Gay Black guy #1: Oh my god, I sooo have jungle fever. Do I look good with him?
Gay Black guy #2: It’s so weird.
Gay Black guy #1: What, we don’t look good together?
Gay Black guy #2: No, yeah, it’s just that, he’s really white and you’re like, extra black, so it’s like really jungle fever.
–D train
Flaming queer: What you whiteboys don’t realize is that the foreskin is not a chew toy. Maybe a little biting is OK, but don’t go down on it like a stick of Trident.
Preppy queer: This is totally going to end up on Overheard if you don’t quiet down.
Flaming queer: I’m Puerto Rican; we’re a loud people. It’s all of the drums.
–Candle Bar, Amsterdam Avenue
Queer on cell: Michael Alig…yeah, I don’t remember those years so well.
–1st & A
Hood on cell: Yo man, that bitch stole two ounces of coke from my house!…She’s your friend, you go get it back!
–outside The Martini Red Lounge, Staten Island
Overheard by: Becka Dash
Guy on pay phone: …and Santa’s reindeer won’t be coming home!
–Brooklyn Heights
Overheard by: Traczie Bellinger
Older queer: …he ran right past his mother and plunged headfirst out the window. Nineteen stories down.
Younger queer: Oh my god! Was he on anything at the time?
Older queer: His mother said he was. But mothers always say that.
–23rd St. & 8th Ave.
Overheard by: djlindee
Bi guy #1: So do you have a lot of threesomes?
Bi guy #2: My girlfriend likes to see me take it up the ass. She’s weird like that.
–Chelsea taxicab
Teen girl #1: How do you know it’s uncomfortable?
Teen girl #2: Just put something in your ass and walk around with it.
Teen girl #1: In your ass?
Teen girl #2: Well, on your ass.
–Forest Hills
Overheard by: Sara R.
Drunk suit: Can I have a gin and tonic?
Irish barman: Only if you have an enema with you, ’cause I’m going to shove it up your arse when I’m done.
–Nancy Whiskey Pub, Lispenard Street
Queer #1: I can’t remember where you put my chapstick last night.
Queer #2: Really? I sure do.
Queer #1: Oh, shoot. I really needed them, my lips are really chapped.
–LaGuardia flight
Overheard by: Greg Rutter
Queer: I heard Matt Lauer is gay.
Fag hag: No, I think he’s married.
Queer: Well, you know Sam Champion is gay, right?
Fag hag: Yeah, he’s open about it.
Queer: He and his lover came to Bloomingdale’s to buy bedding. They used to buy a lot of bedding.
–F train
Ghetto queer: …my favorite author is Patricia Cromwell. Her books are insane! They’re all about murder. It gets so crazy that the FBI even gets involved and shit! She’s my girl.
Ghetto chick: I like urban novels.
Ghetto queer: What’s that?
Ghetto chick: You know, like reality. Stuff about life on the streets.
Ghetto queer: Mmm…I can’t get into that. I got enough reality in my life. But my sister is getting me into this vampire stuff.
–G train
Overheard by: Jim
Pregnant chick: You know when I pop this bitch out it is on. Get me a drink!
–2/3 train
Mother: Come here. You’re seven years old and you can’t fasten your own shoelaces? No more video games for your black ass.
–W. 53rd & 10th
Overheard by: James Shannon
Queer: You know, she sent her children to England, so they’d learn how to pronunciate words correctly.
–Angelo’s, 55th Street
Queer #1: …so essentially if I didn’t get accepted to NYU for law I would have become a magician.
Queer #2: Really?
Queer #1: Yeah. I have the hat and scarves and everything.
–Dojo, Greenwich Village
