Girl: …so I told him to suck his own dick if he thinks he can do it any better.
–G train
Overheard by: Ocera
Little boy: Mommy, mommy, do you have a penis?
–E train
Overheard by: Ting
JHS kid: …so I said, “He’s gonna make you stay after class and he’s gonna pull down your fucking pants and shove his fucking cock up your ass!”
–Times Square shuttle
Overheard by: Lizzy
Chick #1: You know what the best orgasm I ever had was? I jerked off with my mom’s jewelry in frount of the mirror. I liked watching it go in and out and thinking that she was going to be wearing it later.
Chicl #2: Oh god! Did you wash it after?
–Bally’s, Bensonhurst
Overheard by: Deborah Olin
Old woman: Did you see this play?
Old man: Yes.
Old woman: Well, do you know who the father of the baby is?
Old man: Well, I know it wasn’t me.
–59th & Park
Mom: Why don’t we take the baby to go pumpkin picking this week?
Dad: No.
Mom: Why not?
Dad: Because it’s too dangerous.
–Annadale, Staten Island
Overheard by: flappers
Construction worker: …it was like, the biggest skull ever found or
some shit.
–44th & Madison
Teenage girl: I failed the math test so I told Ma I ain’t gonna graduate in June. I ain’t gotta do anything but stay black and die.
–6 train
Guy on cell: …so then he just punched me, yeah! Just punched me right in the face. Well I figured I oughta get dressed and leave her room, yeah, he was pissed…No, she’s his only kid.
–Empire State Building
Gen X Girl on cell: …yeah, totally. It’s like, last night, I had sex with this guy and the condom broke. And like I’m ovulating. And I like totally can’t remember this guy’s name. Whatever.
–M31 bus
Son: I’m really glad you’re drinking again, you know…just not so much.
–Mon Petit Cafe, UES
Young girl: We can share!
Father: We’ll have to throw away the choking hazard pieces.
Young girl: These? I wanna keep the choking hazard!
–Rite-Aid, Hudson & West 10th
20-something woman on cell: Did I tell you mom got into a fight with a raccoon again? (pause) Yeah, I know, our mom is totally going to die of rabies.
–Starbucks, West Village
Overheard by: Vaccinated for rabies
Guy to another: Flap your wings baby, just flap your wings!
–Broadway
Woman, shouting at no one in particular: You know I'm unstoppable! I'm like an ox!
–1 Train
Overheard by: Rose Fox
NYU girl: My mother was like, "what would you do with a giant inflatable turkey?" and I was like, "what wouldn't you do with a giant inflatable turkey?"
–3rd Ave & 14th St
Overheard by: Mickey
Teen #1: No, like, I feel BAD for ugly babies. It’s not their fault.
Teen #2: I mean, it’s like, oh my God, your little girl is so cute… what, it’s a boy? Oh my God, I am so sorry.
Teen #3: People always thought I was a boy when I was little. It was, like, so weird. Because I was obviously really cute, and I… I still am. Right, ladies?
Teen #1: Um, can you hand me a paper towel?
Teen #2: I have a headache. Ugh. Damn morning-after pill. No ugly babies for me!
–TGI Friday’s, 59th & Lex
Overheard by: not admitting she was in a T.G.I.Fridays
