Man: Her first husband told her he was gay after 7 years. Her second was a loveless marriage. And then she had coffee with me!
–La Lanterna
Man: Her first husband told her he was gay after 7 years. Her second was a loveless marriage. And then she had coffee with me!
–La Lanterna
Girl #1: God, why are all the losers interested in me?!
Girl #2: Shut up! At least you have the potential of getting some ass! All I can get are the people in my mind… And they’re not even hot!
Girl #1: … Sorry.
–Cowgirl Hall of Fame restaurant, Hudson St
Girl on cell: So I told her I didn’t think George Washington was a cannibal.
–Barnes & Noble, Staten Island
Overheard by: Marina Tricorico
Asian girl to friend: You know, if he really likes you, he’d eat you.
–Coles Sports Center
Overheard by: Alice Huang
Hysterical woman screaming at cops: She bit me! I did not touch her!
–84th & Broadway
Overheard by: rachel
Dude: Remember that crazy condo lady? She totally ate my ass on the first date.
–Chelsea
20-something guy on cell: have you ever tasted pee before?! Word?!
–Spring & W Broadway
Three-year-old girl: Daddy, I’m eating your eyeballs!
–R Train
Overheard by: Jon A.
Columbia hipster girl #1: They were going out for a while.
Columbia hipster girl #2: Like, in college or in the real world?
–Columbia University
Overheard by: Living a fantasy
Bimbo #1: I just want to move to another state, you know?
Bimbo #2: Yeah, like further south?
Bimbo #1: No, probably Australia.
Bimbo #2: Oh my God, me too! My cousin owns this train station, we could totally go!
Bimbo #1: Nah. I have a date tonight.
Headline by: johnny pissoff
Runners-Up:
· “All Aboard the Pangea Express” – Stitches
· “And Australia’s like, “WTF mate?”” – one L
· “Ashley crushes yet another of Jessica’s plans.” – Heidi
· “Besides, i dont speak german…” – senny
· “Crikey! Thank God the Stingrays Got Me Before They Arrived.” – Katie
· “Going Down, But Not Under” – sigh
· “It’s good to see Condy getting out more” – mp
· “Wait, You Have a Date? That Doesn’t Even Make Sense.” – 08kjl
Girl #1: He was just the most amazing guy — he said the most amazing things to me. I just wanted to run away with him.
Girl #2: That’s gay.
–Barnard College
Angry man yelling into pay phone: Do you know what extortion is? Yeah? Well, it’s not nice.
–Polish resturant, Brooklyn Heights
Bus driver: To all the nice people who didn’t curse at the bus driver, thank you.
–Bx 8 bus
Overheard by: You’re Welcome
Woman collecting money for Coalition for the Homeless: Now, you have a nice day, sir! I don’t wanna tell you have a nice day, because you’re a horrible person! You should be giving me money, but you ain’t and you’re going to hell! But I’m a good person, so I’m going to say have a nice day anyway! Have a nice day, ladies. Shalom!
–42nd & Broadway
Overheard by: Michelle Smith
Homely redhead: I started dating this new guy, and that’s really good because I haven’t dated anyone in over a year. We’ve been on two dates and he’s married and he’s really nice.
–60th & 5th
Dude: He’s a nice guy. If you cross him he’ll tie your ears together and slingshot boxes of wine in your face.
–Bleecker
Chick: She is a nice girl! Completely crazy.
–67th St stop, Queens
Loud teenage guidette: He doesn’t date!
Ugly teenage guidette: Yeah, he’s gay or something. I heard—yeah.
Loud teenage guidette: No, no, he’s protestant—like religious. They worship this Chinese guy…
Ugly teenage guidette: Oh, I heard about that! They don’t date?
Loud teenage guidette: They don’t date white people.
–Starbucks
Friend #1: Can you believe that? I never heard from her again!
Friend #2: Well, at least you got to see her vagina.
–48th & 10th
Cute blonde: So, I thought I might like him, and we went on some fun dates, but then he shaved his head and now I can’t go out with him.
Friend: Wait — what’s wrong with him shaving his head?
Cute blonde: Well, nothing in theory, but now he looks like a terrorist.
–116th & Broadway
Overheard by: uptown girl
Headline by: Sarah K
Runners-Up:
· “…Or Ghandi, Whichever.” – Johnny
· “And He Wants Me to Call Him Britney in Bed” – Sim Etrias
· “And the Anthrax in His Apartment Is No Picnic Either” – Naked Lunch
· “Oh, Whew… I Thought You Said, “tourist”” – Rhadamanthus
· “Plus, I Wouldn’t Qualify As One Of His 72 Virgins” – MarioRPG
· “Racial Profiling Is So Hot Right Now” – Fran
