Coworkers

Coworker #1: It looks like one of your clients is testing positive for gonorrhea or chlamydia.
Coworker #2: Kinky.

–Broadway & Canal

Overheard by: office peon loves her new job

Graphics girl: OK, I’m a chitter-chatterbox.
Editor: Did you just say you’re a chicken pederast?

–27th Street office

Insurance guy #1: Man, I love this weather!
Insurance guy #2: Yeah, I love global warming… That’s why I drive an SUV. We’re tropical animals, we’re supposed to be in tropical weather!

–25th St & Madison Ave

Whole Foods employee #1: Yo man, do you know if we have any Kanye pepper?
Whole Foods employee #2: Nah, I think we’re out.

–Whole Foods, Union Square

Overheard by: Darling Pinky

Barista girl: Ohmigod, I love your shoes! I want them.
Register girl: Thanks.
Barista girl: I love them! Awww.
Register girl, embarrassed: Thanks, haha.
Barista girl: I love them, but I can never get them… Because I can't wear black with brown.
Register girl, borderline offended: Why not?
Barista girl: It gives me anxiety, that's why.

–Starbucks

Young society reject to same: You’re the psycho-freak out! You touch people’s ears at random!

–AMC Theatre at Lincoln Center

Overheard by: G-Lime

A woman to friend: My friend just became a manicurist. She had her first client today and she only has one hand.

–Forham University

Woman almost forgetting her sunglasses: I would lose my ass if it wasn’t attached to my neck!

–A Train

Overheard by: Don

Student: I think the guy selling cell phones on the street made off with my uterus.

–Touro College of Osteopathis, Harlem

Coworker to another: You have thighs now. When you came here, you had no thighs.

–1250 Broadway

Suit #1 to suit #2: He has the feet of a nine-year-old girl!

–44th & Lexington

Clerk #1: Did you know that there are a whole bunch of copies of Atlas Shrugged in the Bestsellers section?
Clerk #2: Yeah.
Clerk #1: Is it okay if I pee on them?

–Info desk, Strand Bookstore

Artist: Painting is wearing me out. I think I’m ready to retire.
Sales associate: Artists do not retire. As a matter of fact, they are the only ones that do not retire.
Artist: Yeah, they just jump off a bridge or out of a window.

–New York Central Art Supply Store, 3rd Ave, between 10th & 11th St

Middle-aged female employee: What are you going to do while I’m gone?
Young male employee: I dunno — whatever Batman does when Alfred’s not around.

–Wendy’s, 33rd & 8th

Overheard by: Duncan Pflaster

Guy #1: Sam better on his way to this meeting too.
Guy #2: Let me call the office and check if he’s left yet…Sam, what’s up, man? Where are you?

–E train