Coworkers

Whole Foods employee #1: Yo man, do you know if we have any Kanye pepper?
Whole Foods employee #2: Nah, I think we’re out.

–Whole Foods, Union Square

Overheard by: Darling Pinky

Barista girl: Ohmigod, I love your shoes! I want them.
Register girl: Thanks.
Barista girl: I love them! Awww.
Register girl, embarrassed: Thanks, haha.
Barista girl: I love them, but I can never get them… Because I can't wear black with brown.
Register girl, borderline offended: Why not?
Barista girl: It gives me anxiety, that's why.

–Starbucks

Young society reject to same: You’re the psycho-freak out! You touch people’s ears at random!

–AMC Theatre at Lincoln Center

Overheard by: G-Lime

A woman to friend: My friend just became a manicurist. She had her first client today and she only has one hand.

–Forham University

Woman almost forgetting her sunglasses: I would lose my ass if it wasn’t attached to my neck!

–A Train

Overheard by: Don

Student: I think the guy selling cell phones on the street made off with my uterus.

–Touro College of Osteopathis, Harlem

Coworker to another: You have thighs now. When you came here, you had no thighs.

–1250 Broadway

Suit #1 to suit #2: He has the feet of a nine-year-old girl!

–44th & Lexington

Clerk #1: Did you know that there are a whole bunch of copies of Atlas Shrugged in the Bestsellers section?
Clerk #2: Yeah.
Clerk #1: Is it okay if I pee on them?

–Info desk, Strand Bookstore

Artist: Painting is wearing me out. I think I’m ready to retire.
Sales associate: Artists do not retire. As a matter of fact, they are the only ones that do not retire.
Artist: Yeah, they just jump off a bridge or out of a window.

–New York Central Art Supply Store, 3rd Ave, between 10th & 11th St

Middle-aged female employee: What are you going to do while I’m gone?
Young male employee: I dunno — whatever Batman does when Alfred’s not around.

–Wendy’s, 33rd & 8th

Overheard by: Duncan Pflaster

Guy #1: Sam better on his way to this meeting too.
Guy #2: Let me call the office and check if he’s left yet…Sam, what’s up, man? Where are you?

–E train

Male ticket taker: Anyway, I can't keep a guy for more than three days. I don't have a personality. I have looks.
Female ticket taker: Aw, come on. Believe me, you have a personality.
Male ticket taker: Yeah, an annoying one!

–AMC Loews, Lincoln Square

50-something woman to coworker at Burger King: And he said, “Why you always coming in here, dressed up like you're at the beach? What is that?” And I was like, “Yeah, please, put me on a real beach, in like Dominican Republic or something.”
Coworker: He probably just wanted to see you in your bikini.

–LaGuardia Airport

Overheard by: … But I know I wouldn't

Cute JAP talking about all the stuff she gets: I don't need a man, I have my mom.

–Rare View Bar

Overheard by: white guy

Blonde girl to male friend: Listen, John. Fifteen minutes, your mom. Fifteen minutes, your mom.

–R Train

Annoying 40-something new mom: A good mom always has a diaper in her pocket!

–Barnes & Noble, 18th & 5th

Overheard by: I Am McLovey

Coworker: I got a bootleg mother.

–Midtown

Window-shopping tourist to wife: Look, honey! It's the dress your mother wore when they buried her!

–Union Square

Overheard by: CJ

Guy: I go over to the house for Mother's Day and she yells at me for not calling her for Mother's Day like my brother did. So I go outside and call her from my cell and say "happy Mother's Day!" and she yells at me for being an idiot.

–37th & 7th