Dorks, Geeks and Nerds

Wednesday One-liners Provide No Easy Answer

Dork: Yeah, but he can spend all that money and gross like a billion dollars, but it’s totally gonna fuck up his legacy, man. Like that guy who was playing when Mozart was around, you know? Whatever happened to that guy?

–Diner, Astoria

Man: How could you do that to me on my birthday month?

–5th between 19th & 20th

Overheard by: Marci Kaufman

Girl: When you look at a little person, don’t you just want to pick them up?

–Union Square

Overheard by: Melissa Wechsler

Art Store guy: …the Army was really persistent. They said, “Oh, we always need artists in the Army.” And I’m like, “No, you fucking don’t! What am I gonna do, paint with the enemy’s blood?”.

–New York Central Art Supply, 3rd Avenue

Overheard by: tourist girl

Lady: Excuse me, is this train going uptown or downtown?

–L train platform, Union Square station

Overheard by: Brenna Sinnott

Conversely, the Constitution Has Become Highly Devalued

Geek #1: Yeah, like all of his swords are national treasures!
Geek #2: Whoa.
Geek #1: Yeah, in Japan, they’re like in museums and stuff.
Geek #2: Can you buy them?
Geek #1: National treasures! That would be like buying the Declaration of Independence!

–F train

Forget Get That Tool; She’s Not Loose

Guy: Are you a robot?
Chick: What?
Guy: Are you a robot? Because I think you need some repairs.
Chick: No, I’m not.
Guy: Are you sure? Because I got a screwdriver in my back seat.

–Broadway between Spring & Broome

Overheard by: Jessica Jaglois

Wednesday One-liners Make the Cut

Woman: This block has the best garbage!

–2nd Avenue & 8th Street

Girl on cell: We’ve already got plans again for this weekend. I’m really excited about this guy; he’s great. He’s really driven, really ready to succeed. He’s a doctor…No, not in real life, on TV.

–57th & Lexington

Overheard by: Heather

White guy: That wasn’t the best day of my life, though. The best day was the day after my birthday when I recoverd my hard drive.

–Astoria party

Overheard by: Noah Starr

Man on cell: I like them shoes with the ruffle. The ones you wore to the Olive Garden that one time.

–Broadway & Prince

Girl: In theory…I was going to end that sentence with, “the dolphins will be OK.”

–7 train

Overheard by: Amado Angel

Lady: Well, he’s an ex-junkie, an alcoholic, mean-tempered, a practicing bisexual, and he has hepatitus C. But he’s a wonderful man and, as guys like that go, he does have great taste in jewelry.

–Midtown office

I Can’t Believe I Used to Waste Money on This Shit

Dork: I saw in the comic that Lex Luthor was President or something like that?
Store guy: Uh huh.
Dork: But now he’s not President in the story in Justice League Unlimited.
Store guy: Right. They’re catching up to that storyline now.
Dork: And they took Supergirl’s DNA and made a clone? And gave her Power Girl’s costume?

–Midtown Comics, Lexington Avenue

Well, It Was the Galaxy’s Oldest Space-profession

Girl #1: So, Anakin is Luke and Leia’s father, right?
Girl #2: Right, so who’s Hayden Christensen? Who’s the sexy guy; not the guy with the beard?
Girl #1: Wait, wasn’t Anakin the kid in that scene with Jabba the Hutt, when he was with that ho?…Did they have hos back then?

–F train

Overheard by: Jess

The Wrath of Chaka Khan

Homie #1: Damn! Shorty set the phasers on stun!
Homie #2: Shields up!

–Union Square station

Producer guy #1: So it’s like when a Trekkie sees Patrick Stewart and immediately yells “There’s Captain Kirk.”
Producer guy #2: Oh, you’re right! Maybe we should just stick to that hip-hop audience you were talking about. Forget the Trekkies.

–Katz’s Deli, Houston Street

Innuendoes Missed by the Recipients and Caught by Overheard

Girl #1: He was a little too Spock and not enough Kirk.
Girl #2: What?

–F train

A son is moving a table into the back of the truck.

Mom: Be careful not to bend the legs when you push it in.
Son: That’s what she said.
Mom: What?

–30th and Lex

Overheard by: Tom

And I Love Your ‘Got Root?’ T-Shirt

Nerdy girl #1: Hey! How are you?
Nerdy girl #2: Good! How are you? Your hair looks good today, did you do something different?
Nerdy girl #1: Thanks! I put it in a ponytail.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Tina

I Would Date That Rock

Comic geek: Talking kryptonite?! That was the worst thing ever!
Cute employee: Oh, yeah?
Comic geek: Yeah! A couple years ago they did a story that was narrated by Arkham Asylum. I mean, that made sense. Fuckin’ Arkham! But talking kryptonite? What the fuck is that?
Other employee: Maybe it wasn’t kryptonite. Maybe it was just a rock with green paint and low self-esteem.

–Midtown Comics, Grand Central

© 2026 OverheardinNewYork.com
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist