Woman: Karen’s gone. She resigned. She’s going to California to be with some boy.
Man: Wow, that’s scary.
Woman: Yeah. Especially since when I first met her she was a lesbian.
–Wagner College, Staten Island
Woman: Karen’s gone. She resigned. She’s going to California to be with some boy.
Man: Wow, that’s scary.
Woman: Yeah. Especially since when I first met her she was a lesbian.
–Wagner College, Staten Island
SAT prepping kid #1: What’s hydrolysis?
SAT prepping kid #2: Dude, don’t you play Grand Theft Auto? Hydrolysis is what makes the cars bump up and down.
SAT prepping kid #3: Um…Hydrolysis is the splitting of things in water.
SAT prepping kid #2: Whatever. Same thing.
–2 train near Borough Hall
Overheard by: Everclear
Headline by: Dave Schavone
Runners-Up:
· “Rollin’ in His H20” – JP
· “Another Roads Scholar” – Emily
· “It’s San Andreas’s Fault” – boods
Honorable mentions:
· “Only Aquaman Knows For Sure” – Sara Swank
· “Putting the “Dense” in Reverse Condensation” – Elan
· “The Sad Part Is, They All Got Into Brown” – Betsy
· “They Had Their Ups and Downs, then Splitsville” – Steven Foster
· “He Learns By Osmosis” – melissa coubrough
Blonde: Yo, is vodka kosher?
Jewish girl: Yes.
Blonde: Okay, good, now we can go out to dinner together.
–FIT
Overheard by: Rina
Girl #1: You gotta figure out what you’re gonna study in college. you oughta check out this holistic college, ya know, for holistic medicine?
Girl #2: Yeah, like holistic medicine?
Girl #1: It’s a two-year program to get certified and it’s all hippies who are all potted up so you don’t have to do anything.
Girl #2: You mean, like “sit on this crystal and write a paper about it.”
Girl #1: Ha ha! Yeah, so then you’re certified. You oughta do that.
Girl #2: Maybe I’ll be a pilot.
–N train
Chipper student: She’s a druggie, so she had all sorts of drug memorabilia.
Professor: You mean paraphernalia?
Chipper student: Yeah.
–Pace University
Overheard by: pays too much money for college
College-Bound kid: So I can come home every weekend in October, to work on the haunted house.
Mom: No. You can’t. You have to stay at school for the bonding. You don’t want to miss that first-few-weeks bonding that goes on.
College-Bound kid: I told Ray I’d help with the haunted house. I want to do make-up.
Mom: You can’t! College costs money! Your food costs money! It costs money to come home on the train!
College-Bound kid: Wait–the train costs money?
Mom: Both ways.
–Rockefeller Center
Overheard by: Been There
Guido #1: She was givin’ me lip, so I returned the favor by pissing on her face.
Guido #2: For real dog, that’s what you gotta do.
Guido #1: I had to go anyways, so it was really two birds and a stone.
–Fordham University, Rose Hill
Overheard by: Scotty H
Professor: Most democracies usually don’t go to war with other democracies.
Student: Then all countries should become democracies, right?
–Political Philosophy class, Baruch College
Overheard by: Beerinder
Girl: How do you like NYU so far?
Guy: I like it a lot.
Girl: So, are you at least bi-curious yet?
–8th & Broadway
Overheard by: Kelvin M Loh
Guy: Hey, I haven’t seen you in, like, two years.
Girl #1: Yeah, not since that time we made out at Cristina’s party…then you went to Paris.
Guy: …I’m gay now.
Girl #1: Oh.
Girl #2: NYU boys should really come with warning labels.
–Waverly Building elevator, Waverly Place
Hispanic boy #1, taking picture of two others: Yo, stand still. Try not to laugh! Think of dead puppies or dead babies or somethin’.
Hispanic boy #2: But that will make me laugh!
–Lehman College cafeteria
Overheard by: Angelica Cayne
