Getting Off

Girl: I really wish we had stayed. I totally would have waited in the rain and gotten wet for Beyoncé.
Guy: I didn’t know you were into chicks.
Girl: Wet from the rain, you jackass.

–Times Square

Man #1: So, shit, man, what was it like in prison?
Man #2: I learned how to make a girl out of three baloney sandwiches.

–L train

Overheard by: Sarah Lippek 

Woman #1: Yo, you need to come out tonight! We’re going to that strip club!
Woman #2: Yo! Not in front of my son!
Woman #1: Oh, sorry! But it’s that good one we were at that other time.
Woman #2: Damn, yeah! That was some crazy shit!

–Pizzeria, Graham Ave

Overheard by: Mr. Man

Cameraman: They actually have a huge problem every year at Rockefeller Center with all the people standing around at the ice rink and the tree. Guys will jerk off and rub up against people.

–9th Ave. and 55th

Overheard by: Meredith

Older man: Hey, can I ask you about that digital camera you have?
20‐something guy: Yeah, sure. Thinking of buying one for your kid or someone?
Older man: When you take pictures on that thing, do you have to bring it to the photo store still to get developed?
20‐something guy: Oh, no. I mean, you can and they can do it for you, but I usually just print–
Older man: –You can print them at home, right? Okay, good, because I sometimes take personal pictures, and I hesitate to bring them to the photo store. Doing it in private would be better for me. Now, I can delete them or save them in a secret hiding place at home too… Right?
20‐something guy: … Uh, I suppose.

–6 train, Union Square

Overheard by: Matty K

Amy Poehler: Yeah, I can’t believe I was pretending to jerk off on a gay cruise and looking at Seth the whole time. He was really embarrassed and didn’t know what to do.

–26th & 8th

Guy #1: Hey, answer me seriously, what would you do if one day I killed our neighbor?
Guy #2: I would turn into a giant penis and spray semen all over the city.

–A train

Crazy guy: Do you see what I put up with? That’s it, it’s over. We have not had sex in ten years. She says she don’t need it…Then I have to sleep with nigger whores. That’s right, Joan, I said it. I sleep with nigger whores, even some white whores. That’s the only way I can get off now.

–Da Andrea, Hudson Street