Teen boy #1: Change your ringtone! Change it! [Slams table.]Teen boy #2: Don’t you like that song? I love it.
Teen boy #1, to others: His phone rings all day — I’m sick of it. I have to have a new song. He gets that many calls, he should have one song for each girl so I’m entertained!

–Little Italy

Teen boy #1: Yo man, I’m gonna join a gang!
Teen boy #2: Ah, ya? What gang?
Teen boy #1: Aladdin Kings.
Teen boy #3: What the fuck kinda Disney gang is that? Latin Kings, man! Latin Kings! 

–A train

Teenage boy: No, man! She like… can’t get out of bed, because if she stands up, the baby will like fall out.
Teenage girl: What?

–St. Luke’s

Teen boy #1: …so my challenge was to drink a whole glass of hot dog water.
Teen boy #2: Did you do it?
Teen boy #1: It’s just meat water.

–L train

Overheard by: Chris Spooner

Guy: You guys know what herpes are?
Teen boys: Uh…
Guy: Herpes are what you get from whorehouses. They look like…you know pretzel sticks with salt? 

–Brooklyn‐bound D train

Preppy teen boy #1: No, dude. She was in love with horses, remember? She liked screwing them — that’s how she died.
Preppy teen boy #2: No, no. That is not true. It was some accident having to do with horses.
Preppy teen boy #1: Yeah, exactly. She was screwing the horse, and then it fell on her. That’s how she died.
Preppy teen boy #2: Dude, that’s so wrong.

–45th St

Overheard by: wow

Teen girl: I just realized I have a lot of numbers belonging to teachers and parents of my friends on my phone.
Friend: You’re such a loser.
Teen girl: Well, I also have the numbers of a lot of drug dealers and sketchy older guys I’ve had sex with, so I think the two cancel each other out.

–Horace Mann School

Overheard by: jen

There is a Buddha statue on the counter. 

Teen girl #1: Wow, she has weird nipples.
Teen girl #2: I think it’s a guy.
Teen boy: That’s Gandhi. Duh. 

–99 cent store, Hylan Boulevard

Overheard by: Stacey Simon

Teen boy #1: You should be a Pokemon for Halloween.
Teen boy #2: Like Jesus?

–Chambers St.

Overcaffeinated teen with drink: I need to blend this. I wish I had blenders for hands.
Serious friend: Some people would want to be able to fly or read minds… I guess that’s a pretty good super power too.
Overcaffeinated teen with drink: I’d used my blender hands to stir up the air and fly, like helicopter propellers.
Serious friend: Come on, think about the physics of that. If anything, you’d just create two devastating vortices on either side of you and suck everybody in. No flying.
Overcaffeinated teen with drink: If we’re already asking for blender hands, I think a minor change in the laws of physics would be workable.
Serious friend: True. (spins hands like blender‐propellers)

–6 Train

Overheard by: Lynne