Man: Excuse me, waitress!
Barista: I’m not a waitress.
Man: Kidding… What’s your name?
Barista: Alyenne.
Man: Do you spell that like “Alien”?

Barista glares.

Man: Kidding…

–168th & Broadway

Chick: So, you’re working here now?
Barista guy: Well, had they taught me karate from a young age like they were supposed to I would be fighting shoguns in Japan right now. 

–Park Slope coffee shop

Overheard by: kendell chambers

Barista: Next customer, can I get you something started at the bar?
French woman: Double scotch, please.

–Starbucks, Washington Square

Overheard by: Collin

Barista girl: Ohmigod, I love your shoes! I want them.
Register girl: Thanks.
Barista girl: I love them! Awww.
Register girl, embarrassed: Thanks, haha.
Barista girl: I love them, but I can never get them… Because I can’t wear black with brown.
Register girl, borderline offended: Why not?
Barista girl: It gives me anxiety, that’s why.


Sulky waitress at family restaurant, complaining about management: I could be home right now having a threesome, but Chris won’t let me leave.

–Astoria, Queens

Overheard by: Inkling

35‐year‐old camp Asian man on cell: Yo, girl! (pause) Hell no, I have no idea what shit went down last night. (pause) Oh‐em‐gee! All I know is I woke up with five guys.

–R Train

Overheard by: Abby and Holly

20‐something college boy: I mean, there’s no “I” in “threesome.”

–Union Square

Guy to his friends: Yeah, I haven’t decided what guy I would tag‐team a girl with yet.

–Hairy Monk, 25th & 3rd

African American guy to hipster girl: It was the worst orgy I’ve ever been to. Nothing but kids and clothes everywhere you looked.

–48th St & Broadway

Overheard by: RevLina, The Pain‐Proof Girl

College girl: What’s the Irish bacon?
Waiter: It’s like Canadian bacon.

–Lyric Diner

Barista: So, Sutton Foster was in here the other day.
Friend: Yeah? I don’t really like her…
Barista: What are you, nuts?! She’s great! Oh! A few days ago, like, the whole cast of Spring Awakening came in.
Friend: Oh. Yeah, I didn’t like that show.
Barista, yelling: Honestly, what are you even doing here?! Do you want to be on Broadway? Is this the life you want? Christ, you would think I was talking to a monkey from Indiana.
Friend: Um, sorry?
Barista: Whatever. Forget it. You’re a waste of talent… Want some free sticky bread?

–Starbucks, 47th & 8th

Customer: Hey, you lost a lot of weight.
Barista: No, I gave birth two weeks ago.
Customer: To a baby?


Overheard by: mjw51

Woman: Um, excuse me but there’s no sugar at either station.
Barista girl: There’s no sugar. We ran out.
Woman: None?
Barista girl: No, they ain’t got any on 42nd either.

–Starbucks, 43rd & 8th

Cocktail waitress #1: Wait… isn’t he gay?
Cocktail waitress #2: No, he’s married.
Cocktail waitress #1: Oh, I guess I was mistaking his Jewishness for gayness.

–Thom Bar