Teen girl #1: Damn, I’m so glad I went out with you and not your
Teen girl #2: Aw baby, me too.
Teen girl #1: I mean, you have like three times the personality and
ten times the looks.
Teen girl #2: Oh yeah, I know!

–Starbucks, 6th & Waverly

Teen girl, despairingly: If they ever find out a way to bring people back to life, I’m going to kill myself!

–14th St Subway Platform

Overheard by: yoncto

Blonde on cell: Don’t send me stupid things about how you want to stab yourself in the heart. It’s inconsiderate.

–Union Square

Overheard by: Confabulation Nation

Hipster: I’m so stressed out right now; if I was going to NYU, I would’ve jumped out of a building.

–City College

Overheard by: Damn Right!

Guy on cell: You took them with alcohol? [Pause.] Wait, let me get this straight, you took all of them, then you got drunk? Yeah dude, that is just suicide.

–Elevator, Saks Fifth Ave

Old waitress: Were you here the time Jimmy crucified himself?

–Manhattan Restaurant, Greenpoint

Overheard by: chris

Disgruntled Latina to friend: And I told her bitch: "Kill yourself, you don’t even know how to smoke right!"

–4 Train

Middle-aged woman, dressed like a pre-teen: I’m not really sure how it happened but I think I ended up drunk and half-naked on the 5th floor of Macy’s.
Teenage daughter: Really?
Middle-aged woman: Maybe it was the 6th floor. Shoot, and that was gonna be a good story to tell Jeannie.

–Q Train

Overheard by: Nikki

Man running by with dog to teenage girl: Woof!
Teenage girl to friend: He better have been talking to the dog.

–Central Park

Loud teen chick: You know, whenever I saw those really loud, annoying kids on the bus, I never thought I would be one of them!
Loud friend: Yeah! Me neither!

–82nd & Broadway

Overheard by: yoncto

Teen boy #1: Hey mister, does this train go to Manhattan?
Man: I think it’s supposed to, but the N’s messed up right now.
Teen boy #2: Yeah, the N train’s totally gay.
Man: Yeah, and not in the good way.

–Queensboro Plaza station

Overheard by: Duncan Pflaster

Young teen #1: Nah, man! I refuse to compromise my morals and values for some girl!
Young teen #2: C’mon, man, just come with us.
Young teen #1: No! I refuse to walk into a fucking bookstore!

–Outside Strand Bookstore, Union Square

Overheard by: Avid Book Reader

Teen: I think I wanna be a cameraman when I grow up.
Little girl: I wanna be an armadillo when I grow up.
Teen: You can’t be an armadillo when you grow up!
Little girl: Why not?

–40th St & Park

Overheard by: Crysta

Teen girl #1: Well, what’s more important right now? Going to the movies or getting stoned?
Teen girl #2: God, I don’t know…It’s ten dollars either way.

–Columbus Circle station

Overheard by: djlindee

Black teen: So, what you say your name was?
Hispanic teen: Irving.
Black teen: Irving? How you be Puerto Rican and have a name like ‘Irving’? Hi, my name’s Irving… That’s fucked up.
Hispanic teen: Yeah, Puerto Ricans name their kids some crazy shit.

–4 train

Overheard by: Oy-ving

Headline by: not irving

· “Anyway, I Be Seein’ You, LaQuan.” – Mysteron
· “At Least He Can Pronounce His” – Krisztina
· “Because Getting Your Ass Kicked in Elementary School Makes You Stronger” – cda
· “Don’t You Agree, Daquanjalomarterius?” – Karyn
· “Kind Of Like Being Named After the Car You Were Conceived In, Corolla.” – Gunther
· “Yeah, If I Had Your Parents, My Name Would Be Anferny…” – BG

Click here to see the new Headline Contest