Talking/Convos

The Secret Comedian Cells Spring Into Action

Woman: It’s a pity about that actress who stabbed someone with her knife. What’s her name? …Um…Reese?
Chick: Witherspoon?
Woman: No! With her knife!

–Central Park

Overheard by: Emilia

Suit #1: I know where we are.
Suit #2: Where?
Suit #1: On the corner!

–9th Street & 1st Avenue

Overheard by: Your Mom

Guy: Excuse me, can I tell you a joke?
Girl: …What?
Guy: Can I tell you a joke?
Girl: …No.
Guy: Are you su–
Girl: Didn’t you fucking hear me, you idiot?

She gets up and starts walking away.

Girl: Jesus Christ, these fucking…

–Central Park

Does Lots of Glowing Ooze Count as Mountains?

Woman: I love to cycle myself. You might not believe it, but I’m very good at it.
Guy: Really.
Woman: Yes. I come from the West, where I used to ride really strenuous courses.
Guy: Really.
Woman: Yes. And you know, if they grew some mountains in New Jersey or something, I could do the same here.

–1 train

Like Twix, It’s Two for Me, None for You

Tourist woman #1: I’d like to speak to a nun.
Receptionist lady: The nuns don’t talk to the public. You can meet with a priest. He’ll be available in an hour. Is anything wrong?
Tourist woman #1: We were going up for communion and the minister asked my friend if she was Catholic.
Receptionist lady: Is she Catholic?
Tourist woman #2: I’m Methodist. We take communion too.

— St. Patrick’s Cathedral Rectory

Overheard by: Traveler Bill

That’s Why It’s the Ironyvator

Dude #1: What’re you even talking about?
Dude #2: The thing with Cheryl.
Dude #1: What’s wrong with you? That was this morning! Get over it, already!
Dude #2: Uh…what’d you think I was talking about?
Dude #1: The asshole who shoved past us on the escalator.
Dude #2: Oh…I didn’t notice.
Dude #1: See? That kind of thing, that’s what Cheryl was talking about. She has a point, you know.

–Penn Station

This Queer Thing Makes More and More Sense

Girl: We should totally start pretending to go out and make out in public, and then everyone will be like, “But I thought Mark was gay?”. And they’ll all be so confused.
Mark: Okay, I’m down, but you’re gonna have to get me like 6 shots of Jagermeister before we start.
Girl: Why do you need to be drunk? I’m pretty!

–116th Street 1 station

Wait Until They Get to “Touch”…and “Taste”

Girl: Look, Rocafella Plaza is right there!
Guy: Where? I don’t see shit.
Girl: I hope you can see if you step in it
Guy: Actually I smell shit right now, do you smell that shit?
Girl: Yeah I do, but I bet you can’t see it.

–49th & 5th

Overheard by: Christine Rinaldi

OMG, It’s Steve Martin!

Charity mugger: Excuse me, do you have a minute to talk about Children International?
Guy: Yeah…right.
Charity mugger: You don’t have to be such a jerk about it.
Guy: Actually I do. You see, that’s sort of my thing.

–Union Square South

Overheard by: stu-ee

Looks Like the Bug-eyed Bronxite is Toast

Howard Dean: …I think Ferrer can win–
Man: Mr. Dean! I would have voted for you, man!
Howard Dean: …Thanks…
Man: I would have voted for you if you remove all the poison in your
body!…I would have voted for you if you loved America! You would have been a great president, but only if you weren’t so poisonous!
Howard Dean: …Thanks…

–20th & Park

Overheard by: Steve Gartland

She’s Like a Golden Retriever That Way

Guidette #1: So I called her and she says, “I gotta get off the phone, I’m naked, wet from the shower” and she started mumbling.
Guidette #2: That’s just like her. She’s always naked with something in her mouth.

–Downtown Brooklyn

Overheard by: Koaloha

What, Objectifying is for Presidents Only? How 90s!

Suit #1: …so I went to her house and she was still begging and I kept saying “no”, and then she–

He makes a handjob gesture.

Suit #1: –and then I went home.
Suit #2: Have you seen [Laura], the new chick in the office?
Suit #3: I probably shouldn’t be saying this since I’m Vice President, but she’s got a great figure on her.

–S train

Overheard by: Michelle

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