About Celebrities

The Secret Comedian Cells Spring Into Action

Woman: It’s a pity about that actress who stabbed someone with her knife. What’s her name? …Um…Reese?
Chick: Witherspoon?
Woman: No! With her knife!

–Central Park

Overheard by: Emilia

Suit #1: I know where we are.
Suit #2: Where?
Suit #1: On the corner!

–9th Street & 1st Avenue

Overheard by: Your Mom

Guy: Excuse me, can I tell you a joke?
Girl: …What?
Guy: Can I tell you a joke?
Girl: …No.
Guy: Are you su–
Girl: Didn’t you fucking hear me, you idiot?

She gets up and starts walking away.

Girl: Jesus Christ, these fucking…

–Central Park

We Shan’t Overcome

White lady: As a black man, how do you feel about Al Sharpton?…Because I know how I feel about him, but I’m not black.

–Office, Park Avenue

Overheard by: Peasant

Hobo: …Lick Al Sharpton’s balls! Suck out his asshole! You’re Democrats! It’s your job!

–18th & 7th

Overheard by: A & J

What Did Jamie Lynn Ever Do to You?

Girl: So, Britney Spears said that her mother told her that, like, childbirth is like the most excruciating pain ever.
Guy: Well, look what she ended up with. If my child was a slutbag whore, I’d be in pain too.

–Hudson & Vandam

The Present of an Illusion

Girl: They’re making a musical of Siegfried and Roy’s life.
Guy: Didn’t they do that on Friends already?
Girl: They did?
Guy: Yeah, remember Joey was the singing psychiatrist?

–Wall & Exchange

Girl #1: I wish we coulda seen those magicians with the tigers, but they don’t perform anymore…
Girl #2: You mean Sigmund Freud and Roy?

–Circulo Theater, E. 4th Street

Overheard by: scott cendali

Heavily Rumored to Be a Biplane

Guy #1: So apparently, Jodie Foster loses her daughter on this, like, plane that she designed.
Guy #2: Whoa, really?
Guy #1: Yeah, and it’s supposed to be like the biggest plane ever built.
Guy #2: Wait, Jodie Foster in real life?

–Cantor Film Center, E. 8th Street

Overheard by: Emily Pearle

It Says Here the Patent is Held by One Blair Warner

Girl #1: Sometimes you get pissed because you see something in a magazine or on TV that you thought of before and people are stealing your super imaginative ideas. And then you think, it’s possible that different people think of the same things.
Girl #2: Yeah, like when your sister thought she invented George Clooney?

–G train

Overheard by: kristin

Now That’s More Like It

Woman: Guess what? I just saw one of the Golden Girls on my way
here.
Hairqueer: Oh really? Which one?
Woman: I don’t know. She was the flirty one on the show. I guess
she was the prettiest one…
Hairqueer: Oh, Rue McClanahan! I’ve done her hair.

–Hair Salon, 47th & Lexington

I Simply Won’t Allow Them to Slander Rue

Girl #1: …was supposed to be there. You know, from The Golden Girls.
Girl #2: Oh yeah, what happened?
Girl #1: Didn’t show, I hear she’s a real bitch.
Girl #2: Isn’t she like really old now?
Girl #1: She was really old like 25 years ago.

–11th Street & 2nd Avenue

Overheard by: Eric

A Bug-eyed Skeleton

Girl #1: You know Nicole Richie’s boyfriend?
Girl #2: DJ AM?
Girl #1: Yeah, what does he do?

–4 train

Overheard by: guy cimbalo

Wednesday One-liners Forgot Their Meds

Crazy guy: Ma’am, say, who’s your favorite James Bond? Hello? Is anyone listening to me? I said, who is your favorite James Bond? Oh fuck this! I’ll just mark it down as another George Lazenby. Fuck.

–Port Authority

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