20‐something: Can I get an eggnog steamer cut with skim? Is that possible?
Barista: Ma’am, anything’s possible. Next!
–Starbucks, Times Square
20‐something: Can I get an eggnog steamer cut with skim? Is that possible?
Barista: Ma’am, anything’s possible. Next!
–Starbucks, Times Square
20‐something woman: Do you have decaffeinated tea?
Waitress: Yes.
20‐something woman: Does it have caffeine in it?
Waitress: No?
–86th & York
Overheard by: Silently Amused
Foreigner: Excusa me, sir, I get the milk, yes?
Barista #1 holding steamed milk: No. You ordered a Doppio. You don’t get no milk in a Doppio.
Foreigner, holding drink out to Barista #1: But the milk?
Barista #1, cradling milk: No! You don’t get no fuckin’ milk! Order a fuckin’ latte, and then I’ll give you some of this milk! You can pour yourself some of that stale shit from over there, but you don’t get none of this milk!
Barista #2 grabs cup and pours the customer some milk.
Barista #2 to Barista #1: Shit, this ain’t Valentine’s Day — don’t you get emotional. It’s some other holiday. Hell, it’s Christmas. [To customer] Here you go, sir! Merry Christmas!
–Starbucks, St. Marks & 3rd Ave
Woman #1, pointing to smallest cup: So, what size is this?
Barista: That’s a small.
Woman #1: And what size is this?
Barista: That’s a medium.
Woman #1: And so what size is this?
Barista: That’s a large.
Woman #2: Wow, this has been the most fascinating exchange I’ve heard in quite some time.
–9th St Espresso, East Village
Overheard by: Shankalicious
Yuppie male at counter, taking a sip of his orange juice, sighing: Let me guess. This isn’t freshly squeezed.
Barista: Nope!
–Amy’s Bread
Hipster waitress to another: Camel toe is like, really hot, but also really uncomfortable.
–Williamsburg
College guy to friend: Dude, I’d definitely date a dude who looked like a hot chick… It’s not gay.
–Hunter College
Overheard by: Stephen
Professor: Welcome to CUNY, it’s like menopause. It’s either too hot or too cold.
–City University of New York
Latino girl on cell: Bitch, please. I’m gonna look mad hot tonight. I’ma comb my hair!
–American Apparel
Male professor: I don’t care how hot Brad Pitt is… If he sits on my lap, nothing’s going to happen!
–New York Institute of Technology
Overheard by: Not Brad Pitt
Barista girl: Here’s your cappuccino.
Customer girl: I asked for a cafe au lait.
Barista girl: No, you said ‘cappuccino.‘
Costumer girl: No, I said ‘cafe au lait’
Barista girl: Oh, You’re right. I’m probably just out of it.
Barista girl to coworker: I’m sorry, I’m high.
–Stanton & Ludlow
Overheard by: Aryn
Guy: I love you, you know that?
Girlfriend: Fuck you. I know you fucked my sister. It’s over.
Guy: But I love you!
(girl slaps him and walks away)
Guy, to barista: I probably deserved that.
Barista: Fuck you.
–Gorilla Coffee, Park Slope
Loud Indian woman: Noodles are coming, right?
Waiter: You didn’t order noodles.
Loud Indian woman: Oh.
Waiter: Do you want noodles?
Loud Indian woman: No.
–Indonesian Restaurant
Overheard by: Miss Carrie
Suit on cell: Never make any decisions after drinking two pitchers of beer. After the first one, I was like “okay, this is what I’m doing.” But after the second one, I ended up as director of the D.C. United Way. At first, I wasn’t too worried, because I figured they’d give me a drug test, and I knew I wouldn’t pass.
–6 Train
Hopeful‐looking guy to concerned‐looking guy: Basically, you’re not ready to be an alcoholic, so you should stay away from alcohol.
–Polk St
Girl to guy friend: She’s a great drunk. She’s probably one of the best people to hang out with when she’s drunk.
–Pratt Institute
Overheard by: T
Hawker: It’s happy hour! Come on up, and I’ll watch your kids while you get drunk.
–Planet Hollywood
Girl, during lunch: I’m not drunk anymore!
–W 4th & University Place
