Wasted guy #1: Let me see your phone.
Wasted guy #2: Why?
Wasted guy #1: I need to call my cell.
Wasted guy #2: Why?
Wasted guy #1: To see if it’s in my pocket.

Dallas, Texas

Overheard by: Tswerve

Bimbette #1: I wish I was fat.
Bimbette #2: I totally know what you mean.

Dallas, Texas

Dude #1: So he says, ‘If you can walk a straight line, you can come into my bar.’
Dude #2: And then he got raped!

Austin, Texas

Overheard by: ummmm

Girl to guy: You get the starch, condoms and Red Bull. I will get the rest.

Austin, Texas

Nerd: She was like, ‘That’s so cute!’ and then I came all over her face!

Baylor University
Waco, Texas

Overheard by: kindaDisgusted

Woman: Did you hear about the lawyer in England who wouldn’t take a Muslim woman as a client because she wore a burkha and the lawyer said she couldn’t hear her?! [Holds piece of paper over her mouth] Hello! You can still hear me, right?
Boyfriend: Yeah.
Woman: I can’t believe this! They have that happen, but when a kid dressed up as a pirate and the school kicked him out he said he was a Pastafarian and they let him back in.
Boyfriend: Pastafarian?
Woman: You know, flying spaghetti monster as God, pirates are sacred…
Boyfriend: Oh, yeah.

League City, Texas

Overheard by: JustWantsCoffee

Flamboyant gay dude: I'm trying to get in touch with my inner prostitute.

Dallas, Texas

Overheard by: not buying

Woman: We are having more kids, dammit!

Fort Worth, Texas

Granddaughter: Is it wet?
Grandmother: Oh, believe me. It's wet.

Waco, Texas

Overheard by: I need to get whatever they're using.

Guy #1: The deaf people are coming out in droves.
Guy #2: That bad?
Guy #1: Dude, it's like day of the deaf, or night of the living deaf!

Austin, Texas

Overheard by: Rev Loon