Dating

Office girl: So if you’re Bonnie, then who’s your Clyde?
Boss guy: I’m so not the femme.
Office girl: Totally.
Boss guy: I need a guy a little more faggy than me but not like, say, Tom Cruisey or Richard Simmonsy.
Office girl: Wait, who’s more faggy than Richard Simmons?

–Office, West 52nd Street

Overheard by: GeeGoo

Ghetto girl #1: …so I was talkin’ to that guy and his accent was so fuckin’ hot–guys from there have accents for whatever–and I’m like, “Yo, why you got an accent? You only live like 20 miles away.” I was like, “Nigga, what the fuck is up with havin’ an accent and bein’ from Louisiana?” He then be lookin’ at me like I swallowed my own piss.
Ghetto girl #2: You so stupid. His accent be the thing that make you want him. You so stupid. Know why? I don’t think he even had an accent; you probably thought he was from Jamaica or something. Just because he black. You a bad liar too. People from Louisiana can’t have accents. That’s for people from different parts of the world, like the Canadians in Europe. Canada’s such a fuckin’ weird country, but they got hot accents. If you from Louisiana, you sound just like you do if you from New York, and if you from New Jersey. If you from Canada, you sound mad different, because it’s on the other side.
Ghetto girl #1: Well nah, I knew Canada was overseas…but they ain’t got accents. I’m tellin’ ya though, this fuckin’ Louisiana guy has a fuckin’ accent…and it’s not even as far as Canada…Louisiana is a drive away; it’s fuckin’ nuts. I just wish I could make out with him so that I could feel his fuckin’ Louisiana lips, but then I guess I be wrong, he can’t be from Louisiana. So I guess I’ma dream of kissin’ him when we be in Canada. It’s across the world and great.
Bystander guy: The sad thing about this is that you two will probably become teachers.

–Queens Plaza station

Queer #1: I can’t believe he wouldn’t go out with me.
Queer #2: Well, he didn’t think you could play the bongos. And he was right.
Queer #1: I know, but it’s not like I can’t learn.
Queer #2: Oh God, you’re giving me a boner.

–Greenwich & West 12th

Waiter: I assume you guys are on a date?
Guy #1: Yep.
Waiter: I just love seeing two nice young men together, so I brought you key lime shots to go with the key lime pie. Enjoy.
Guy #2: Bitch, you’ll do anything for alcohol.

–East of Eighth, W. 23rd Street

Guy: Where the fuck is this bitch?…Oh, sorry ’bout the language ladies. I wasn’t talking about you, I was talking about my girlfriend.

–54th & 5th

Overheard by: E. Hart

Guy on cell: Yeah I know her, my sister went out with her when she was still a man.

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: Barry Divola

Guy: So, go out with her! For her it will be a date. For you, it will be a charity event.

–Koi, W. 40th Street

Overheard by: Uptownish

Girl: You’ve been going out with him for two months and only now did you realize he has one testicle.

–Spring & West Broadway

Queer: When did this song come out?
DJ: I was in diapers.
Queer: That’s hot!
DJ: You think?
Queer: I won’t date guys in their thirties anymore. They’re so conservative.
DJ: Uh-huh.
Queer: I wanna be your daddy!
DJ: Put it on paper.

–Barrage, W. 47th Street

Overheard by: Nick Salvato

Jock #1: …Yeah, but I heard she was dating someone.
Jock #2: She can date…my balls.
Jock #1: Classy, man. Classy.

–Modell’s, E. 86th Street