Skinny, black charity mugger: Hey, look at you! Help feed the homeless!
Chubby white chick: No, sorry.
Skinny, black chugger: You, feed the homeless!
Chubby white chick: Sorry, no thanks, I’m late.
Skinny, black chugger: You big enough to feed the homeless!
–Broadway & 10th
Overheard by: booksandlibretti
Chick #1: The girl puts on 10 pounds and nobody wants her.
Chick #2: But she did cocaine.
Chick #1: Big deal! Everyone does cocaine!
–Conde Nast Building, Times Square
Girl to friend: Is there a way to block fat people on OkCupid?
–Bedford Ave & 8th
Girlfriend to boyfriend: Remember the other day when you told me I had a fat ass and I didn’t curse you out? So now you gonna buy me something.
–Pizzeria, 77th St & 1st Ave
Overheard by: Eric
Older woman waiting for a seat: Oh good, the fat one got up. Shit, an even fatter sits down.
–JFK Airport
Overheard by: Henry Pena
Posh‐looking Asian chick: But he consumed over 6,000 calories a day, so he deserved whatever he had coming.
–Park Slope
Overheard by: Ladle
White hip‐hopper on cell: Yeah, she’s so big I thought there was two of her. Then I realized she was a dude!
–Broome & Forsyth
Overheard by: Terry
Girl #1: Don’t you like anything about yourself?
Girl #2: I like my abs.
Girl #1: Really?
Girl #2: I guess not.
–Grand Central
Overheard by: Alexis Gratt
Crackhead to French girls: This side of the station is for crackheads only. You are in violation of code 113, this area is reserved for crackheads only. So move now.
–110th St Train Station
Film man: Gimme five minutes and I’ll give you my left nut.
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: S&J
Suit on cell: You hooked up with a 300‐pound girl?
–14th & 3rd Ave
Mexican guy: You look like 50 Cent. But in Mexico, your name would be 50 Pesos.
–Caliente Cab Restaurant , 488 3rd Ave
Overheard by: Mon
Thug: My wife hit me up for fitty bucks, and then my girl hit me up for another fitty bucks, and now I’m all tapped out.
–7 Train
Overheard by: Juliet
Conductor: Come on people! You were born with two eyes. If you would just use them to see that there are three different doors to the train, you would know that you’re holding people up trying to go home! Use your eyes and head and go in another door that people aren’t trying to get out of…Use the head people…Use the head!
–1 Train
Overheard by: megan
Econ major: So is that quadrillion as in past trillion?
–Classroom, NYU
Stranger to six‐year‐old girl who is one dollar short when paying: Hey there, sweetheart! I will pay that last dollar for you. Don’t you worry.
Girl: No! You are fat!
–Dylan’s Candy Bar
Overheard by: Acrown
Guy: How do you know I don’t have a uterus?
Girl: Because you’re too skinny to have one!
–Rooftop Party, South Williamsburg
Overheard by: wombat
Boyfriend is trying to force‐feed chocolate to his girlfriend.
Girlfriend: Stop, I don’t want it. It will make me fat, and you won’t want me.
Boyfriend: Yeah, but no one else will either.
–A train
(two obese out‐of‐towners take up four seats on the subway)
Fat man #1: They should really make these seats for Americans.
Fat man #2: The problem with these trains is that they’re built in Canada with a Japanese design.
–Grand Central Shuttle
Overheard by: Porky Pig
Teen girl: If you want to lose weight, watch a lot of porn. I’m serious, if you watch porn, you won’t have to eat for hours. Oh, and masturbating burns a lot of calories, too.
–Brooklyn
Very upset drunk hobo, after conductor announces last stop: Your kickin’ all these people out to wait for the next train, just so you can jerk off?
–Bowling Green Station
Street dancer: Everyone on earth was born as a result of an orgasm. Everyone masturbates. And if they say they don’t, they’re lying. Even the Pope masturbates!
–Union Square
Irish dude, throwing tea to the ground: It’s not right, man! Asshole masturbated in my tea!
–Outside Starbucks
Teen thug: I wanna pleasure myself while writing an essay, what’s the problem with that?
–Q Train
Overheard by: Robert G.
