Player: Yo, I ain’t banged a fat bitch in a while.
–Broadway & Astor Place
Big woman: He looks like a bean…he has no ass!
–Kate Spade, Broome St.
Overheard by: wermice
Player: Yo, I ain’t banged a fat bitch in a while.
–Broadway & Astor Place
Big woman: He looks like a bean…he has no ass!
–Kate Spade, Broome St.
Overheard by: wermice
Guy on cell: …so then he just punched me, yeah! Just punched me right in the face. Well I figured I oughta get dressed and leave her room, yeah, he was pissed…No, she’s his only kid.
–Empire State Building
Man: I never met a necrophiliac, but my friend met one at Bellevue.
–La Grolla, UWS
Cashier: Do you want anything on it?
Buyer: What?
Cashier: Do you want anything on your hot dog?
Buyer: Yes.
Cashier: What would you like?
Buyer: Nothing.
–Papaya’s, 86th & 3rd
Drunk girl, to owner of pizza place: Hasta mañana!
Drunk guy: That’s not Italian!
Drunk girl: He’s not Italian, he’s Greek! He speaks Yiddish and Greek!
–30th & 3rd
Guy #1: He’s always dressed in Gucci, Versace, and all that shit.
Guy #2: Nigga, if I was skinny I’d wear nice stuff too.
Guy #1: Yeah, I’m sure it’s your weight that’s keeping you from wearing Gucci.
–Queensboro Plaza station
Overheard by: Preebz
Woman: She brought a bottle of vodka on the plane with her. She was doing shots the whole flight.
–Central Park
Overheard by: sarah
Conductor: The next stop is Cherry Hill, but for the men singing, it was alcohol.
–NJ Transit
Overheard by: Date Rape
Smooth operator: Don’t worry, I thought you were pretty before I got drunk.
–Subway
Party girl: Yeah, so I did like 10 shots and woke up the next day wearing only one shoe and a sombrero.
–51st St & Broadway
Hobo: Ladies and gentlemen, I have spent all my money on alcohol and marijuana and drugs… But now, I have learned my lesson. I want to spend all your money on alcohol and marijuana and drugs… and viagra…
–Union Square, uptown 6 train
Guy: Dude, I can’t get that drunk. I am trying to fuck that girl tonight.
–Outside Columbia dorm
Bimbette: Oh my god, it was a terrorist act! I’m going to the wine bar.
–68th St & York
Hospital coffee shop counter guy: Missed you yesterday.
Hospital clerk: Yeah, you didn’t see me yesterday. I was in the emergency room. Patient
swung at me with a cane. So I threw a metal stapler at her. I got stressed when I threw that stapler, yeah. So I went to the emergency room. We need partitions, man.
–City Hospital, Bronx
Boy, 7: Who’s that guy again?
Mom: Which one?
Boy, 7: Subway.
Mother: Bernard Goetz.
–B48 bus
Girl: Man, I feel like shit.
Guy: Why?
Girl: What if he was seriously hurt?
Guy: Huh?
Girl: I’ve been thinking about breaking up with him, and what if he had died?
Guy: It’d save you the trouble?
–PS 321, Park Slope
