Dowager: What we really need to do is to educate these poor people so they don’t have sex. It’s the poor people who keep spreading all the STDs and the AIDS. Do you know any rich people with STDs? I didn’t think so.

–MoMA cafe

Lady #1: I can’t believe she said those things. She was so politically incorrect.
Lady #2: Well what did you expect her to say?
Lady #1: Something humanly correct.

–Shubert Theatre, 44th Street

Girl #1: She’s so lucky. I mean, she works for Oscar de la Renta.
Girl #2: Yeah, and she has a clause in her pre-nup that allows her husband to divorce her if her feet become disgusting. I’m jealous.

–Fashion Ave. elevator

Woman #1: Oh God, I think I’m getting a horrible yeast infection.
Woman #2: Making bagels down there, huh?
Woman #1: Oh no, I’m not Jewish. I’m making Irish Soda Bread.

–Penn Station

Girl #1: I have nothing green to wear on Thursday.
Girl #2: What do you mean, you don’t own any green? You’re Irish! Green is our color! Along with beer.


Overheard by: Christa Bramberger

A record company assistant is flirting with an older music executive. She asks: Do you have a girlfriend?

He responds by holding out his hand with fingers extended to show his wedding band.

Assistant: You have five girlfriends?

–Joe’s Pub

Woman #1: I told my family that if I get old and can’t take care of myself to hire me a…
Woman #2: A male nurse.
Woman #1: … a young, good-looking boy.
Woman #2: A male nurse.
Woman #1: Specifically for the purpose of giving me a sponge bath.
Woman #2: I have a funny story about that.

–Park Plaza Diner, Brooklyn Heights

Overheard by: TG

Guy: Where do you live again?
Girl: Right over there.
Guy: Can I walk you home?
Girl: But it’s right over there…

–Orchard Street

Old guy: I’d like two tickets to Times Square please.
Booth lady: What?
Old guy: Two for Times Square please!

–Whitehall Street station

Yuppie on cell cutting long line, to cashier: I’d like to buy some cookies.
Cashier: Um, the line starts back there, sir.
Yuppie, into cell: I hate the fucking East Side. Everyone thinks they’re hot shit. I can’t figure out this fucking line — all I want to do is buy some fucking cookies… New Jersey is my destiny.

–Bakery, 70th & Lex

Dude: Hey, how are you?
Chick: Good!
Dude: Yeah?
Chick: Yeah… I’ve been banging everyone, though.
Dude: Yeah.

–Stairwell, Columbia University

Overheard by: Ladle

Chick #1: I just stepped on the nicest man.
Chick #2: You stepped on him?
Chick #1: Yeah, he was really nice about it. He must have massive, massive feet.