White girl #1: You know that guy in the purple shirt we were talking to on the train? I think I know him.
White girl #2: Wait, you mean the guy in the black shirt?
White girl #1: No, his shirt was purple…the black guy, y’know?
WHite girl #2: I really think his shirt was black…
White girl #1: Sweetie, that was his face.
–168th Street station
Overheard by: Cheese Monkey
Woman: His breath stinks. It smells like…it smells like shit to me. He’s gay, that’s why. He’s always suckin’ it, you know.
–Delancey Street station
Overheard by: Palaverist
Short guy: You from Guyana?
Black chick: Yes, I am.
Short guy: Damn! I can always tell a Guyanese woman!
Black chick: Oh yeah? How?
Short guy: By your front teeth. You all have that funny gap thing going on. See? You got it too!
–3 train
Overheard by: Karen Seiger
Homie #1: Damn! Shorty set the phasers on stun!
Homie #2: Shields up!
–Union Square station
Producer guy #1: So it’s like when a Trekkie sees Patrick Stewart and immediately yells “There’s Captain Kirk.”
Producer guy #2: Oh, you’re right! Maybe we should just stick to that hip-hop audience you were talking about. Forget the Trekkies.
–Katz’s Deli, Houston Street
Schoolgirl: …then the teacher said “Silence”. Silence is just a fancy word for “Shut the fuck up”.
–Union Square station
Black mom: Spatula, I’ve got two words for you: be-have!
–6th Avenue salon
Boy, 8: Sorry, Dad. I had to stop because my peg-leg got stuck!
–Park Slope
Hipster #1: But you’re not even Chinese!
Hipster #2: That doesn’t matter.
Hipster #1: It does because any non-Asian person who eats with chopsticks is pretentious.
Hipster #2: I’m not pretentious because I’m an American who uses chopsticks; I’m pretentious because I speak fluent Latin.
–103rd St. station
Subway announcement: Service changes will affect the “d” as in “Darby” line and “v” as in “victim” line.
Tourist mom to family: Honey, I don't think it's safe to take the subway, let's get out.
–Prince Street Subway Stop
Man #1: Oh no…
Man #2: Can we go back to LA now?
Woman: Please do.
–Bedford Avenue station
Tourist #1: We should visit Chinatown.
Tourist #2: Why?
Tourist #1: We can see real Chinese people in their natural habitat.
–Subway station, West 4th St
Old, crazy-looking black dude: The problem, James, is that you’re letting pride go to your head!
White college kid whose name probably isn’t James: Who are you?
–Times Square station
