Small Mexican man in hot dog suit: Eat me, eat me, eat me, eat me, eat me.
20-ish chick waiting to cross street: No, thank you.
Hot dog man: Eat me, eat me, eat me, eat me!
20-ish chick: No, really — thank you, but I’ll pass. [Muttering] God, will this light ever change?!
Hot dog man: Eat me, eat me, eat me!

Wrigley Field
Chicago, Illinois

Overheard by: Cubs Fan

Man at airport: I’m gonna go hug that kid. Maybe then his mom will start keeping an eye on him.

Overheard by: tim

Creepy, vacant-eyed hipster, apropos of nothing: Jesus loves you. He made you. He shows me things.

Overheard by: Jen

Dude to two chicks: So, my friends are really nice… Just don’t accept any drinks from them.

Overheard by: nate

Creepy guy with shriveled arm: Nah, I haven't used in a couple months. But if I wanted to start again, I got a savings account now.

5 Bus
San Diego, California

Overheard by: mhd

Fat guy: So, I was getting head when all of a sudden I got this case of explosive diarrhea! I shitted everywhere, dude!

University of Hartford
West Hartford, Connecticut

Overheard by: Joa

Guy, crying: Ahhh! I just had sex with Stephen Hawking right up here, in my head!

Biloxi, Mississippi

Casanova: This is a replica of the helmet I wear when I fuck my wife.

Cincinnati, Ohio

Overheard by: shadow

Dude #1: So, what are you in?
Chick: Physiology, but I’m taking physics and anatomy.
Dude #2: Shit! So you get to go to the morgue and stuff?
Chick: Yeah! I love it!
Dude #1: Do you have to touch their privates?!

Loud man in fatigues: Wow! Y’all look like Charlie’s Angels. I didn’t realize how beautiful you are.
Girl #1: Oh, thanks.
Loud man in fatigues: Wow! You have beautiful feet! Can I suck a toe-jam?
Girl #1: Ummm, no, thank you.
Girl #2, whispering: What’s a toe-jam? Is it something really gross and inappropriate?

Washington, DC