Nazis

Hitler Did Kinda Focus on That One Star, Though…

College kid #1: …and the astrologers are having to completely change their predictions because Pluto’s not a planet anymore.
College kid #2: That’s crazy.
Random guy: Don’t make fun of astrology. Hitler took astrology seriously. So did Ronald Reagan. And kings and queens.

–1 train, 116th St

Overheard by: bluekale
Headline by: wiggity

Runners-Up:
· “Actually, The Queens Only Follow the Movements of Uranus” – Johnny B
· “Astrologists Predict Random Man Wearing Jack Boots Will Disembowel 2 College Kids” – dante mcnasty
· “I Thought Ronald Reagan Got Rid of All the Queens” – C.J.
· “Just When I Had Heard That Stupidity Was in Retrograde…” – tm78
· “Nostradumbass Lives On” – kathy
· “Pluto Is Just a Mickey Mouse Planet” – Elliott Sperber
· “Taurus: Keep Your Wits About You, as True Love Is Around the Corner. Also, You Will Invade Poland.” – Jim C.
· “What Did You Think the Star Wars Program Was About?” – Tom Dorey

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Hitler: She’s Right, I Had to Laugh

Chick referring to The Producers: Yeah, it made fun of Hitler, but it was in, like, a positive way.

–St. James Theater, 44th & Broadway

Nothing Makes Me Come Like Some Zyklon, Redux

Queer: Why do you like him? The guy behind us in the black shirt is so much hotter.
Hag: Ew…
Queer: You know I like those big, rough German types…if he put me in a camp, just imagine all the terrible things he would do to me.
Hag: …Would you stop staring at him?
Queer: I so want him to rape me.
Hag: Get over it, he’s not gay!
Queer: Whatever, if we were in prison he’d so be doing me.

–Yankee Stadium

Overheard by: Smack Jack

Guy: This is going to sound awful but Ryan Gosling was really hot in that movie where he played the Nazi with the shaved head.
Girl: Yeah, he was a hot Nazi in that movie. A hotzi, if you will.

–92nd Street Y

Overheard by: Kelly

Funny Story…

Bearded Jewish guy with palm-leaf thingy: Sir, are you Jewish?
Passer-by: Why? Are you a Nazi?

–5th Ave & E 9th St

Overheard by: richardnixon

Wednesday One-Liners Are Too Cool for Shul

Six-year-old girl to middle-aged passenger: Well, I'm Jewish, but my parents are Aries. So I'm not really sure what that makes me.

–Amtrak

Overheard by: half Jewish, half Gemini

Guy: Oh, I know Jewish girls give good head!

–81st & Amsterdam

Awkward Catholic boy: These days there are more Jews in New York than Israel…and they all worship Barbara Walters as their Spider Queen.

–Steps of The Met

(outside the Marionette Theater's showing of Jack and the Beanstalk)
Four-year-old: Fee fi fo fum, I smell the blood of a Jewish man.

–Outside the Marionette Theatre, Central Park

Drunk guy inside German bar, pointing at small guy with a jewfro: Juden!

–German Beer Garden, Williamsburg

Overheard by: POLA

Woman on cell: Well, he wasn't as forthcoming with me as he is with you, probably because I keep telling him to stop dating that fat Asian girl and find himself a nice Jewish girl instead …

–Broadway & Prince

When It's Dry and Ready, with Wednesday One-Liner I Shall Play

Professor: This episode contains a bunch of Jewish stereotypes, so I want to show a lot of it.

–Lincoln Center, Fordham University

Overheard by: Hartley

Boy with chinstrap and McDreamy quaff: Yo man, you tellin' me you never heard the story about when we got chased down by 1,000 Jews?!

–7-Eleven, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Brandi, Anna and a bunch of other people

Stunning black girl with big afro, to nebbishy guy eating Chinese food: I can be Jewish in three months. Does it require any money? No! Fuck you! I can be Jewish in three months!

–back garden at madame x

Overheard by: Erica

Woman walking past Young Frankenstein posters: Oh my god! Mel Brooks is like my favorite old Jew ever!! Well, except for Moses and Abraham.

–Hilton Theater

Overheard by: Roy

Hipster on cell: Your friend just came up to me, grabbed my nose, and asked, "Are you Jewish?"

–Piano's Lounge

Overheard by: Brittany Smith

Mysterious and intense voice amid grunts and groans: Oh yeah! Give it to me, you fucking Jewish dickhead!

–Building, 46th & 10th

Overheard by: Not a Sexual AntiSemite

Would That Be the “Zionist Occupation Government” We Hear So Much About?

Guy #1: God, I hate the Heebs. How can I join Hezbollah?
Guy #2: Shut the fuck up, man! The government probably heard that!

–4 train, 86th St

Overheard by: waiting for a sniper to take him out

I’m in No Position to Find Her Morally Objectionable

Frumpy Asian guy: She’s a Hitler-lover.
Tall Aryan guy: I don’t care about the Hitler-lover thing as long as she’s hot. [High fives are exchanged.]

–Fordham University Rose Hill, Bronx

Besides, We Have No Guarantee Her Super Powers Will Be Used Only for Good

JAP #1: Besides, you can’t fit a pancake in a hole that size.
JAP #2: Well, what if Hillary runs for President?
JAP #1: Yeah, like a Nazi Feminista president can bend the laws of physics.

–53rd & Park Ave

Overheard by: Matt Chancellor

She Seems Slow, But She’s Very Efficient at Making Cars and Killing Jews

Guy: You know, I never noticed she had an accent before.
Girl: Yeah, she’s German.
Guy: Oh…I always thought she was slow.

–SIP, 110th & Amsterdam

Overheard by: Chris Kelly

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