Hobo: Excuse me, sir? You dropped some change.
Man: What? Where?
Hobo: Bam! In my cup!
–7th Avenue & 4th Street
Hobo: Excuse me, sir? You dropped some change.
Man: What? Where?
Hobo: Bam! In my cup!
–7th Avenue & 4th Street
Girl #1: Stop coughing! Who the fuck do you think you are?
Girl #2: John Lennon.
Girl #1: No. You’re not.
–6th Avenue & 11th Street
Woman on cell: Tell everybody to come to New York and play D&D with me.
–Greenpoint
Overheard by: Francesca
Guy: So what you’re saying is that every event in modern history was
caused by a time-traveling Keanu Reeves?
–Chevy’s, Times Square
Overheard by: Kenny B
Boy on cell: …yeah, I know! So then I said, “Bitch, that’s what you get for messing with a level 5 dragon master!”
–C train
Overheard by: Lorelai Greenwood
Fat lady: You know, I don’t think I would make a good vampire…I don’t like staying up too late.
–W. 57th Street office
Younger queer: Man, I never noticed how big Liza’s eyes were before.
Older queer: That’s so she can see the little pills better.
–Splash, 17th Street
Overheard by: Eric Muscatell
Teenage girl: So do you get it now?!
Dad: I know honey…J. Lo.
–Union Square
Overheard by: Katia
Jersey girl: There is no way Anna Nicole lost that weight on TrimSpa. She’s obviously smoking crack.
–4 train
Chick: Yeah, she’s trying to put back on the 10 pounds she lost during her little crack experimentation.
–Rivington & Allen
Overheard by: Josh Mueller
Crackhead: I had never seen anybody smoking crack. I had no idea what it looked like, somebody smoking crack. Until my uncle. And you know, he changed my Pampers.
–Fourth Ave & Dean Street, Brooklyn
Overheard by: sparkle shortz
Long-hair: Yeah, so for my birthday I just got myself a shitload of mescalin. And all I did was sit in my apartment all day, tripping my ass off.
–14th & 8th
Overheard by: debo
Guy: I could have been an astronaut if i didn’t do so many drugs. Why
didn’t anyone tell me?
–Pratt Institute
Girl on cell: I’ll get a celebrity to pay for my trip. Yah, like Oprah. You know, like on TV Oprah? I’m going to stop slavery. There are 7 million slaves in the world and I’m going to stop all of it…If I want to stop slavery, then I will! I can do anything I want to do!
–W train
Overheard by: SS
Woman: When Denzel comes on stage, I’m going to throw my panties up there.
–Belasco Theater, W. 44th Street
Overheard by: Julia Caesar
Crazy Hasid: Who are the three greatest Jewish lawyers of all time? Roy Cohen, Roy Cohen, Roy Cohen, Johnny Cochran, Alan Dershowitz. Who are the three greatest doctors of all time? Dr. Dolittle, Dr. Dolittle, Dr. Dolittle, Alan Dershowitz.
–F train
Overheard by: bluesdog
Jewess on cell: You know, I love Great Neck, but I don’t know. I have to consider it. I’m not super Jewish and he’s not super Jewish. And you know how Jews are. They can be nice to non-Jews, but they can be caustic to other Jews.
–Union Square
Lady: I just don’t get smoking, or people who smoke…smoking and bacon; I don’t get it.
–UWS elevator
Overheard by: Susan Volchok
Teenage girl: Biggie, 50-Cent, Jadakiss, Usher, you’re always writing all over your shit. I don’t see them writing “Phil” all over their books.
–Wadleigh High, W. 114th Street
Chick #1: Who the fuck reads books. I mean, books?
Chick #2: I read books, bitch!
–86th & Broadway
