Charity mugger: Excuse me, do you have a minute to talk about Children International?
Guy: Yeah…right.
Charity mugger: You don’t have to be such a jerk about it.
Guy: Actually I do. You see, that’s sort of my thing.
–Union Square South
Overheard by: stu-ee
Guy #1: Me and Dave tried to shoplift some porn last night.
Guy #2: What do you mean “tried?”
Guy #1: The alarm went off, but we didn’t get caught. 24 hours of teens for $15. I had a twenty but it was in my pocket instead of my wallet, otherwise I woulda just paid for it
Guy #2: I bet if you watched that for 24 hours you’d look like when E.T.’s sick in the river.
–34th & 9th
Overheard by: dubbel cheese
Woman: Excuse me, I left my passport in the ladies’ room.
Stewardess guy: I’m sorry, madam, you’ll have to wait until we make our way down the aisle.
Woman: But I need to get my passport.
Stewardess guy: I understand that, but we cannot move this cart back far enough. We should be through in a few minutes.
Woman: But it’s in the bathroom! What if someone takes it?
Stewardess guy: If it’s not in the bathroom when you get there, let one of us know and we’ll make an announcement.
Woman: No, I can’t wait for that to happen, I have to go and get my passport now.
Stewardess guy: I understand, but as I’ve explained to you before, you must wait. Please return to your seat.
Woman: Oh, you’re very nice. You know, in the United States, people don’t behave like that.
Stewardess guy: In the Netherlands people don’t dress like that.
–KLM flight to JFK
Crazy lady: They schtole my teef, too!
Hipster guy: Really? How did they get in there to take them?
–L train
Overheard by: emdashes
Black guy #1: Ya know the only way to get a girl these days is to have a hot car.
Black guy #2: Yeah.
Black guy #1: I could get the keys, but not the car.
–N train
Homeboy: I don’t discriminate. If anyone messes with my family, or my kids, I’m taking their life.
–Bx21 bus
Overheard by: Fiona
Chick on cell: I don’t know…I think I’m in Queens. The train’s above ground…I lost my keys and I have to be at work in 45 minutes. I’ll guess I’ll go in the same clothes…I don’t know what he does. I think something at night, though. I took his money.
–7 train
Girl on cell: That’s very nice to diagnose yourself like that but, really, fuck you…I still think you’re, like, a sociopath or something.
–6th Ave. between 50th & 51st
Hipster guy: Have you ever been arrested?
Hipster girl: Yeah, when I was sixteen my friend and I got arrested for shoplifting. It really wasn’t that bad. The cops were super cool and we were all joking around and shit and our mugshots were actually pretty cute.
–HopScotch Cafe
Woman #1: I am coming perilously close to dehydration.
Woman #2: Okay. Let's go to Duane Reade.
Woman #1: Okay, but can you buy me a bottle of water? I have no money.
Woman #2: You're walking around with no money? What are going to do if you get robbed?
Woman #1: Give them my credit cards–everyone takes credit.
–Union Square Park
Young boy to another, whispering: I’m gonna knock you off ,and then I’m gonna steal your M&Ms.
–FAO Schwartz
Overheard by: amused tourist
Cabbie: Something wicked just crossed my mind. One dark night I’m going to come here and steal all the stop signs.
–Roosevelt Island
Overheard by: Suriya
Angry queer suit as a Honda’s car alarm goes off: What the fuck?! What the fuck?! Nobody would ever try to steal that piece of shit!
–72nd & Broadway
Overheard by: C. Gray
Thug: Look, these glasses are f’real! I bought them off a nigga who had just stolen them from the jewelry store!
–125th & Broadway
Hipster chick on cell: Why don’t you just stay at a real hotel where you can steal all the soaps and stuff?
–2nd St, between Bowery & 2nd Ave
Overheard by: Jake
Little boy to little girl while nanny is distracted: I love outdoor shopping, because it’s easier to steal things!
–11th & University
Overheard by: Cooper Cheatham
One-armed cracked-out dude to equally cracked-out girlfriend: And he's lookin' at me like he ain't never seen nobody stealin' before!
–Maria Hernandez Park, Bushwick
Overheard by: matthias
Drunk man to random girl on street: I mean, I stole this girls' shoelaces, and then she got really mad at me…
–2nd Ave & 4th St
Comedy show peddler: Who wants to buy some stolen shit? (pause) Nah, just kidding, who wants to see a comedy show?
–Times Square
Overheard by: Ali
Woman with pink hair to friend: Fuck that bitch, she still stole my clothes when I was in jail.
–6 Train
Overheard by: Renny
Man to woman, about his father: Yeah, he was so great, so smart… A drug addict. He was always there for me. Like, if I needed something, anything, he'd go steal it for me. That's what sticks with you, you know?
–1 Train
Overheard by: RDM
