Teen guy: Yeah, I fucked that retarded girl. She didn’t really know what was going on…but I busted in her.
–Cobble Hill
Overheard by: Philec
Teen guy: Yeah, I fucked that retarded girl. She didn’t really know what was going on…but I busted in her.
–Cobble Hill
Overheard by: Philec
Girl #1: Whoa man, you look totally creepy. Like a creepy molester.
Girl #2: It’s a molestache!
–B-Side, Avenue B
Guy #1: Me and Dave tried to shoplift some porn last night.
Guy #2: What do you mean “tried?”
Guy #1: The alarm went off, but we didn’t get caught. 24 hours of teens for $15. I had a twenty but it was in my pocket instead of my wallet, otherwise I woulda just paid for it
Guy #2: I bet if you watched that for 24 hours you’d look like when E.T.’s sick in the river.
–34th & 9th
Overheard by: dubbel cheese
Two guys and a girl are walking down a street when a strange man sitting in an office chair rolls toward them.
Chair guy: Ah, this girl got two boyfriends! Mmm…Can a black man join the club? Can…a black man….join the club. Join the club.
–4th & Jane
Overheard by: marissa
Woman: Bye, see you around!
Parks guy: Bye! Dream of me! You might wake up wet.
–Central Park
Overheard by: Nicole Weber
Dude #1: Hey, keep a lookout, I gotta piss and I’m gonna go in the freezer.
Dude #2: Looks like I can’t buy frozen burritos here anymore.
–Pathmark, Staten Island
Stocker guy #1: Hey, listen to this.
Stocker guy #2: Yeah?
Stocker guy #1: So I’m driving home last night, and my cell phone rings. And it’s a number that I don’t recognize. I pick it up, and say, “Hello?” And there’s this woman’s voice, and she’s like, “Is this Michael?” and I say, “Yeah.” So I’m thinkin’ it’s that girl I met the other day, that I gave my number to. And she’s like, “Did you meet a girl at 88th and 2nd?” And I’m like, “Yeah.” “How old are you?” she asks. And I like, I say, “I’m 34”, but I’m really 44. And then she’s like, “Well, she’s 15. This is her mother.”
–Food Emporium, 87th & Madison
Sandwich guy: Hey there pretty girl, you want your usual turkey sandwich?
Girl: Yes, please.
Sandwich guy: You’re the mayo girl, right?
Girl: No, mustard. So have you learned my sandwich yet?
Sandwich guy: Yes, of course. Ham?
Girl: No, turkey.
Sandwich guy: Lettuce and tomato, right?
Girl. No tomato.
Sandwich guy: Swiss cheese, right?
Girl: No, cheddar.
Sandwich guy: You said mayo?
–97th & Amsterdam deli
Girl: Stop staring, pervert.
Guy: You ain’t all that hot.
Girl: I am not a hamburger! You can’t eat me!
–3 train
Overheard by: Jose
A woman with a cart full of baby products is prompted by an old man for her receipt.
Old man: I see you are buying diapers. Any chance you would date an older man and change his diapers? Are you a school teacher?
The woman grabbed her receipt and quickly walked away.
–BJ’s, Gateway Center
Overheard by: Cathleen
