Queer: When did this song come out?
DJ: I was in diapers.
Queer: That’s hot!
DJ: You think?
Queer: I won’t date guys in their thirties anymore. They’re so conservative.
DJ: Uh-huh.
Queer: I wanna be your daddy!
DJ: Put it on paper.
–Barrage, W. 47th Street
Overheard by: Nick Salvato
Jock #1: …Yeah, but I heard she was dating someone.
Jock #2: She can date…my balls.
Jock #1: Classy, man. Classy.
–Modell’s, E. 86th Street
Queer on cell: Oh my God, did you hear? Liz has a date…yeah, with a guy…a straight guy…
–Time Warner Center
Overheard by: Cole
Suit on cell: Hi, I’m in Chelsea. I just bought the We Love Disco CD and two porn magazines.
–22nd between 7th & 8th
Black guy: Damn, those horses is gay.
–Times Square
Overheard by: seth scott barkley
Queer on cell: Hey, I got here early. The Starbucks is closed for renovations, so why don’t we just skip to the blowjob?
–7th & Grove
Chick: He was getting blown by a trannie and right before he came he said, “get out of my car, you faggot” and that’s how he knew he wasn’t gay.
–W Hotel bar, Union Square
Overheard by: Somebody nowhere
Guy: I mean, he’s weird. He’ll let me make out with him, but he won’t share his salsa.
–Bond & Lafayette
Queer: First of all, if I was going to have an orgy at four in the morning, I would not have carne asada first. Pttth! Second of all…um…carne asada is not pre-orgy food.
–Barrage, West 47th Street
Overheard by: Nick Salvato
Queer: I’m never having sex with another virgin again. When the virgin is on the receiving end it can be such a pain in the…yeah.
–Bleecker & Macdougal
Woman on cell: Mom, he doesn’t have an accent, he’s gay!
–Madison & 52nd
White woman: Are you available?
Teen Japanese boy: I’m sorry?
White woman: Are you…available?
Teen Japanese boy: Available for what?
White woman: You know…available?
Teen Japanese boy: Sorry, this is my stop.
–F train
Overheard by: Heather Red
Guy: I want to go to FIT so I can hook up with girls.
–27th & 7th
Girl: I mean, I got shat on at Harvard.
–9th Street & 2nd Avenue
Overheard by: Kamran Javadizadeh
Woman: Is there a special event going on at Columbia this summer? Because I’ve seen a lot of Asians around.
–116th & Broadway
Overheard by: Carrie
Hipster girl: I mean, I’ve got like, over 160 facebook friends. Does that not mean anything?
–56th & 6th
Overheard by: Joyce Shen
Sociology professor: No one knows what the hell Derrida is talking about, but we all pretend we do anyway.
–Columbia
Overheard by: djlindee
Woman: So how was the blind date?
Man: Ugh, you know. He’s tall, white, and a vegan. The same as every man in this world.
–Union Square
Overheard by: Mike Drucker
Girl #1: So, like, I’m deciding between these two guys. One’s really hot, and like, Goth and stuff–he listens to Cradle of Filth–and the other’s all preppy and sweet.
Girl #2: Uh huh. That’s so Tess of the d’Urbervilles.
Girl #1: Uh huh. And so, I’m all conflicted. The preppy one’s so sweet! He’s trying to get me not to do drugs. He’s all, “Don’t do heroin!”
Girl #2: That’s sweet, I guess. Wait: do you do drugs?
Girl #1: Well, no. I might have done pot once, but I was so wasted I couldn’t tell.
–The Strand
Russian chick: I don’t know why he’s so pathetic that he resorts to lap dancing. I mean, come on, lap dancing! Is he really so desperate? He’s a good-looking guy, I just don’t understand how he could stoop so low!
Preppy guy: No no no, you misunderstand! He’s not desperate, he’s just into that sort of thing… you know, he’s actually dating a porn star right now.
–84th between 2nd & 3rd
Overheard by: Mr. Sausage
Girl: I’m warning you in advance, way in advance: don’t get too drunk tonight, you always end up with someone bad.
–St. Mark’s Place
Woman: …and now I don’t want to even see his feet much less touch them!
–72nd & 3rd
Overheard by: Nora
JetBlue chick: You can’t be dating him, he looks all dyslexic.
–JFK
Overheard by: Jessica
Chick on cell: …and it’s ironic, but the Museum of Sex was like a bad lay: small, and not performing to my expectations.
–111th & Broadway
Overheard by: Djlindee
Hippie boy: What are we going to talk about? He’s a hairdresser and I’m a teenager!
Mom: Date him, I guess.
–Prospect Park
Overheard by: Gretchen
