s name was Janet, Janet Janet Janet! And the cat was a boy, too.

–Union Square dog run

Overheard by: Lisa G.

Guy #1: Hit him in the fucking head.
Guy #2: Fuck him in the head.
Guy #1: Yo, that’s mad homoerotic, son.

–St. Mark’s Ale House, St. Mark’s Place

Overheard by: Eric

Black kid #1: …you mean the gay nigger?
Black kid #2: No, the black-brown nigger.

–outside Boerum Hill Food Company, Smith Street

Drunken friend #1: That guy at the bar was hot. You totally should’ve taken him home.
Drunken friend #2: Why me? Let her (points to drunken friend #3) take him home.
Drunken friend #3 (trying to be discreet): Ummmm excuse me? I don’t need a man. I have d-i-c-k at home.
Drunken friend #2: Uhh, the rest of the train can figure out what you just spelled.

–Crowded 6 Train

Overheard by: ear hustler

Loud chick, on coming out of the closet: I have a lot of gay guy friends, and they all went through the same thing. Well, almost the same — ‘I’m different,’ then, ‘I’m bisexual,’ then, ‘I only like Asian women,’ then, finally, ‘I’m gay!’
Asian classmate: So, we’re the last pit stop before gay, now?

–Maimonides Hospital, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Ace Montana

College girl #1: So you’re saying that if you didn’t meet her at such a vulnerable time in your life, you wouldn’t be a lesbian?
College girl #2: Right.

–LIRR

Overheard by: kdavs

Guy on cell: What does you caring about me have to do with me at some club with "hypothetical" naked chicks?

–42nd & Lexington

Guy yelling across street to girl on phone: Tell her I waited naked on the bed all night but she never came!

–Washington Square

Suit to another: It's so weird because there are so many people at the office who you'd never think to picture naked… Like Marcy: you'd never picture her naked. Alex: you'd never picture him naked. Derek: I've never pictured him naked.

–F Train

Overheard by: EmLo

Guy, to two women: I was like, "You're lying on top of me. We're naked. When does this get fun?"

–Philosophy Building, Columbia University

Overheard by: Ladle

(girl is wearing small, tight, mini-skirt and talking to a group of boys)
Girl: If it was up to me, I wouldn't be wearing any clothes, if it weren't for gravity.

–Sybil's, Liberty Ave, Queens

Overheard by: Terrence

20-something girl to friend: So I chased after him, but I was naked…so how far could I go?

–Brooklyn Promanade

Student, about her play: I want the audience to enter through the vagina before they sit down.

–NYU

Guy to younger girl, at intermission of Spring Awakening, right after sex scene: So you had to choose this? We couldn't have gone to see The Little Mermaid?

–Eugene O'Neill Theatre

College student: …exactly how you'd expect a college rendition of The Vagina Monologues to go.

–NYU

Black guy on cell: It doesn't mean I'm gay because I'm going to see a play. (pause) It's for a class… There's nothing wrong with wanting to see a play.

–Union Square

Overheard by: erkala

20-something guy to friend: Picture it; Fishsticks: the musicical!

–63rd St & Broadway

A Feminist Critique Of Wednesday One-Liners

Chick: Was she a gymnast, or a feminist?

–Café, 113th & Amsterdam

Overheard by: Ladle

Anthropology professor: Everyone's a misogynist. Women attend seminars, "seminar" comes from the word "semen," which comes from the Latin for "a unit of knowledge." And this, my friends, is how women get smart.

–Classroom, NYU

Overheard by: thats how I got into NYU

Rambling man: Nobody's gonna be in charge anymore! (pause) Except the ladies.

–Rivington & Forsyth

Hipster girl #1: He’s, like, gayer than gay. But that’s cool.
Hipster girl #2: Yeah.
Hipster girl #1: I mean, we want him to be gay.
Hipster girl #2: Yeah.

–F train

Overheard by: Jenny