Mom: Stop giving your sister the evil eye! What did I tell you about giving people the evil eye?
Little boy: That they would be sent to Hell forever to live with the devil.
–Bx22 bus
Bookchick #1: I had to go and see a circumcision yesterday. Any mother who does that to their son is evil and should burn in Hell.
Bookchick #2: Yeah, but it’s much more hygienic.
Bookchick #1: So? Your labia gets dirty too.
–Barnes & Noble, 22nd & 6th
Overheard by: Vic Payback
A hobo has a cardboard sign that says “Ninjas killed parents, need money for Kugn [sic] Fu lessons.”
A cop comes up, and the hobo says: I don’t know why. I’ve already had five police come by and bother me today.
–14th & 5th
Overheard by: Casey
(cf. This guy.)
Girl: So, Britney Spears said that her mother told her that, like, childbirth is like the most excruciating pain ever.
Guy: Well, look what she ended up with. If my child was a slutbag whore, I’d be in pain too.
–Hudson & Vandam
Little girl: Mommy, I gotta go diarrhea!
Mom: Not all poo-poo is diarrhea, you know.
–Museum of Natural History
Guy #1: I’ll do it, but they’ve got to remember that Sunday is the least rock ‘n roll day of the week.
Guy #2: Yeah…
Guy #1: Jeez…I’m not like those guys, hangin’ out with their wives and kids and shit. What do they know about playing? I need to play.
Guy #2: Why don’t you try to break up their families? Ruin their marriages or some shit.
–6 train
Overheard by: Spiros Harlequinn
Girl: So I hate both my dad and my stepdad.
Guy: That’s because your mom has shitty taste.
Girl: No, she has good tits!
–Rivington & Clinton
Overheard by: Tony Cacioppo
Two young girls switch seats while in their stroller.
Daddy dearest: Never do that again!
They shrink in horror. One starts to cry.
Daddy dearest: Now smile for Daddy!
–Central Park Zoo
Overheard by: girl w/ camera
Teen girl: Wow, that’s so sad…
Woman: Yeah, they have no electricity, no water to drink, no food to eat, nothing.
Teen girl: Well, can’t they just boil the water on the ground and drink it? They say the city is flooded with like six feet of water.
Woman: No, honey, that water is way too contaminated to be boiled, and besides that, they don’t have electricity.
Teen girl: Oh that’s so sad. Where is that?
–LaGuardia
Overheard by: Holly Percey
Woman: So, what is it you like about New Orleans?
–Becco, W. 46th Street
Chick: Apparently there will be another September 11th this month.
–65th & Lexington
Girl: Looks like you got a tan this weekend.
Guy: Yeah, I was out on my friend’s boat but we ran out of gas in the harbor so we were out on the water for a while.
Girl: You know, that was one thing I kept thinking about all weekend, how inflated the price of marine diesel fuel must be.
Guy: It wasn’t my boat so I really don’t know.
They get off the elevator.
Human being: You know, the one thing I kept thinking about all weekend was all the fucking dead people.
–Elevator, Madison & 49th
Overheard by: Captain Obvious
Dad: See there? When people tell you to go jump off the Brooklyn Bridge, that’s where you have to go.
–South Street Seaport
Overheard by: Jackie Randazzo
Receptionist lady: What’s your name?
Little boy: Nayan.
Receptionist lady: Can you spell that for me?
Little boy: N-A-Y-A-N.
Receptionist lady: Did your mommy tell you what your name means?
Little Boy: X-ray vision.
–Doctor’s office, Park Slope
Overheard by: Rachel
