Family ties

Girl #1: So, I told my dad to carry my futon up the stairs. There was no way I was going to!
Girl #2: Didn’t he just have major back surgery?
Girl #1: Yeah, but I didn’t want to strain myself. I’m, like, tiny. Plus, I had to make my room look good.

http://www.overheardinminneapolis.com/2007/04/oh_well_then_thats_ok.html

Overheard by: I just lost my appetite

New bride: Should I get this bag for my mother-in-law?
Friend: Will it make her love you?
New bride: No… Fuck that bitch.

Saratoga Springs, New York

Overheard by: louise

Stoned guy: Don’t beat me up! I don’t want to be bruised tomorrow when my mom sees me naked!

http://www.overheardatmcgill.com/archives/2007/07/21/that-might-sound-weird-but-she-only-bathes-me/

Mom: You wanna sleep in the bed with dad?
13-year-old boy: Why the hell would I do that? I’m 5’6″! That’s gay!

Baldwin Park, Florida

Overheard by: hmm… point taken.

Child: Mommy, mommy, my hand smells like butt!
Mother: Why does your hand smell like butt, honey?
Child: I put my hand in my butt.

Department Store
Davis, California

Overheard by: Arlene

Very well-behaved boy: Mom, I have been so good lately, can I please get a toy?
Very patient mom: Do you have any money?
Very well-behaved boy: Um… no, but you do. I looked in your wallet this morning.
Very patient mom: That's snooping!
Very well-behaved boy: Well, daddy does it all the time!

Salem, New Hampshire

Overheard by: Jenna

Angry guy, loudly: My sister is not a fetish model!

Greenport Harbor Brewery
Long Island, New York

Overheard by: Ladle

Chick: So like three weeks ago, after I gave birth, we went to this club…

Cambridge, Massachusetts

Girl to friends, emphatically: No, we have nipples so that we can milk our children!

Newton, Massachusetts

Man with Mohawk on cell: Okay, so I'm not technically the father but there are 27 baby boa constrictors over here that all have Mohawks.

Chicago, Illinois

Overheard by: cgt