Some Half‐Baked Wednesday One‐Liners

Woman on cell: I have to get home so I can put away the b‑o‐n‑g.

–19^th & Broadway

Overheard by: Kyle

Man in light green suit with orange‐red gators: Read the bible tonight. Don’t smoke that Scooby Doobie Doo. Don’t get high tonight!

–125^th & Lenox

Overheard by: Plausible

Young hipster: So I said, “Mom, did you smoke with me?”

–Central Park Reservoir

Angry girlfriend to boyfriend: Okay, so you don’t want me smoking pot, you don’t want me smoking cigarettes or cloves, you don’t want me chewing gum and now you don’t like lollipops? So tell me, Peter, what can I put in my mouth that’s okay with you?

–L Train

Overheard by: It’s me, bitches.

Teacher: Steve*, I need to talk to your pot dealer, because the stuff you’re smoking is really good.

–Cooper Union

Overheard by: me too

Guy talking on blue tooth: I should be there in about 45 minutes. (pause) Yeah, I’m serious! (pause) Look. I got an idea for ya. Why don’t you go roll a big fat blunt, smoke it until you can’t see anymore and then I’ll be there. Alright? Bye.

–8^th Ave & 27^th St

Overheard by: Erica Friedman

Girl: I mean honestly, who at NYU doesn’t smell like weed?

–Washington Square Park

Posted on May 12, 2023
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Body Parts, Boyfriends, Central Park, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Christianity, College, Family Ties, Food, Girlfriends, Girls, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Hipsters, Home, Sweet Home, Men, On Cell, On the Subway, Parks, Questions, School and studying, Sensory Experiences, Smoking, Street, Suits, Teachers/Professors, Time, Washington Square Park, Wednesday One-Liners, Weed, Weirdness, Women

Wednesday Hearts One‐Liners

White trash woman to angry boyfriend: Stop! I’m in my car and I love myself! I love myself! Fuck you if you don’t love yourself! Tyra says to love yourself, and I love myself!

–49^th & 11^th

Conductor: Passengers, as you all know the New Haven line is known as the Love Line, because of our red colors and red schedules. For Valentine’s Day why not buy a loved one a ticket? Nothing says “I love you” like a Metro North ticket! Imagine the look on your mother‐in‐law’s face when she opens up her present to find a one way trip to Manhattan!

–Metro North Train

Sorority girl: And this is a list of all the girls who love Jell‑o.

–St. John’s University

Overheard by: Peter G

Guy on Bluetooth: What did I say? I said I love you and you didn’t fucking say anything back. What the fuck am I supposed to do with that?

–Jackson Heights

Excited black guy to friend: Damn! I think I’m in love, she’s like the whole package! She’s pretty, she’s fuckable, and she can cook!

–A Train

Overheard by: Tim

Little boy leaving the church: Bye, Jesus! I love you!

–Riverside Church

Overheard by: Stephanie

Posted on April 14, 2023
All Wednesday One-Liners, Always Bringing it Back to You!, Beauty, Black People, Boyfriends, Brooklyn, Cars and Driving, College, Colors, Conductors, Food, Friends, Gifts, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Insults, Jesus, Kids, Love, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On the Subway, One-liners, Passengers, Psychology, Public Transportation, Questions, Sorority Girls, Trains Not Subway, Wednesday One-Liners, White Trash

I’m Just Seeing How Many Times I Can Say “Pussylips” in One Day

Roommate #1: Y’all need to cover up ’cause I can see your pussylips and that’s just not appropriate.
Roommate #2: Really?
Roommate #1: No.

–Pratt Institute

Posted on March 15, 2023
Advice, College, Etiquette, Sorority Girls, Vagina, Yeaaahhh College!

Wednesday One‐liners Are All About Location

Mom: Don’t think of it as losing a friend…but as gaining a holiday destination.

