Asian girl #1: Who’s that guy that’s not Steve Harvey?
Asian girl #2: Cedric the Entertainer.
Asian girl #1: Yeah, he might have been in The Cookout.
Asian girl #2: Oh my God, that’s so racist. “Who’s that guy that’s not Steve Harvey?”
Asian girl #1: Well, you knew who I was talking about!
–McDonald’s, 85th & 3rd
Overheard by: Aisha Moore
Teen girl: I wonder what Marilyn Monroe does in her spare time.
Teen guy: Lie in her coffin?
–2 train
Hobo: Excuse me, sir? You dropped some change.
Man: What? Where?
Hobo: Bam! In my cup!
–7th Avenue & 4th Street
Girl #1: Stop coughing! Who the fuck do you think you are?
Girl #2: John Lennon.
Girl #1: No. You’re not.
–6th Avenue & 11th Street
Woman on cell: Tell everybody to come to New York and play D&D with me.
–Greenpoint
Overheard by: Francesca
Guy: So what you’re saying is that every event in modern history was
caused by a time-traveling Keanu Reeves?
–Chevy’s, Times Square
Overheard by: Kenny B
Boy on cell: …yeah, I know! So then I said, “Bitch, that’s what you get for messing with a level 5 dragon master!”
–C train
Overheard by: Lorelai Greenwood
Fat lady: You know, I don’t think I would make a good vampire…I don’t like staying up too late.
–W. 57th Street office
Younger queer: Man, I never noticed how big Liza’s eyes were before.
Older queer: That’s so she can see the little pills better.
–Splash, 17th Street
Overheard by: Eric Muscatell
Teenage girl: So do you get it now?!
Dad: I know honey…J. Lo.
–Union Square
Overheard by: Katia
Jersey girl: There is no way Anna Nicole lost that weight on TrimSpa. She’s obviously smoking crack.
–4 train
Chick: Yeah, she’s trying to put back on the 10 pounds she lost during her little crack experimentation.
–Rivington & Allen
Overheard by: Josh Mueller
Crackhead: I had never seen anybody smoking crack. I had no idea what it looked like, somebody smoking crack. Until my uncle. And you know, he changed my Pampers.
–Fourth Ave & Dean Street, Brooklyn
Overheard by: sparkle shortz
Long-hair: Yeah, so for my birthday I just got myself a shitload of mescalin. And all I did was sit in my apartment all day, tripping my ass off.
–14th & 8th
Overheard by: debo
Guy: I could have been an astronaut if i didn’t do so many drugs. Why
didn’t anyone tell me?
–Pratt Institute
Girl on cell: I’ll get a celebrity to pay for my trip. Yah, like Oprah. You know, like on TV Oprah? I’m going to stop slavery. There are 7 million slaves in the world and I’m going to stop all of it…If I want to stop slavery, then I will! I can do anything I want to do!
–W train
Overheard by: SS
Woman: When Denzel comes on stage, I’m going to throw my panties up there.
–Belasco Theater, W. 44th Street
Overheard by: Julia Caesar
