Coworkers

20‐something female shopkeeper to coworker, as Michael Jackson’s “Rock with You” plays on the radio: Did you hear he’s sick? Apparently, he’s in the hospital. I know, it’s crazy. Can you imagine if he dies? If he dies, that’ll be, like, the most awful thing to happen to America in years!

–Pet Food Store

Overheard by: Nathalie

Suit on cell: What if Michael Jackson sucking your dick was the cure for cancer?

–8th & Broadway

Man, lighting cigarette: So what’d he die from? A sunburn?

–Chambers St. & West Broadway

Middle aged black lady on cell: If you can get Michael Jackson on a condom box it would definitely sell.

–MacDougal & 8th St

Nine‐year‐old boy, pointing to a newspaper article, to younger sister: Oh yeah, that guy? He was fifty. He used to be a black guy but made himself become white.

–Canal & Orchard, Chinatown

Overheard by: Lauren T.

Large tattooed man, discussing Michael Jackson: One of those kids is his; the other two can’t be, they’re white. They were all unofficially inseminated, though.

–Delancey & Essex

Female coworker: I just don’t think I’m looking in the right places to meet guys.
Jappy coworker: Just get a group of girls together, and go to services at B’nai Jeshurun, I hear it’s a meat market on Shabbat.

–Upper West Side

Overheard by: Melissa

Guy, about colleague’s showering habits: Yea, you know, I have an eye for that kinda stuff. Need to make sure people stay clean ‘n fresh ’round me. Know what I’m sayin’?
Girl: Are you sure? Because–
Guy: –Nah, yo. He must shower early in the morning or late at night. Or else somewhere in between.

–On the bus

Overheard by: Nabz

Serious, conservative, aspiring journalist to another: Something I’ve been working on a lot, I might not write it for publication but at least for my own enjoyment, you know, I’ve been writing a report on the culture of defecation.
Other journalist: Nice! I’ve been thinking a lot about that.

–In Line for Guggenheim Museum

Coworker #1: It looks like one of your clients is testing positive for gonorrhea or chlamydia.
Coworker #2: Kinky.

–Broadway & Canal

Overheard by: office peon loves her new job

Graphics girl: OK, I’m a chitter‐chatterbox.
Editor: Did you just say you’re a chicken pederast?

–27th Street office

Insurance guy #1: Man, I love this weather!
Insurance guy #2: Yeah, I love global warming… That’s why I drive an SUV. We’re tropical animals, we’re supposed to be in tropical weather!

–25th St & Madison Ave

Whole Foods employee #1: Yo man, do you know if we have any Kanye pepper?
Whole Foods employee #2: Nah, I think we’re out.

–Whole Foods, Union Square

Overheard by: Darling Pinky

Barista girl: Ohmigod, I love your shoes! I want them.
Register girl: Thanks.
Barista girl: I love them! Awww.
Register girl, embarrassed: Thanks, haha.
Barista girl: I love them, but I can never get them… Because I can’t wear black with brown.
Register girl, borderline offended: Why not?
Barista girl: It gives me anxiety, that’s why.

–Starbucks

Young society reject to same: You’re the psycho‐freak out! You touch people’s ears at random!

–AMC Theatre at Lincoln Center

Overheard by: G‑Lime

A woman to friend: My friend just became a manicurist. She had her first client today and she only has one hand.

–Forham University

Woman almost forgetting her sunglasses: I would lose my ass if it wasn’t attached to my neck!

–A Train

Overheard by: Don

Student: I think the guy selling cell phones on the street made off with my uterus.

–Touro College of Osteopathis, Harlem

Coworker to another: You have thighs now. When you came here, you had no thighs.

–1250 Broadway

Suit #1 to suit #2: He has the feet of a nine‐year‐old girl!

–44th & Lexington