–A train

Overheard by: Clacky

Posted on March 14, 2023
College, Columbia (& Barnard), History & Geography, Manhattan, One-liners, Parents, Sex, The Village, Union Square and East Village

She Knows What “Wishful Thinking” Means

Girl #1: I despise books about political science.
Girl #2: I just despise books.
Girl #1: You know, if I paid attention in class, I would know what, like, half these words meant.

–Shakespeare & Co., 69^th & Lexington

Posted on February 27, 2023
Arts & Letters, Books & Writing, College, Manhattan, Politics, Stupidity, Upper East Side

They Ignored the Constitution on That One

Guy #1: Yo, what’s the Louisiana Purchase?
Guy #2: You mad dumb, yo. That’s when they illegally sold all that alcohol.

–St. Francis College, Brooklyn Heights

Overheard by: Cypher

Posted on February 25, 2023
Brooklyn, College, History & Geography, Stupidity, Thugs

We Prefer to Think of Wednesday One‐Liners as “Found Art”

Girl on cell: So I bought this air conditioner for my living room, and it’s entirely too large for me to install by myself, because it weighs 78 lbs. No, seriously, I cannot even get it out of the box. I know – for the time being I’m just referring to it as a Duchamp “readymade.” Ew! Don’t you call me bohemian!

–19^th & 6^th

Art professor: You should look at Picasso and Matisse. These people will be more important to you than your family. Cousin Philly. I had a cousin Philly, and I loved him very much. But he’s dead now.

–Pratt Institute

Overheard by: traPt

Lawyer to friend, about Vincent van Gogh: You know, I could have gotten him disability.

–Van Gogh Exhibit, MoMA

Woman, discussing gallery: It was all modern stuff – but not, like, the kind of modern art that children can do.

–20^th & 5^th

Tourist boy: You can see his penis! It’s not art if you can see his penis!

–Petrie Court, Metropolitan Museum of Art

Posted on February 10, 2023
All Wednesday One-Liners, Boys, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, College, Compare/Contrast, Death, Family Ties, Friends, Girls, Handicaps, Height, Home, Sweet Home, Kids, Lawyers, MoMA, On Cell, One-liners, Penis, Shopping, Stupidity, Teachers/Professors, The Met, Tourists, Visual Art, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Not Even the Women’s Studies Professor Is Safe From Gina and Ashley’s Critique

Student #1: I don’t know why that bitch has such a big ego, she’s fucking ugly.
Student #2: Yeah, I know, but she thinks she’s Paris Hilton or some shit.
Student #1: She’s probably getting fucked by some loser.

–St. John’s University

Overheard by: kapnasty

Headline by: Leema

Runners‐Up:
· “…And Taping It to Launch Her “Career”” — LOLa
· “And I’m Taping It” — Victor
· “Hey, Don’t Call My Dad a Loser!” — PeterG
· “How Guys Interpret the Twilight Books” — john
· “Just Another Day Behind the Scenes Of “The View”” — Yobojo
· “Throw in a Chihuahua and a Coke Habit…” — someday, I could be that loser

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Posted on December 9, 2022
About Celebrities, Beauty, College, Headline Contest Winners, Insults, Physical appearance, Sex, Students

Hugs, Not Wednesday One‐Liners

20‐something to friend: If I didn’t do so many drugs, I could probably afford to go skiing and shit like that.

–Williamsburg

Art school student: If I can stop doing heroin, I can do anything!

–Outside School of Visual Arts

Tourist guy to tourist friends: Yeah, I remember when he went to school on shrooms, and then he went to the principal and told him that he was on shrooms.

–40^th St & Madison Ave

Overheard by: Bones Jones

Father to daughter: Don’t say “no” to drugs. Say “no, thank you.”

–45^th St & 5^th Ave

Blonde Catholic schoolgirl: Maybe after we pop the E we’ll roll over to 149^th Street.

–Q88 Bus

Posted on November 20, 2022
College, Dads, Druggies, Drugs, Friends, Girls, Heroin, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On the Bus, One-liners, Parents, School and studying, Sensory Experiences, Sports, Students, Stupidity, Tourists, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Williamsburg