Suit #1: So what did you think of the title I handed in for [Henderson]’s new job?
Suit #2: I was in Albany when you sent that out. I didn’t get a chance to read it.
Suit #1: I was going to write “potentate” but I wasn’t sure that I could spell it!
Suit #3: Well, most Caesars were murdered…
–Burger Heaven, 49th St.
Hipster girl #1: Yeah, so she has her own nail business now. You know, she mixes her own colors and everything.
Hipster girl #2: Yeah, kind of like Satan.
–79th & Broadway
Guy #1: Hey, what did you do this weekend?
Guy #2: Dude, I bought a crock pot.
Guy #1: Awesome.
–80 Hansen Pl, Brookyln
Old Jewish lady: How are you today?
Old Jewish man: If I sold ice cream, I’d be great. If I sold ice cream in Central Park, that would be perfect. But me? I sell chickens in Bedford.
–8th St & Bedford Ave
Young boy to another, whispering: I’m gonna knock you off ,and then I’m gonna steal your M&Ms.
–FAO Schwartz
Overheard by: amused tourist
Cabbie: Something wicked just crossed my mind. One dark night I’m going to come here and steal all the stop signs.
–Roosevelt Island
Overheard by: Suriya
Angry queer suit as a Honda’s car alarm goes off: What the fuck?! What the fuck?! Nobody would ever try to steal that piece of shit!
–72nd & Broadway
Overheard by: C. Gray
Thug: Look, these glasses are f’real! I bought them off a nigga who had just stolen them from the jewelry store!
–125th & Broadway
Hipster chick on cell: Why don’t you just stay at a real hotel where you can steal all the soaps and stuff?
–2nd St, between Bowery & 2nd Ave
Overheard by: Jake
Little boy to little girl while nanny is distracted: I love outdoor shopping, because it’s easier to steal things!
–11th & University
Overheard by: Cooper Cheatham
Guy: Yo, did you hear what Bush wants to do? He wants to get rid of financial aid for college.
Girl: Really?
Guy: Yeah…soon we all gon’ have to be drug dealers. Seeing crackheads will be normal.
–Washington Heights
Overheard by: clari
Date: Tue, 2 Aug 2005 11:51:21 -0700
From: Google AdSense
To: [email protected]
Subject: Google AdSense Account Status
Cc: Google AdSense
Hello Steven,
Thank you for your interest in Google AdSense. After reviewing your application, our program specialists have found that it does not comply with our policies. Therefore, we’re unable to accept you into Google AdSense at this time.
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[Surely they don’t mean “nigga”? –Ed.]Aspiring rapper: Hey guys, 'sup? Would you care to help a struggling rapper by buying my CD for $20?
Guy: Uh… I don't really want your album for $20.
Aspiring rapper: Could you hug me for $10 then?
–Times Square
Suit #1: That was a pretty good meeting…
Suit #2: Yeah, we got a lot done.
Hobo: Was Liam Neeson in it?
–51st & Madison
Overheard by: BDA
Toothless bag lady: I don’t know what it is with this town anymore. I guess no one likes blowjobs. I give great blowjobs! Maybe I’m charging too much.
Cop: What are you charging?
Toothless bag lady: $100.
Cop: That’s pretty steep…
–Times Square
Overheard by: Spiney
