Girl: Stop staring, pervert.
Guy: You ain’t all that hot.
Girl: I am not a hamburger! You can’t eat me!
–3 train
Overheard by: Jose
Girl: Stop staring, pervert.
Guy: You ain’t all that hot.
Girl: I am not a hamburger! You can’t eat me!
–3 train
Overheard by: Jose
A woman with a cart full of baby products is prompted by an old man for her receipt.
Old man: I see you are buying diapers. Any chance you would date an older man and change his diapers? Are you a school teacher?
The woman grabbed her receipt and quickly walked away.
–BJ’s, Gateway Center
Overheard by: Cathleen
Guy: Are you a robot?
Chick: What?
Guy: Are you a robot? Because I think you need some repairs.
Chick: No, I’m not.
Guy: Are you sure? Because I got a screwdriver in my back seat.
–Broadway between Spring & Broome
Overheard by: Jessica Jaglois
Guy on speaker phone: Hello?
Girl: Hi! I’d like to schedule a bikini wax.
Guy on speaker phone: Um, I don’t do those professionally. Just sort of as a hobby.
Girl: Oh, ha ha. Well, can I schedule an unprofessional bikini wax?
Guy on speaker phone: I’m not certified. My technique is too controversial.
Girl: Controversy makes me hot.
Guy on speaker phone: Who the hell is this?
–M66 bus
Man #1: Yo, tell him about it!
Man #2: OK, so I got two hookers tonight, but if you want we can get more.
Man #3: That’s all right man, sharing is caring.
–NA, 14th Street
Overheard by: Katerina Leznik
Husband: Sex with you is great, but it’s no substitute for pepperoni!
–Stop & Shop supermarket, Ridgewood
Overheard by: Dawn
Editor: So she went to this party in San Diego and got slipped a roofie. The guy couldn’t even get her home. She had to be taken straight to the hospital. It’s one of those things that you feel terrible for her, but also find awfully titillating.
Art Director: Wow. Crossing the line…
Editor: Hey, I will not keep secrets from myself or you!
–Midtown office
Person #1: Sorry I farted.
Person #2: Oh, I love your farts.
–9th St & 2nd Ave
Suit: I pay my money, I cross my legs, and I say, ‘Entertain me.’
–52nd St, between 8th & 9th Ave
Woman on cell: Money is kind of like a metaphor for life.
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Eavesdropper
Street performer: Hey, little children, if your parents don’t give you money to give us, it means they don’t love you!
–Columbus Circle
Overheard by: Allison
Guy on bench: Let Jesus out of your wallet! All you good Christians, I need some of your Jesus money!
–Grand Central
Overheard by: Laura
Loud guy: For that kind of money I should stand on my hands and juggle bowling balls out my anus!
–Subway station at 72nd & Broadway
Creepy dude, walking up to two college kids: Hey, you guys look pretty smart, can I ask you a question?
College guy: Uh, we can't um… help you.
Creepy dude: I'm not asking for money, I just have a question. So if someone like, is an accomplice in a kidnapping, are they just as liable as the person who did the actual kidnapping?
College guy: I think it depends.
Creepy dude: Great! Thanks. (creepy dude walks away)
College chick: Is this one of those, “if you see something, say something” moments? Maybe we should call a popo.
–Port Authority Bus Terminal
Overheard by: Vicksburg
