Wednesday One-Liners Need a Better Bedside Manner

Guy: I can’t wait ’til I am finished with med school and I can start working as pediatric gynecologist.

–Class, W4th & Mercer

Girl watching another use eye drops: Do you need some help with that? I’m pre-med. I’m qualified.

–Butler Library bathroom, Columbia University

Overheard by: dr. getoffyourhighhorse

Girl patient: Oh my god. The cute doctor just took my urine sample. He walked over and asked me for it. God, it’s like, ‘I gave her my heart, she gave me… her urine sample.’ Should we give him my number?

–Beth Israel Medical Center

Chick on cell: Yeah, the doctor stuck his finger up my ass because I can’t shit… Yeah, it hurt. Any ideas I’ve entertained about anal sex are gone.

–12th Ave & Bay Ridge Pkwy, Brooklyn

Overheard by: What the…

Homeless guy: If you need a gyno doctor, my office is in the box around the corner.

–Lexington subway station

Posted on March 30, 2015
Advice, Asshole, Classroom, Creepsters, Health and Hygiene, Homeless, Jobs & Careers, On Cell, Students, Subway Stations

Juvenile Homicide: Not Fully Punishable

Round ghetto girl: Skateboardin’: not cool.
Skater: Childhood obesity: not cool.

–125th St station

Overheard by: Solar

Posted on December 7, 2014
Fat People, Idiots, Insults, Skaters, Stupidity, Subway Stations

Wednesday One-Liners Still Resent Giuliani

Hobo, walking quickly around a lady: You cannot fuck with a power walker!

–60th & 6th

Hobo on corner: Yo man, can I borrow like a hundred dollars plus tax?

–Outside Gray's Papaya

Panhandling teenager: I'm like Obama. I want change!

–Union Square

Overheard by: Canadian Girl

Hobo to self: I don't have anything against people with homes. Why, some of my very best friends have homes!

–E 35th & 6th Ave

Hobo to cops talking him away: Nah, man. I wasn't peeing on no stairs. What you don't understand is that I don't pee for anyone else, I pee for myself.

–145th Street Subway Station

Overheard by: Ben B.

Posted on November 21, 2014
Cops, Crime and Punishment, Hobos, Home, Sweet Home, Homeless, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, Panhandling, Pee, President, Restaurants & Cafes, Street, Subway Stations, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Teens, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Women

Wednesday One-Liners for the Fine Young Cannibals

Hipster: Everyone I know is either married, divorced, gay or crazy.

–37th St, Astoria

Overheard by: Matthias Sundberg

Karaoke panhandler singing Gnarls Barkley: "Does that make me craaaaazy? Maybe I'm craaaaaazy!" It's Memorial Day and I'm sitting here singing to people I never met before in my life. Mmmmmm…craaaazy!

–Times Square Subway Station

Black woman to janitor companion: I am so glad I live in the ghetto. These motherfuckers down here are crazy! (companion nods) And I live in the ghe-tto, 2 train ghetto.

–22nd St & 5th Ave

Hobo, watching man and woman having sex against a statue: I think I'm going to have to move to Europe or something. This place is getting too crazy.

–Madison Square Park

Overheard by: Westsider

30-something guy on cell: Well, that's what my crazy sister said about my more crazy sister.

–Broadway & 114th St

Overheard by: mary e.

Little boy in abandoned shopping cart: I've gotta get off this crazy train!

–Target, Atlantic Ave

Posted on November 19, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, Astoria, Black People, Brooklyn, Columbia University, Crazy, Family Ties, Gays and Lesbians, Guys, Happiness, Hipsters, Hobos, Kids, Marriage, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Music, Nicknames & name calling, On Cell, One-liners, Panhandling, Parks, Public Transportation, Sex, Store, Subway Stations, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Travel, Vendors & Street Performers, Weirdness, Women

He Got Served…Literally!

Cop: Excuse me sir, did you drop this Metrocard?
Asian guy: Oh thank you so much, I’ve been looking for it all over the place!
Cop: You littered. Here’s your ticket.

–Kew Gardens station

Overheard by: Ting

Posted on August 23, 2014
Asians, Cops, Crime and Punishment, Subway Stations

Wednesday One-Liners Express Themselves

Woman running down the stairs: Hold the doors! Oh, God, please hold the doors! Please! [Doors close, train pulls away.] Why? Whyyy?!

–A train

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Hobo to man running for the train: You better run faster! That’s the last train in the world!

–W 4th Street A/C/E platform

Overheard by: Curly Ku

Student: Yo mama is so dumb that when she needs to take the 4 train, she takes the 2 train twice!

–Brooklyn Tech High School

Overheard by: Gazoo

Tourist to friends: Ok, so, we’re headed downtown right now, and in a couple stops we’ll transfer to the express.

–A train express, between 34th & 42nd

Tourist woman: Why is it called an express train? All it does is skip stops.

–4 train at Fulton St

Chick to guy: Don’t tell me that bull! Don’t pull that on the A train!

–Manhattan-bound A train, Brooklyn

Overheard by: chudoc324

Posted on August 18, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, One-liners, Subway Stations, Wednesday One-Liners Vary

Overheard Advice

Guy #1: So I’m not sure what to do.
Guy #2: If you want to know something from somebody, get them drunk.

–8th Street N/R Station

Posted on July 29, 2014
Advice, Drinking & Drunk People, Guys, People, Places, Subway Stations, Topics

All Aboard the HIV Express

Hot Girl: …and then gonorrhea. Yeah, I think that’s all I’ve had. Not as bad as I thought!

–Union Square Station

Overheard by: Greg Rutter

Posted on July 28, 2014
Hootchies, STDs, Subway Stations, Union Square and East Village

An Argument Against Homosexuality

Guy: You are a compelling argument against homosexuality. You are a very pretty girl.

–72nd St Station

Posted on July 16, 2014
Beauty, Guys, Pick-up Lines, Subway Stations

I Think I've Seen That Fisting Video…

MTA announcer: Ladies and gentleman, the next Brooklyn-bound L train will depart in approximately five minutes. The following Brooklyn-bound L train will depart in approximately fifteen minutes
MTA worker: Fifteen minutes my ass!

–L Train Station

Posted on June 17, 2010
Clerks, Comebacks, Directions, Insults, Public Transportation, Subway Stations

Subway Stations