Guy #1: I don’t think people get my humor. I don’t think they get the dry thing, but it’s also very toilet.
Guy #2: Okay, so basically, you have dry toilet humor.
Guy #1: Yes, there’s no water in that toilet.
Guy #2: So it’s more like a trough.
–BondSt, Bond Street
Girl #1: …was supposed to be there. You know, from The Golden Girls.
Girl #2: Oh yeah, what happened?
Girl #1: Didn’t show, I hear she’s a real bitch.
Girl #2: Isn’t she like really old now?
Girl #1: She was really old like 25 years ago.
–11th Street & 2nd Avenue
Overheard by: Eric
Black guy: Yo, can I get a dollar for a hot dog?
White guy: Sorry. This is my last fiver.
White woman: Here ya go.
Black guy: That’ll do.
White woman: You could at least say thank you.
Black guy: I did. I was speaking ebonics.
–Gray’s Papaya, 8th Avenue
Overheard by: CRE
Dude: Does the Parks Commission feed squirrels and pigeons?
Parks guy: No.
Dude: Why not?
Parks guy: Listen, I saw a pigeon drinking a Heineken the other day. I got no respect for pigeons.
–Madison Square Park
Queer #1: That guy is hot.
Queer #2: Did you notice he was only drinking water?
Queer #1: Yeah, that’s definitely a turnoff.
Queer #2: Well, maybe he’s taking drugs.
Queer #1: I hope so, I hate clean and sober.
–Phoenix, E. 13th Street
Shoshana Bean: We keep messing up. God hates us!
Scott Alan: God hates us both. That’s awesome!
–The Duplex, Christopher Street
Overheard by: Thompson Patton
Boy, 6: It was magic.
Mom: No, it wasn’t magic; it was a miracle. There is a difference.
–Broadway & Dey
Guy #1: …So I say to him, “For the last time, give me back my robocock!”, ya know? He still has my robocock.
Guy #2: How long has he had it?
Guy #1: See, that’s not the point. He’s a bastard in retro clothing.
–7th & Bleecker
Overheard by: Deadboy
I’m in a bus stuck in traffic. I look out the window down at this woman driving alone in her car. She’s talking on her cell phone. After watching her continue to talk for 15 seconds or so, I see her suddenly put the cell between her ear and shoulder, release the steering wheel and use both hands to give the “in quotes” gesture. I’m sure this helped alleviate any possible misinterpretation of what she was saying to the person on the other end of the phone.
–Lincoln Tunnel
Girl on cell: So, did you get a lap dance?…Oh my God, a whole group of women just turned around and stared at me.
The group of women turn around again.
Girl on cell: No, he did not get a lap dance!
–45th between 8th & 9th
