Girl: Wouldn’t you prefer me to be conscious?
Guy: As long as I can play with your tits, I’ll be all right.
–Library Bar, Houston & Ave A
Girl: Wouldn’t you prefer me to be conscious?
Guy: As long as I can play with your tits, I’ll be all right.
–Library Bar, Houston & Ave A
Girl: So, did he even tell her?
Guy: Of course not! What would he say? ‘Well, you see, Raya, this one time… I fucked a door’?
–Q train
Overheard by: shawn
College guy #1: You know, the first five or six times a day it’s easy to just rub one out, but at, like, seven or eight you gotta start getting inventive.
College guy #2: Ha, ha — yeah, man.
College girl: …What?
College guy #1: I mean, that’s when you gotta pull out the beastiality and shit to get it done.
College guy #2: Ha, ha — yeah, man.
College girl: Oh my god, I’m going to need therapy. Can you stop speaking?
–Broadway near NYU
Overheard by: worried that they are our future
Dude: I haven’t had sex in a year.
Chick: Really?
Dude, entering crowded subway: I’m gonna cum in five seconds.
–Downtown 6 train
Hobo: I need you to stop here. I need to get off and wash my pants. There has been a sexual release in my pants!
–Lenox Ave bus
Headline by: Dan
Runners-Up:
· “And That’s Why I Was Late” – chronically tardy
· “Bussed a Nut – Crosstown Excitement Goes A Block Too Far” – Matt G.
· “Dishonorable Discharge” – Jim C.
· “Economically and socially disenfranchized people say the darndest things” – Emma
· “MTA’s new “Request-a-Stop” and handjob feature” – Jobee
· “Marvin Gaye’s retarded half-brother” – Mary Beth Hanlon
· “Meanwhile, at the auditions for ‘Speed III'” – shawn doney
· “Milton Misses Yet Another Meeting of Premature Ejaculators Anonymous” – Tom Ediger
· “Never ask a hobo if he’s coming or going.” – LadyP
· “Premature embarkation” – mdub
· “Second Thought, Let’s Go For Two” – Martin Frazee
· “Senator Foley just isn’t the same when he’s not IMing” – oye
· “The Man On The Bus Goes Rub, Rub, Ooops…” – Sam Nassar
· “Why the 6 is never on schedule” – Rionn Fears Malechem
Guy #1: So are we gonna make out later? I’m going back to LA; we’ll never have to see each other again.
Girl: No, I don’t think so.
Guy #2: Yes! That’s a maybe!
–The Delancey, Delancey between Clinton & Attorney
Headline by: Kane, OKC
Runners-Up:
· “At the Clubs He Goes to, Pepper Spray to the Face Means ‘I Love You'” – Bardley
· “Breaking News: Harsh No/Yes Polarity Outlawed in LA” – LoneRhino
· “Governor Schwarzenegger, Would You Please Take the Stand?” – not a terminator fan.
· “His Glass Is Half Full… Of GHB” – Panthea
· “Jennifer Aniston and Brad Pitt’s Final Conversation” – QueenNisha
· “Surprisingly ‘Between Clinton & Attorney’ Only Describes the Location” – matintin
· “Why the ‘Just Say No’ Policy Failed: Men Were Involved” – Mark Manne
· “Women Are from New York, Men Are from LA” – Alika
· “Yeah, and Maybe We’ll Still Find the WMD” – 999er
· “Yes! He’s Probably Sold His Screenplay, Too! Maybe!” – David Terrenoire
Woman: See? I’m really good at boning.
–Gavroche, 14th & 7th
Overheard by: the immature restaurant guest
Woman, yelling over to man during downpour: How come every man I date ends up getting me wet?
–Water Club, 500 E 30th
Overheard by: Carolyn
Burly guy: Dude, can you help me get it up?
–Gold’s Gym, 250 West 54th
Teen: I was so thirsty. Anything that went in my mouth, I swallowed.
–LIRR
Overheard by: kaydot
NYU trendoid: I need some nuts, like, hardcore.
–MoMA
Conductor: Please let the passengers get off before pushing on the train. Get them off. Get them off. Get them off fast!
–Manhattan bound L train
Overheard by: Philip
Girl: Ooo! I’ll suck on it with you!
–3rd St & 6th Ave
Overheard by: confused grad student
Girl #1: So he was at my house and we were like, fooling around on my bed, and I was lying on top of him, but then I made him get up.
Girl #2: Why?
Girl #1: Because if he got turned on, got hard, came, his zipper fell down a little and some come got on my pants and while I was taking off my pants it brushed my underwear and then went inside me, I could totally get pregnant.
Girl #2: Oh, right.
–84th & 2nd
Overheard by: Samantha Thomas
Mom: Nigga, chill! Grandma’s going to make you some Spanish baked ziti. And I got me some tequila, some margarita mix, and a big ass bottle of tequila, and dat shit’s about to get twisted!
A train rushes by on other track.
Mom: Damn! That shit just gave me an orgasm!
–Metro-North train
Overheard by: Emily Aldridge
Girl #1: Randy won’t stop coming on my face.
Girl #2: …Are you going to finish your bagel?
–Waverly & University
Overheard by: S.A.F.