Teens

Shoving Things “There”: No Longer Weird

Bi guy #1: So do you have a lot of threesomes?
Bi guy #2: My girlfriend likes to see me take it up the ass. She’s weird like that.

–Chelsea taxicab

Teen girl #1: How do you know it’s uncomfortable?
Teen girl #2: Just put something in your ass and walk around with it.
Teen girl #1: In your ass?
Teen girl #2: Well, on your ass.

–Forest Hills

Overheard by: Sara R.

Drunk suit: Can I have a gin and tonic?
Irish barman: Only if you have an enema with you, ’cause I’m going to shove it up your arse when I’m done.

–Nancy Whiskey Pub, Lispenard Street

Still Smarter Than That Movie

Teen guy #1: My dad’s gonna get me fucking Yankees tickets this year!Yankees tickets!
Teen guy #2: You said that last year, and it never happened.
Teen guy #1: Uh, Earth to moron, last year was different. I lied to you last year.
Teen guy #1: You are so fucking Zoolander, man.

–1 train

Clearly Not From Stuyvesant

HS boy #1: So you are like Chinese, right?
HS boy #2: No dude, I’m Peruvian.
HS boy #1: Where in China is that?

–4 train

Overheard by: Richard Bird

Wednesday One-liners: Cocks & Trains

Girl: …so I told him to suck his own dick if he thinks he can do it any better.

–G train

Overheard by: Ocera

Little boy: Mommy, mommy, do you have a penis?

–E train

Overheard by: Ting

JHS kid: …so I said, “He’s gonna make you stay after class and he’s gonna pull down your fucking pants and shove his fucking cock up your ass!”

–Times Square shuttle

Overheard by: Lizzy

She Was First Appointed by Mayor HR Pufnstuf

Teenage girl #1: So Judge Judy is a racist.
Teenage girl #2: Isn’t she in charge of all the New York judges, don’t they all report to her?
Teenage girl #3: Nah, I think she’s just in charge of the TV judges.

–2 train

Overheard by: Lisa Marshall

The Short Bus to the Candy Shop

HS girl: Do you listen to 50 Cent? Oh, my god, he is so good!
HS guy: Do you know what they say when you are listening to 50 Cent?
HS girl: What do they say?
HS guy: What are you listening to when you have two quarters next to your ear?
HS girl: Ha, ha…I don’t get it.

–Q46 bus

Overheard by: Ting

Lunchtime! Wednesday One-liners

Guy on cell: My life is a falafel. No, no, wait, it’s a pita. My life is a pita.

–Broadway & Astor Place

Teen boy: When I get home, I’m gonna get me one of them nutrient shake shits.

–M23 bus

Overheard by: Jon Graboff

Woman: I didn’t like the emu there. I’m not going to like it here.

–Eight Mile Creek, Mulberry Street

Overheard by: james uphoff

More Like Man-dog

Teen #1: Damn, kid! Your face mad hairy!
Teen #2: I’m a grown-ass man, dog.

–A train

It’s Not Like We Can Dump Our Trash at Ground Zero…

Teenage girl: What the fuck is Staten Island anyway?
Teenage boy: Seriously. It could float away and no one would give a shit.

–1/9 train

First is Worst / Pennsylvania is Best

Teen girl #1: I’m going to Delaware this weekend. Fucking Delaware!
Teen girl #2: It’s not that bad, Delaware’s cool.
Teen girl #1: No, it’s not. Delaware’s like…a booger in the nose of America, a pimple on the chin of the USA, a snaggletooth in the smile of–
Teen girl #2: OK, we get it. You hate Delaware.

–1 train

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