Manager guy: How did you make those sandwiches so fast?
Sammich guy: Performance-enhancing drugs.
–Subway, 23rd & Madison
Manager guy: How did you make those sandwiches so fast?
Sammich guy: Performance-enhancing drugs.
–Subway, 23rd & Madison
Young hotel guy: Yeah, he checked in with no luggage so he could kill himself.
Old hotel guy: No shit, happens all the time here.
–outside Hilton New York, 54th Street
Shopgirl #1: So school starts again soon?
Shopgirl #2: Yeah. School starts soon. But it’s not anything interesting, like math. It’s like, all history and sociology and ethnics. Ethics.
–American Apparel, E. Houston Street
Overheard by: isti
Sales guy: I’m been feeling sick all day.
Sales gal: Is it something serious?
Sales guy: Nah, it’s not like I’m bleeding from the ass or anything.
–The Strand
Cashier Lady #1: What I’ma do if I gotta go to the pussy doctor? Tell the boss I gotta itch in my pussy?
Cashier Lady #2: Yeah, you gotta protect your privacy.
Cashier Lady #1: They don’t gotta know all about my pussy’s issues.
–Hunter College cafeteria
Overheard by: Carrie
Editor: So she went to this party in San Diego and got slipped a roofie. The guy couldn’t even get her home. She had to be taken straight to the hospital. It’s one of those things that you feel terrible for her, but also find awfully titillating.
Art Director: Wow. Crossing the line…
Editor: Hey, I will not keep secrets from myself or you!
–Midtown office
Woman #1: …and I was crouching down with my 6 or 7 inches of my bare ass showing, it was so embarrassing, and he stayed there!
Woman #2: Maybe he was a pee fetishist!
Woman #1: But he was young!
Woman #2: Maybe you turned him into a pee fetishist!
–Noho office bathroom
Girl with hideous fur hat: How were the interviews today?
Girl with birkenstocks and socks: They didn’t hire the black candidate. They suck.
Girl with hideous fur hat: Why not?
Girl with birkenstocks and socks: Because he had a big dick, duh.
Girl with hideous fur hat: Oh, OK.
–5th Avenue & 54th Street
Overheard by: Julia
TSA agent #1 pointing at escalator: … And she fell right around here, her hair gets caught right there… And it just rips her scalp right off.
TSA agent #2: Oh, dear god…
–Terminal 4, JFK
Library staff: Was there brain damage?
Library work-study: Er, no.
Library staff: Well, then! How badly can you get hurt by getting hit in the head with a beer bottle?
–Fordham University Library
