Guy: I was thinking of changing my screen name to “Breast Milk Flavored LSD.”
Girl: Why?
Guy: Because it’s funny.
Girl: Do you even know what LSD tastes like? I mean, it could already
taste like breast milk and then your whole screen name would be redundant.
–106th & Riverside
Overheard by: Betty Noir
Guy: You can never underestimate the importance of cuticles.
Girl: Yeah, you can.
–108th & Amsterdam
Drunk girl: Is that the line for the bathroom?
Sober guy: No, that’s people who like looking at the bathrooms.
–Harry’s, Long Island City
Overheard by: Trix
Pretty boy: Man, I think I’m getting a migraine.
Southern chick: Guys don’t get migraines, they get cluster headaches.
Pretty boy: Go the fuck back to the prairie, Doctor Quinn, Medicine Woman.
–Delancey & Orchard
Overheard by: dj wantwo
Guy #1: I just don’t like the taste of water.
Guy #2: Who doesn’t like water?
Guy #1: Me.
–Palladium, 14th Street
Overheard by: Brian
Chick: So it’s like drinking your own sweat?
Guy: Well, it has salt in it.
–125th & Broadway
Dude: Does the Parks Commission feed squirrels and pigeons?
Parks guy: No.
Dude: Why not?
Parks guy: Listen, I saw a pigeon drinking a Heineken the other day. I got no respect for pigeons.
–Madison Square Park
Peddler #1: Ice cold water! Cold water for a hot lady!…Damn girl, a look like that?
Peddler #2: Girl like that don’t need no ice.
–Canal & Broadway
Barista: “Love is not love which alters when it alteration finds.”
Guy: Excuse me?
Barista: I was reading the tea bag tag.
Guy: You read a lot of tea bags?
Barista: Sometimes they have something important to say.
–51st St. deli
Tourist: A small Coke, please.
Pizza guy: Coke is illegal. You’ll go to jail. How ’bout a Pepsi?
–Port Authority
Overheard by: Animal
Woman #1: I am coming perilously close to dehydration.
Woman #2: Okay. Let's go to Duane Reade.
Woman #1: Okay, but can you buy me a bottle of water? I have no money.
Woman #2: You're walking around with no money? What are going to do if you get robbed?
Woman #1: Give them my credit cards–everyone takes credit.
–Union Square Park
Girl #1: …Okay I got one.
Girl #2: Okay. Ha, ha, ha, ha.
Girl #1: New Orleans sure is a disaster; send them Fanta faster faster!
–52nd & 6th
Overheard by: J-Mo
Girl #1: I'm sorry! They're closed!
Girl #2, crying: I don't care! There's no way I'm going in that room without some Kool-Aid!
–Outside Gristedes, 170th & Broadway
Overheard by: Cheezy Kreezy
